Everybody shouldn’t like you:10 things I’ve learned in 40 years

Lat week I was reading humor columnist and author Dave Barry’s classic list of 25 things he’s learned in 50 years. His list included things like: you should not confuse your career with your life, a person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person, and you will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

Barry’s list inspired me to write my own…

I feel like I’ve truly learned something when the lesson stops repeating itself. I stop dating that guy. I don’t like the way I feel around certain people so I change the nature of those relationships and never experience those bad feelings again. I stop apologizing for doing/being who I am or am not. You get the point.

I encourage you to create your own list – you’ll be surprised to discover all the lessons you’ve learned, and the ones you haven’t. That list is next – the harder one, the one requiring complete honesty with myself when I admit that there are some lessons in life I still haven’t grasped, even in 40 years, and ask myself if I ever will.

But today, here’s to what I have learned…

  1. If you’re doing it right – living your life, being true to your beliefs, everybody shouldn’t like you. Some people won’t like you. That’s a good thing.
  2. Sometimes if you really don’t feel like doing something, don’t. Some call it gut, others intuition, but whatever it is, it’s dead on.
  3. Even if you’ve fought to hold onto something – an idea, a person, a relationship – sometimes it’s just time to let it go.
  4. The one thing you want the most in life will be the thing you have to work the hardest to get/feel/achieve – and you’ll have to work at it for the rest of your life.
  5. It is ok to forgive and remember. If you forget, what’s to stop it from happening again?
  6. Your yesses and your nos, verbal or otherwise, teach people how to treat you.
  7. When it comes to relationships don’t ignore the subtle signs you see at the beginning – that is who he/she is.
  8. There are worse things in life than being corny/geeky/nerdy – ask Bill Gates.
  9. The pressure to “fit in” never really goes away, what changes is your desire to.
  10. Money really can’t buy happiness, but not having it can significantly contribute to sadness.

What have you learned in 40 years? Share yours in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.



9 Basics for a Budget Friendly Birthday Bash

Editor’s Note: Whether your celebrating your 40th, 50th or something in between, if budgetary considerations have you scaling back, today’s post from consumer and money-saving expert Andrea Woroch will help you find ways to celebrate your special day on even the tightest budget.

Thanks to Facebook’s weekly reminder of your friends’ birthdays, more attention is being paid to natal anniversaries than ever. Adults particularly tend to celebrate landmark birthdays that end in a round figure. The cost for such parties, however, can easily get out of hand. In the spirit of creating a back-to-basics bash, I offer the following nine tips.

1. Discount Decorations
Dollar stores are your go-to place for party decorations. You’ll save up to 70-percent off party store prices and the selection is equally nice. Dollar stores also are a great place to finding inexpensive wrapping paper and reusable gift bags.

2. E-invitations
Facebook is one of the best ways to create a simple invitation using the “Event” function, but not everyone uses the social network. Several websites, including evite.com and SmileBox.com, offer free electronic invitations that do the trick while providing RSVP feedback.

3. Serve Finger Food
A four-course meal takes a lot of time, skill and money. Instead, keep guests happy with simple hors’ doeuvres created in your kitchen. You’ll want to avoid the pre-packaged appetizers from your grocery or specialty store as they’ll cost you 40 percent to 60 percent more than homemade.

4. Borrow Your Finery
Stepping out in a new outfit or dress shirt will surely impress your guests, but it’ll do little for your budget. Borrow something to wear from a friend for that special birthday-outfit feeling. If that’s not possible, check out second-hand stores for a bit of frugal frippery. Continue reading 9 Basics for a Budget Friendly Birthday Bash

Five for Friday: The Floppy Hat Wearing, beachside Kindle reading, girlfriend getaway edition

I’m hoping to spend a good chunk of next summer vacationing somewhere in Europe. Ok maybe a week – fingers, toes, nose crossed. This summer I’ll be enjoying a little time off closer to home.  But whether you’re vacationing on another continent or stay-cationing in your own backyard, this week’s Five For Friday has a few essentials to help you enjoy your well deserved time off.

