Are we lowering our standards or are people lowering them for us?

pink huffy bike As I was leaving the grocery store this morning, an old man approached me hollering “hey baby girl…can I maybe…” NO. NO. NO. If you’ve got me by at least 15 years, you should already know that no self respecting woman in her forties is going to respond to a “hey baby” hurled across a busy supermarket parking lot.  Or would she? Even on the rare occasion that she would, as Rachel alluded to a couple weeks ago, a neck is a desirable trait. And if a neck is desirable, then teeth are a necessity. My parking lot Casanova had neither.

Which brings me to the topic of the day. As we get older, do we “lower” our standards, or do people lower them for us? Of course there will always be men who think they can approach a woman of any age, with whatever game they happen to be playing on themselves at the moment. Years ago when I volunteered to prepare dinners at a homeless shelter, I remember a young guy coming up to me as I was serving meals and asking me if we could go out. My first thought was, you need to have a place to leave before you can go out. I know, it was harsh, but sarcasm is how I deal with uncomfortable moments. And that was so very uncomfortable. I hear arguments all the time that professional women need to broaden their horizons when looking for a mate, and I’m all for that. But, I think you should at least have a place to stay before you try to pick up a woman. Don’t you?

The other incident that stands out in my mind is once again leaving a grocery store, (what is it about groceries that give old, toothless men gumption) and hearing bike tires screech to a halt as a man I can only describe as being old enough to be my grandfather, slammed what I assume was his granddaughter’s pink huffy bike into the ground. He ran up to me (breathless) to ask me for my number. I wonder if when he borrowed his granddaughter’s bike, he told her that he’d be using it to troll for chicks. While he did get a laugh out of me, he did NOT get my number.

Ok, so in both those cases the answer was pretty obvious, but in every day situations when we’re approached by men who, years ago, would not have gotten a second glance from us, are we lowering our standards or broadening our horizons when we go out with them? And then there are those of us who hear the opposite, that we’re being too picky. But when it comes to love, life and our future, can we ever be too picky?

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  • racheldachel

    No, you were not being too picky. I do believe that we need to set and maintain high standards, but the problem that I see is the standards most women will set. We'll make a list of 'must haves': college degree, late model sedan or coupe, own home in desirable school district, perfect teeth, chiseled physique, six-figure salary, vacation home on the Vineyard, etc.
    I firmly believe that if we’d focus more on the core values and the integrity of the person than the outer appearance and material trappings, we’d have more options and make better choices. For as many attractive, successful and single women I know, I know just as many male counterparts. We all need to reevaluate what is truly important to us in a partner and in a relationship, as well as take an honest look at ourselves and do an inventory. Maybe I am pretty and have a nice lifestyle, but am I a nice person? Do I treat others well? Am I a good friend and listener?
    If we all focused on those things more and the superficial things less, I honestly believe there’d be fewer desperate singles and more happy couples. Of course, a neck should still not be optional, teeth (whether natural or store-bought) are a requirement and he really should know better than to try to “holla” at Grace, or me!

  • racheldachel

    No, you were not being too picky. I do believe that we need to set and maintain high standards, but the problem that I see is the standards most women will set. We'll make a list of 'must haves': college degree, late model sedan or coupe, own home in desirable school district, perfect teeth, chiseled physique, six-figure salary, vacation home on the Vineyard, etc.
    I firmly believe that if we’d focus more on the core values and the integrity of the person than the outer appearance and material trappings, we’d have more options and make better choices. For as many attractive, successful and single women I know, I know just as many male counterparts. We all need to reevaluate what is truly important to us in a partner and in a relationship, as well as take an honest look at ourselves and do an inventory. Maybe I am pretty and have a nice lifestyle, but am I a nice person? Do I treat others well? Am I a good friend and listener?
    If we all focused on those things more and the superficial things less, I honestly believe there’d be fewer desperate singles and more happy couples. Of course, a neck should still not be optional, teeth (whether natural or store-bought) are a requirement and he really should know better than to try to “holla” at Grace, or me!