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From the Editor: The fears that binds us

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scared-woman “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Ambrose Redmoon

What are you afraid of? We’re not talking mice, snakes and things that go bump in the night here. Frankly, a healthy fear of rodents has its benefits. No, we’re talking about the big stuff that manifests itself in our every day lives when we settle for less, do less and postpone our dreams.

It’s the event we don’t attend because we don’t have anything to wear, the relationship we won’t commit to because we’re not ready to settle down, and it’s the business we put off starting because we’re too busy. But if we peel back the layers, and are really honest with ourselves, underneath these common excuses lie fears – big fears. Fears that bind us: rejection, failure, success, commitment, fill-in-the-blank. These big fears can paralyze us, leaving us living a “less than” life.

The first step in tackling our fears is naming them. You might find that behind the “I have nothing to wear” speech you’ve perfected is the fear of rejection. And the “I’m too busy” mantra might be the cover that hides your fear of failure or success.

We’re determined not to live out our 40th year afraid of the very things that could deliver a “life less ordinary.” So this week we’re tackling the fears that bind us. We’ll be sharing our fears and we’d like to hear yours too.  Take our “What do you fear?” poll located in the right column on our home page. Share your fears on our Facebook Fan Page or email them to contribute@womenatforty.com. And, if you’ve already done the work naming and conquering your fears, we really want to hear from you.

From the one you’re about to let get away, to the college education you’ve always wanted but have almost convinced yourself it’s too late to get, there are many things much more important than your fear. Join us this week as we try to figure out what they are.  So, what do you fear, and what are you going to do about it?

Grace

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  • kananipod

    I read something in an email last year that really has made a difference in the way I've thought about fear – it said 'fear is excitement without breath' and went on to say 'breathe and change fear into excitement…by taking responsibility for what is out of balance in your life…and creating excitement and balance'. It took me a while to understand what that really meant, but finally I got it. The things I had the most fear about – financial insecurity, being vulnerable in love, fear of what other people thought about me – I never really thought about 'taking ownership' of. I knew what my fears were but didn't take responsibility for how it was creating obstacles in my life. I just dealt with and expected those obstacles to always be there. What a debilitating thing that is! Now that I've changed my perspective, I feel like I have control over them and can do something about it. I've put off making a budget because I figured it would always be a struggle. But once I mapped everything out, I was able to see what the real defecit was and could make adjustments to improve my situation. If I worried about being hurt in a love relationship or what people thought about me, I journaled about it to get to the root of how I felt. I found out that sometimes I'm just too critical about myself or too lazy to change it, lol. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I have everything figured out, it's a struggle every single day. But it beats living in fear. I'm not holding my breath any longer, there's time for that when I'm long gone from this earth. I'm going to breathe and be excited about life as long as I can. :-)

  • womenatforty

    Love this Jen! “Fear is excitement without breath” is a powerful line, I'm going to borrow it for the FB fan page. I was the same way about finances for years – afraid of facing the reality of it, but knowledge and acknowledgment is power and like you say, forces you to take ownership. And, just like you, I certainly don't have it all figured out, but am starting to learn that living in fear is a real waste of time! Thanks for commenting!