I’ve been journaling since I can remember. I have years worth of cute little journals dating back from when all I longed for was for so-and-so to do such-and-such or my heart would shatter. As I got older the heartfelt pining  evolved into writing about my faith, the world around me, gratitude – you name it. The one constant? Writing about my weight – how much I weighed. How much I didn’t weigh. How much weight I would lose this week and the week after that. When I got computer savvy I even started including charts and graphs detailing goal weight vs. actual weight, calories, carbs, proteins… I may have even included some algorithms and theorems. No.

All of this plotting, planning and predicting served to place the emphasis on the numbers on the scale and not what I was putting into my body. Ironically (or not) the time in my life when I was at my healthiest – when I was taking Karate classes (yes, I am, in fact, a yellow belt), playing tennis a couple of times a week, going out bowling with friends and eating a mainly vegetarian diet, I didn’t own a scale. I had no idea how much I weighed, and I couldn’t have cared less.  I also couldn’t have been happier. I miss being in that place. My mind misses that place, and so does my body.

So, why do otherwise intelligent women beat themselves up about that number? Why do we abuse ourselves mentally (and sometimes physically) in a manner we wouldn’t allow anyone else to treat us? Is it about health? For many of us yes, but it goes beyond a quest for health for many others and borders on the edge of self-acceptance and self-worth.

As I was reviewing the draft of this post I came across this post from a blogger I follow. It talks about the vicious cycle of daily weighing and why we shouldn’t do it. I couldn’t agree more. Yet, I still find myself wanting to check the scale more mornings than not.

What’s your relationship with your scale? Is it different now than it was when you were younger? Please share your thoughts in the comment section or on the Facebook page.

Back when kids still played in the street, my sisters, cousins and I spent hours racing down to the end of that dead-end. In my memory, I was fast. Really fast. I would also say I won all the races. And while my memory of my win/loss record is sure to be called into question, (see I’d forgotten about that for more on my awful memory), one thing I do know for sure is that I loved the way I felt when I was running.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t confident enough at the time to transform that love into joining the track team or even taking running up as a hobby.

Fast forward 25 plus years and I still love the feeling of running.

When I imagine doing it.

In my mind.

Because when I’ve actually tried to do it, the feeling I get is not the same as the one I got years ago.

Running down that dead end street as a kid I felt fast, carefree and like I could run like that forever.

Now when I run I feel…my right hip, my left knee and the chafing of my construction grade sports bra against my back. *Sighs*

A younger cousin ran for a while and wrote about the hip pain she felt that led her to give up running. I now understand. And the truth is, no matter how much I want to run, me, on all fours (crying) on the corner of “bless her heart” and “she just wouldn’t listen” is not a good look. And not good to look at.  And hollering at the local hotties while sweating in the fetal position on the sidewalk is no way to meet a man.  Not one with teeth anyway. Trust me.

This is not to say that women runners in their 40s and beyond aren’t tearing it up on the side streets of America. I know they are – the bright light of their fitness glory blinds me each and every time they whiz by me on my WALKS. Kudos to them and those aerodynamic baby pusher things that have them navigating through the streets of Oakhurst like they’re training for decathlons.

As for me, I’ll keep watching the runners enviably from the sidelines. In the meantime I’ve got my walking and I’ve found a new workout muse – Michael Jackson The Experience. Michael Jackson and I have been tearing it up on my Wii.  If enough of you ask I’ll even video a session so you can get a good ab workout from laughing with me while you watch. No, not really.  Image: Not me running – Source:Flickr: Emanuel Leanza “Eleanza”

What’s your fit-at-forty story? Share in the comment section or on our Facebook page.

