Ghost of boyfriends past

I love Facebook. Ok, maybe not love, but it’s been great getting reconnected with old schoolmates and friends I don’t get to see often enough. That said, what’s up with old boyfriends trying to get back in touch? And I mean old boyfriends I’d either forgotten or wish I could forget.  And let’s be honest, for a lot of them, when they say “getting in touch”, they mean it literally. So should you reconnect with the ghosts of boyfriends past?

Last week’s “It’s Complicated” post got me thinking about the past and how we sometimes rewrite the history of a relationship leaving out all the bad parts. It’s like how you remember that cute way he used to laugh at your jokes, but forget about all the times the joke was on you. Or how you remember the cards and the flowers, but forget that he sent them “Kobe Bryant style” to make up for several indiscretions. So forgetting all of that, when he blows back into town or sends you that friend request on Facebook, you ask yourself what’s the harm in reconnecting?

If you’re in a vulnerable place, whether that be unhappily married or unhappily single, “reconnecting” with an old flame (that for good reasons didn’t work out the first time) can take on a life of its own. Innocent status updates and Facebook pokes can turn into long conversations that turn into real, well…pokes. Even if you’re both single, reconnecting with a past love can be harrowing. And if one or both of you are married, then reconnecting can be downright dangerous.

So how do you handle the request to reconnect, whether it comes via email, phone call or friend request? According to E-tiquette experts, it’s perfectly ok not to accept friend requests on Facebook. According to them if you aren’t comfortable sharing your photos, status updates and the details of your personal life, “the best option is to politely deny the request or accept the request and create content filters.”  As for emails and phone calls, if you think responding to them will take you down a road you’re not ready to go down, then don’t. The pre-forty me felt bad about ignoring friend requests or not returning inquiring emails from old flames. But the truth is, if you’re done with something or someone, and you know you are, why go down that road again, especially if it was no fun going down that road the first time?

How do you handle friend requests and phone calls from old flames and what are your thoughts about reconnecting with them? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.