More “best advice I ever got”

Last week I wrote about the “the best advice I ever got.” Several of you responded with your own “best advice.” Here’s what you had to say…

The best advice I ever got came on my wedding day. “Don’t let anyone tell you how your  j0443572 marriage should be. It’s an individual thing.” Mary

Shape out or ship out!! Well……I shipped out and didnt look back!!! Bea

“There’s nothing to it, but to do it” My mother always told me this growing up. When it came to homework, cleaning, getting a job, starting a business, whatever. It works for most situations. In other words, don’t fear it, don’t think it’s too hard or too much, don’t procrastinate, have confidence and get her done! Sabrina

“Think twice, and say it once.”  Tina

Best advice I ever got: “Don’t let the door hit you in the a** on the way out”. Sigh…. Kim

Keep sharing your “best advice” with Women at Forty and we’ll keep posting them!

Rachel: On things just aren’t like they used to be…

rlw bnw Yesterday I shared my thoughts on the changing times and how, although I’m embracing change, I still miss the way things used to be. Today, Rachel shares some of the things she misses the most…

I long for the days when families actually ate dinner together and not in front of the television (except that one time when dad rolled the tv into the dining room so we could watch “Roots”).

I wish the days of parents being able to discipline their children without fear of DYFS/CPS’s intervention would come around again. I preferred the days when clothing left a little more to the imagination and I wasn’t forced to endure coworkers’ 32 facial piercings and 96 tattoos during staff meetings.

I miss the time when people understood the difference between want and need and they didn’t go into debt to go on vacation or get their hair done.

I lovingly remember the days when there was an actual neighborhood and neighbors actually knew one another and children wouldn’t dare act out of sorts in front of neighbors for fear that those neighbors would discipline them with their parents’ approval.

I miss the time when the only “bad word” you ever heard on television was “Damn!” and it was reserved for after 9:00…I miss kids having an actual bedtime and adhering to it too.

I also miss the days when there were still family-owned businesses on every corner rather than a Starbucks and a CVS/Walgreen’s and when there were only a few “fat kids” because kids actually walked to and from school and went outside and played.

I love and remember the taste of real popcorn that was either popped in a popper or shaken on the stove until the foil looked like a dome—it took a certain level of skill not to burn it!

I also miss the days when a phone was a form of communication and not an appendage attached to most people, thus they understood when you were busy or unavailable and did not harass you for not answering their call.
Sadly, there aren’t too many changes that I readily embrace. I guess I do love my iPod with over 13,000 songs at my fingertips. I do love the internet and the convenience of not having to go to the library and look things up in outdated encyclopedias that still reference the U.S.S.R. I also enjoy the technology that allows me to stay in touch with far away friends and relatives at the touch of a button.

Rachel Dachel is a freelance writer and editor, and creator and author of the blog Rachel-y Motivated Incidents.

What do you miss about our changing times, and what changes couldn’t you live without. Share your thoughts in the comment section, or email us at

…things just aren’t like they used to be

sony walkman The other day I read an article about a guy trying to explain to his son exactly what a Sony Walkman was. He described the look of shock on his son’s face when he learned that at one point in the not so distant past, people listened to music on things called cassette tapes that were carried around in small (or what we considered small at the time) portable cassette tape players. I laughed at first, then sighed as I realized that I’m now at that age – some would call it middle age – the age where we begin starting sentences with “I remember when…,” or “When I was your age…,” and end them with “…things just aren’t like they used to be.”

As much as I fight the urge to utter those words sometimes to avoid sounding old, I do remember when you couldn’t talk to adults anyway you felt like it. And when I was their age I could never have left the house with my shirt that tight, or my skirt that short. Some things aren’t like they used to be and that’s sad. But in some ways, that’s actually a good thing.

Twenty years ago when I first started working, things that would set off sexual harassment alarms today went largely unnoticed. Women CEO’s, while still not represented in large numbers today, were virtually unheard of. And well, the thought of a president in the White House named Barack Obama was barely just that – a thought. The thing with change is that although we’re sometimes weary of it, without it we would simply stop. We’d stop growing. Stop learning. Stop existing.

As I head towards forty, there are so many things I feel nostalgic for, things I wish I could do and feel again and again – like singing The Hukilau Song to my grandmother as she belly laughed every time, signing yearbooks on the last day of high school, and the innocence of having my first crush. But then I think about my experiences since those times, the friends I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned, and although I miss the old days, I’m thankful that I’ve been here to experience the changes.

I remember my Sony Walkman (although knowing me, it was probably a cheap knockoff – Phony Walkman), and my first portable CD player. They were fun while I had them, but these days I’m partial to my Ipod with it’s 1,000 song catalog. No, things aren’t like they used to be, but maybe sometimes, that’s a good thing.

What are you nostalgic for and what are you glad has changed? Share your thoughts in the comment section, or email us at

Guess who else is turning forty this year?

Sesame_street Sesame Street! And I am so not ashamed to say that despite having no children in the house, I still watch it regularly. Technically though, since no one really has a job on Sesame Street, they should have been evicted years ago.

The Internet is also forty this year. Who knew it’d been around for this long? Well the geeks knew. And for the record, that’s why they now control the world.

A number of celebrities have turned or will be turning forty this year. It’s funny when you read some of the names. You find yourself saying things like “I didn’t know she was that old?” Or, “I remember when he was just a kid!” And then you remember you’re the same age.

Here’s a short list of “celebrities” (male and female) turning forty this year. Read a more exhaustive list here.

  • Renee Zellweger
  • Cate Blanchett
  • Jason Priestly (OMG, remember Brandon on 90210 – the real 90210? – not the child’s play version they’ve got today)
  • Tonya Harding – Remember her? She bashed the hell out of Nancy what’s her face’s knee
  • Jay Z – Or Joe Camel as he’s affectionately known around these parts
  • Mariah Carey
  • Jesse L. Martin
  • Jennifer Aniston

The best advice I ever got…

woman relax Ironically came at the end of a 15 year friendship. As our priorities shifted and lives changed, we grew apart. In the last conversation we would ever have my friend asked me why I was always angered and surprised by the things she did and said. After all she said, “this is who I am, and I’ve been this way for years.”

Talk about a light bulb moment. My anger and frustration immediately left me. I’ve since heard the expression said many ways, most memorable, “when people show you who they are believe them.” Anyway you say it, it rings true. That day I realized for the first time that I was being pushy and arrogant for expecting her to be a different kind of person just because I wanted her to be.

From friends, to family, to boyfriends and husbands, understanding who people are at their core is key to maintaining your own sanity. I liken it to women who knowingly begin relationships with married men, only to be shocked when they learn that that married man is also “cheating” on them with another woman. Yeah, the lesson I learned that day has saved me a world of hurt over the years, and because of that I’ll always consider it the best piece of advice I ever got.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten? Was it a hard pill to swallow, or did you have a cloud clearing, light bulb moment like I did? Share your “best piece of advice” story here in the comment section, on our Facebook fan page, or tweet us @womenatforty.

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