Editor’s Note:

I’ve decided against plastic surgery. I like how I look even as I get older. Yes, I see my little fat cheeks dropping a little, and I notice more lines under my eyes…but I remember that they are there because I laugh a lot and that’s a good thing, right? -E

For me, aging gracefully means accepting myself and loving myself as I am. I am fortunate that my only telltale aging sign is gray hair, which I’ve had since my early 20s. While I do color my gray, I highly doubt that I would or will ever have plastic surgery/Botox/Restalayne/etc.. -R

I would consider having plastic surgery, in fact I admit that I started doing fillers and botox about 1 year ago. What does aging “gracefully” mean anyway? Does it mean we have to accept the fact that we just don’t look like 20 anymore? I get that! I don’t want to look like 20 because I feel different now than I did 20 years ago. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try to look my best, does it? – S

I had procedures done as well, Botox, Sculptra, Chemical peels and I might consider more “drastic” measures in the future if I feel I have to. I will turn 40 this year and although I know I am now considered to be a “middle aged woman” now, I will not let myself go. – Sun

Is there more pressure now to greet your 40s gracefully, without ever considering plastic surgery, or does society still want women at 40 to look young forever? Share your thoughts in the comment section and sound off on our Facebook page.

“It used to be that turning 40 symbolized the end of youth. Now it’s the beginning of something better.”  

That’s how The Today Show’s recent segment on Generation Xers turning 40 began. Here’s a look at the segment…

Seems like health, fitness and renewed goals are common among women turning 40. But what’s also common and somewhat less talked about are the new pressures associated with turning 40. Women, like the ones featured in the segment, are competing in marathons, working on being in the best mental and physical shape of their lives, kicking ass and taking names. The Jennifer Anistons and Halle Berry’s of the world show us that you can look and feel fabulous at 40.

But, what if you’re not one of those women? Not yet anyway.

Has the “40 is over-the-hill” mantra been replaced by an image of a 21st century “super-40 woman” replete with magnificent body, burgeoning career and unparalleled fabulousness? Because if it is, I am so not living up to it and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.

Despite the recent media push to feel otherwise, there are times when 40 just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.There are times when I feel like I should be farther along in the pursuit of my goals. There are times – like this past weekend when I was wedged so tight into an airplane seat that I saw Jesus and the angels – when I kick myself for not being fitter and healthier at 40.  40 has not been all reawakening, Zen moments and enlightenment. This is real life so it can’t be. And real life is no less real at 40 than at any other age.

I’m not alone – I get emails from women who feel the same way. Those who aren’t over the moon about turning 40 but don’t want to express that (sometimes unpopular) sentiment on Facebook or in post comments.  But that’s the reality of turning 40 – and that’s what this project is all about – it even says it in the tag line - “Life.Love. Reality. In our fortieth year.”  Don’t be afraid to express your true feelings about 40 – your 40 is your own and no one should dictate how you “should” feel about it.

So, what’s your 40 looking like? Share in the comment section and on our Facebook fan page.

(Turning 40 shirt design by warningsignshirts: Zazzle.com)

For weeks now I’ve been seriously rethinking this obsession I have with food and my weight. Specifically it’s occurred to me that for almost all of the past decade, my obsession with controlling (unsuccessfully I might add) what I eat and don’t eat has centered primarily on weight loss. This focus on weight and not on health has caused me to become unhealthier. Yo-yo dieting, pre-packaged diet meals, low carb, low fat, sugarless…you get the idea. My quest to lose weight devolved into me eating man made substitutes for food and came at the expense of eating food the way it was intended to be eaten.

It’s time for a change, a real change – an “I’m about to turn forty so I’ve got to start taking this seriously” change. I’ve been heading in this direction for years now, but eating for health was far down on the list, somewhere behind carb and calorie counting and fat monitoring. And while I’ve never been a lover of junk food and have always preferred fresh fruits and vegetables over sugary desserts – when it comes to food, the choices I make every day are made unconsciously, out of habit, and with very little regard to health and where my food is coming from.

In a nutshell (pun intended), clean eating is consuming food in its most natural state or as close to it as possible. It means eliminating as much processed foods from your diet as possible, and it means being conscious of the source of your food and the impact its production has on the environment. Militaristic clean eaters might have an issue with my definition, but that’s the definition that sums it up for me.  The Gracious Pantry has a great resource page about clean eating that you can access here. The turning point for me came when I watched the documentary Food, Inc. I’d absolutely recommend it to anyone curious about the source of their food – you will not be the same after watching it.