1. Hattitude – I’ve been in a Dollar General store twice in my life and both times it was to grab a bunch of these straw hats  – at $3 each you can’t beat the price.  The hats are essential for poolside lounging, beach combing and cool summer evenings. Look for them at a Dollar General store near you. (Photo: Me donning my $3 hat and withstanding 100° heat in Orlando, FL – P.S. I HATE having my picture taken so the fact that I took one AND am posting it for God and country to see is huge.)

2. Baby soft skin – no really – There are about a million skin moisturizers out on the market promising baby soft skin – I know caus’ I’ve tried them all. So when I got a sample of AmLactin for review I was skeptical and actually set it aside for weeks. Then a friend saw it and told me her doctor recommended it. Shortly after that I read a post by another blogger who swore by applying AmLactin right out of the shower for baby soft skin.  I relented and I’m glad I did. I’ve been using AmLactin for weeks now and my skin (even those rough flip-flop abused heels of mine) is noticeably softer.  Some women say they even notice a reduction in stretch marks and dark spots. I haven’t paid close enough attention, but the softer skin is undeniable.  AmLactin will run you about $20 but believe me, it’s worth it.

3. Beach Combers – World Market’s summer clearance is already here and I picked up one of these colorful beach chairs and a matching umbrella for less than $25 – that’s almost 50% off regular price. Order online or find a World Market near you by clicking here.

4. Kindle Karma – For years I protested loudly against anything that tried to take the place of “real books.” And then a friend got a Kindle. And then I got a Kindle. And now I’ve officially set up shop on the darkside. On my last trip, wedged between an ice-cold airplane window and a side-eyeing, armrest hogging row mate, I found myself lost in the “pages” of a free Kindle novel download. Yes free. Amazon has dozens of free or $.99 downloads and a $.99 Scrabble app that has me hooked.  And at just $112 for the Kindle with special offers, it’s worth the price. Pick up a Leather Case while you’re at it.

5. Good Company – When you’re not reading your Kindle or sleeping under your floppy hat, nothing beats the company of great friends. And while I don’t have an on-line link for friendship, we have featured great ideas for girlfriend-getaways in the past, and sites like Where Women Connect, Girlfriend Social  and Meetup do a great job of getting women together to network, socialize or just have fun.

Whether you’ve got a day off or a month, staying stateside or exploring the globe, have a safe and wonderful rest of summer!

Do you have an idea for a future Five–for-Friday? Email me at contribute(@)womenatforty.com to share.


The Today Show: How Gen Xers are reinventing forty – Do you like what it’s become?


“It used to be that turning 40 symbolized the end of youth. Now it’s the beginning of something better.”  

That’s how The Today Show’s recent segment on Generation Xers turning 40 began. Here’s a look at the segment…

Seems like health, fitness and renewed goals are common among women turning 40. But what’s also common and somewhat less talked about are the new pressures associated with turning 40. Women, like the ones featured in the segment, are competing in marathons, working on being in the best mental and physical shape of their lives, kicking ass and taking names. The Jennifer Anistons and Halle Berry’s of the world show us that you can look and feel fabulous at 40.

But, what if you’re not one of those women? Not yet anyway.

Has the “40 is over-the-hill” mantra been replaced by an image of a 21st century “super-40 woman” replete with magnificent body, burgeoning career and unparalleled fabulousness? Because if it is, I am so not living up to it and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.

Despite the recent media push to feel otherwise, there are times when 40 just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.There are times when I feel like I should be farther along in the pursuit of my goals. There are times – like this past weekend when I was wedged so tight into an airplane seat that I saw Jesus and the angels – when I kick myself for not being fitter and healthier at 40.  40 has not been all reawakening, Zen moments and enlightenment. This is real life so it can’t be. And real life is no less real at 40 than at any other age.

I’m not alone – I get emails from women who feel the same way. Those who aren’t over the moon about turning 40 but don’t want to express that (sometimes unpopular) sentiment on Facebook or in post comments.  But that’s the reality of turning 40 – and that’s what this project is all about – it even says it in the tag line – “Life.Love. Reality. In our fortieth year.”  Don’t be afraid to express your true feelings about 40 – your 40 is your own and no one should dictate how you “should” feel about it.

So, what’s your 40 looking like? Share in the comment section and on our Facebook fan page.

(Turning 40 shirt design by : Zazzle.com)