Women all over the world have been reading our stories. In a few short weeks, Women at Forty has gotten visits from women (and probably some curious men) all over the world including; Germany, Saudi Arabia, Hong Kong and Lebanon. I’m looking forward to hearing their stories soon. Today, one of our readers from Hawaii, Jenny, who’s in the middle of her fortieth year on earth, talks poetically about her life pre-forty. She likens it to wearing a dress that just “didn’t fit right,” not being exposed, having the appearance of normality but always adjusting, making temporary fixes and fussing, always fussing…
I Am Forty Years Old
Jesus, just writing that makes me gasp! And for different reasons, not just because of the number…40. Good grief.
I gasp because 40 just kind of snuck up on me.
I gasp because I let time slip carelessly through my fingers.
I gasp because I didn’t plan right.
I gasp because I planned too much.
I gasp because I didn’t plan enough.
Truth is, it was someone else’s plan, not mine. I’ve never been on my own, EVER, until now, my 40th year on earth. There was always someone else to mold and adjust to – I moved from my parents home to college where I lived in a dormitory for a year, then moved in with my boyfriend. Then we married, few years later divorced and I moved in with another boyfriend. The cycle repeats…we get married, then hard times come again. My starting-over life felt like shampoo instructions – lather, rinse, repeat. Plan, execute, start over….but still, not my plans, never what I wanted. I always gave up my big dreams, and that was too much of a compromise. I just didn’t know it then.
My life was like wearing a dress that just didn’t fit right. You’re not naked, not exposed at all and you have the appearance of normality even though you’re always adjusting, making temporary fixes, fussing, fussing…and that became routine and normal. But until you listen to that little exasperated voice inside Continue reading I Am Forty Years Old…