A year after test-driving my clean eating experiment I can say that I’ve adopted clean eating as a way of life.  A way of life differs from a diet in that it’s not something you ever “get off of.” So, on the (now increasingly rare) occasions that I don’t eat clean I, 1) enjoy it a lot less and 2) don’t belittle myself or consider it a diet catastrophe.  It’s not just a healthier way to eat, it’s a healthier way to think. Really, it’s a return to to the way my parents and grandparents used to cook and eat, before advertising and big business began convincing people that they had it all wrong.

Although I haven’t stuck to the $25 budget, I have been more conscientious about how much I purchase and what I’m paying for things, and in the long run that’s helped my overall budget.

So, what’s left is the weight loss. The good news is, the number on the scale is lower. The bad news is, not by much. As a child and teen I struggled with compulsive and emotional eating, and as a 41 year old woman I still do.  Like any habit/compulsion/addiction, it’s been a hard one to shake. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor apparently 41 years. Thankfully, I am a work in progress, not regress, and as long as I’m able, I’ll approach each day with the determination to become a healthier version of the person I was the day before. Anyone care to join me?

Grace

I officially fell off the wagon, or as I like to call it, “the back of the food truck” somewhere in Birmingham, Alabama after a barbeque feast fit for a queen. Due to a meat induced high, the details are somewhat sketchy, but there was roasted corn, potato salad, grits, biscuits, sausage and cinnamon buns, and that doesn’t even include dinner. *Sighs*

Today, back to reality. And as 40 year old bodies often do, mine is reacting negatively to the meat parade that just worked its way through my system. I have no one to blame but myself though, so you’ll hear no moaning from me. Instead I’m stocking up on the veggies my body is now most certainly craving and drinking water like I just got out of the desert.

The 28 degree mornings in Georgia have thrown another wrench in my “the morning walks will save me” plan – Side note, yesterday I saw a guy jogging in short-shorts in blustery cold weather and thought “How dedicated. How inspiring. How stupid.” So I’ve got to come up with a plan-B workout that won’t have me in sub-freezing temperatures and won’t bore me to tears. Any suggestions? I can’t go into the Christmas holidays with a bigger surplus than I already have – that would be depressing.

So, how are you handling the holiday feeding frenzy? Share your thoughts in the comment section, or on our Facebook fan page.

That hair indoctrination transcends race, ethnicity and culture, but as you can imagine, the message can be an especially difficult one for little girls whose hair grow naturally from their heads in crowns of tightly woven corkscrews. Within the African American community, women are dealing with hair issues including going “natural” or not, straightening, weaving, and yes, “the long hair” phenomenon as well.  I’ve learned that some Asian and Caucasian women use Thermal Conditioning to remove even a hint of curl or wave from their hair. And it wasn’t until Chris Rock’s visit to Oprah last year that I started paying attention to blonds with roots, and realized that an awful lot of blonds weren’t born that way.  But we’ll tackle those issues in a future post, today’s hair issue is about long hair and older women.  (Image credit: George Eastman House)

This past week I came across a New York Times article about long hair on older women. Here’s an excerpt from Why Can’t Middle Age Women Have Long Hair?:

I have long hair. I’m not talking about long enough to brush gently on my shoulder — when I tilt my head. I’m not talking about being a couple of weeks late to the hairdresser. I’m talking long. Long enough for a ponytail with swing to it. Long enough to sit against when I’m in a chair. Long enough to have to lift it up out of the sweater I’m pulling over my head. Long enough to braid.

No one seems to have any problems when a woman of a certain age cuts her hair off. It is considered the appropriate thing to do, as if being shorn is a way of releasing oneself from the locks of the past. I can see the appeal, and have, at times in my life, gone that route. Some women want to wash the men (or jobs) right out of their hair. Others of us have to have at them with scissors. Again, I do not judge. Go right ahead, be a 60-year-old pixie.

So why do people judge middle-aged long hair so harshly?

Is long hair on older women viewed negatively in today’s society? At 40(ish) how are you wearing your hair and why?  Share your “hair thoughts” in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan Page.

1. Honey & Oatmeal Mask – The benefits of oatmeal have been touted for years, but did you know that it also makes for a great facial? Best applied at night, this oatmeal and honey mask is safe for almost all skin types.  Mix ½ cup fast cooking oatmeal and ½ cup water and cook. Let the oatmeal cool about 5-7 minutes, then add ¼ cup honey.  Mix well into a paste.  Apply this ‘mask’ to cleansed skin, and let dry. Rinse after about 15 minutes. I found this recipe at Diva Village, click here for more great info from their site.

2. Coffee anyone? – When you’re done with your morning cup of Joe, don’t dump those coffee grounds, use them to exfoliate. Mix 1/4 cup used coffee grounds and one egg white. Massage onto face, let it dry and then rinse with warm water. Caffeinated coffee grounds can also be used to help relieve cellulite and remove common kitchen odors. Check out additional uses and recipes here.

3. To lighten dark circles under eyes wrap a grated raw potato in cheesecloth and apply to eyelids for 15-20 minutes. Wipe off residue and apply an eye cream (see #5). For more homemade beauty recipes, visit healthrecipes.com.

4. Banana & Yogurt, and no, it’s not a smoothie! – For all you naturally curly/kinky ladies, the combination of banana, yogurt and coconut cream results in a treatment that adds much needed moisture and softness to overstressed tresses. I found a pretty good recipe at  A Girl Can Mac, and great discussion threads at Naturallycurly.com. Check out the conversation and tweak the recipe for your specific needs.

5. Vitamin E – A friend,who looks ten years younger than she is, attributes her radiant skin to good genes and Vitamin E. She buys natural Vitamin E oil at her local health food store, or when time or budget doesn’t permit, buys vitamin E capsules, breaks them and applies the oil directly to her face. When I do it consistently I find that my skin is smoother, softer and more moisturized, particularly in the winter months.

As with all products – homemade or not – everyone’s experience will be a bit different. Be mindful of allergies (citrus oils make me look like Will Smith pre-Benadryl in Hitch), and experiment with the recipes and ingredients until you find the combination that’s right for you. If you’ve got any tried and true natural beauty recipes that work for you, share them with the WAF community in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

What would you be doing? If you know anything about me you know that I love reading and writing just about anything I can get my hands on. I can spend days doing (almost) just those two things. If I could read and write for a living that’s exactly what I’d be doing right now. The truth is, reading and writing is what I spend most of my time doing, it’s just that I’m not always reading and writing the kinds of things I want to, and the making a living part has been hard to come by. In my dream world I’d be editing or writing an article/post/book while (and this is where the ‘Where would you be doing it?’ question comes into play) sitting in a cafe somewhere in Italy. Or I’d be writing about my experiences while visiting South Africa or France or *closes eyes and picks a place on a map*, on the plane ride home. But here’s the thing, at the core of all of these dreams is a vision of myself walking for hours through the streets of a town I’m visiting for the first time, running through airports catching last minute flights and curled up sleeping blissfully (or fitfully) during a 14-hour flight. It’s a vision of a version of myself that doesn’t exist today. I have got to become a healthier me to even begin to wrap my mind around doing many of the things I want to do, the way I want to do them.

In response to those of you who say, “you don’t have to be a certain weight, size, (fill in the blank) to do (fill in the blank)” I say you’re right – for the most part. Being a smaller, healthier version of myself won’t make all my dreams reality, but it will facilitate some of them coming true. Does it mean that I won’t pursue these things until/unless I hit some magic number on the scale or size in a pair of jeans? No. The truth is, there is no magic number or pair of jeans. There is just the dream of walking and exploring for hours without feeling like I’m melting like butter on a hot pan. It’s the dream of me sitting comfortably on a plane without feeling like I’ve got to baste myself to slide into the seat. I get winded just thinking about it.

If I’m being honest with myself, being comfortable in my own skin is my biggest dream, and also the first step in making any of my other big dreams a reality. I’m viewing 40 as an opportunity to embrace change and make the changes that need to be made to get to the place and person I want to be. With a lot of hard work and determination, maybe one day I’ll be writing my book, or my next post, somewhere outside a little cafe in Italy.

What would you be doing in your dream life, and where would you be doing it? What are your thoughts on waiting to be (fill in the blank) to go after a particular dream? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on the Facebook fan page.

Editor’s Note: On Monday I shared with you the fork in the road of my ongoing health/exercise/weight loss/fitness battles. Sadly, I’m no stranger to fad and starvation diets. But today I’m sharing a great post from Esther Kane on a better path to weight loss. As a social worker, counselor and “ardent anti-dieter” Esther’s take on dealing with unwanted weight gain in our 40s is enlightening, and she offers a softer, gentler way to achieving weight loss.

Balanced Weight Loss by Esther Kane

Normally, I try to avoid talking about weight loss, being an eating disorders therapist- it can be a touchy subject indeed. But lately, I’ve come to realize that there is what I believe to be, a balanced approach to losing a bit of extra weight if you really need to for health reasons. How did I come to this realization, you ask? Personal experience of course!

Turning 39 recently has brought with it much appreciated wisdom, calmness, material comfort, and settling comfortably into myself- all of which I prayed and longed for in my teens and twenties and for which I am forever grateful. However, the not-so-easy-to-deal-with aspects have included graying hair, wrinkling skin, downward pointing breasts, and alas, weight gain. All of these have come as a major shock as somehow, I guess I had thought I would be immune to all of the side effects of ageing. But no, Mother Nature would have me learn otherwise. And while I am working really hard at growing older without plastic surgery, botox, or other toxic attempts to extend my youthful appearance, the weight gain has been a real doozy.

As it turns out, our metabolism slows down increasingly as we age and thus, our ability to burn off excess fat. I have never been obese and even at my heaviest, would be considered ‘average’ for a woman of my age, shape, and height, but the extra padding was getting in the way of my twisty-turny poses in my three times a week hot yoga class and my clothes weren’t looking as flattering as they used to.

Being an ardent anti-dieter and having had a history of a severe eating disorder in the past, I decided there was no way in hell I was going to starve myself through a rigid food deprivation regimen. Instead, over the past few months, I’ve really worked on the emotional side of things- coming to terms with the fact that I am, indeed, ageing- and that my body will naturally change it’s shape and size over the rest of my life. This is a hard pill to swallow in our shallow thin-is-in society, but a reality to which we must all succumb to someday and which is totally natural and acceptable. Overall, I’ve made a lot more peace with this fact and have come to accept (for the most part) that I have traded a young, lean body for the wise, calm, and successful woman whom I have become which is something to be really proud of and grateful for.

Add to that, keeping up with daily moderate exercise- I love and do Bikram’s hot yoga three times a week religiously- more for the stress-busting and inner peace and calm it gives me than for the calories burned. And I’ve tweaked my already healthy diet a bit more in order to boost my metabolism and achieve overall good health. I am aware that the goal is not to be skinny (my body isn’t made to be skinny no matter how hard I may try), but instead, to try and stay at my set-point weight, where I look and feel my best. This set-point changes over the course of our lives as our bodies change so make sure it’s realistic for your current age and body type.

It’s taken me about four months to lose the excess weight I had put on, and I now fit into my clothes the way I did before I gained that extra weight and it feels really good. Slow and steady like the good ‘ol turtle does the trick. And there has been no obsessing, calorie-counting, or beating myself up along the way. I really feel now that the fact that I truly love myself and mostly accept who I am and the body I have now have made a huge difference. Perhaps there is an easier, softer, and gentler way after all…

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Esther Kane, MSW, RCC relocated to the Comox Valley over two years ago from Vancouver. She is in full-time private practise as a psychotherapist in Courtenay. Esther has over a decade of experience counselling women and their loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck so that they can become all that they dream of being. You can learn more about Esther on her website www.estherkane.com.

This piece was reposted with the author’s permission.