I’ve been journaling since I can remember. I have years worth of cute little journals dating back from when all I longed for was for so-and-so to do such-and-such or my heart would shatter. As I got older the heartfelt pining  evolved into writing about my faith, the world around me, gratitude – you name it. The one constant? Writing about my weight – how much I weighed. How much I didn’t weigh. How much weight I would lose this week and the week after that. When I got computer savvy I even started including charts and graphs detailing goal weight vs. actual weight, calories, carbs, proteins… I may have even included some algorithms and theorems. No.

All of this plotting, planning and predicting served to place the emphasis on the numbers on the scale and not what I was putting into my body. Ironically (or not) the time in my life when I was at my healthiest – when I was taking Karate classes (yes, I am, in fact, a yellow belt), playing tennis a couple of times a week, going out bowling with friends and eating a mainly vegetarian diet, I didn’t own a scale. I had no idea how much I weighed, and I couldn’t have cared less.  I also couldn’t have been happier. I miss being in that place. My mind misses that place, and so does my body.

So, why do otherwise intelligent women beat themselves up about that number? Why do we abuse ourselves mentally (and sometimes physically) in a manner we wouldn’t allow anyone else to treat us? Is it about health? For many of us yes, but it goes beyond a quest for health for many others and borders on the edge of self-acceptance and self-worth.

As I was reviewing the draft of this post I came across this post from a blogger I follow. It talks about the vicious cycle of daily weighing and why we shouldn’t do it. I couldn’t agree more. Yet, I still find myself wanting to check the scale more mornings than not.

What’s your relationship with your scale? Is it different now than it was when you were younger? Please share your thoughts in the comment section or on the Facebook page.

Back when kids still played in the street, my sisters, cousins and I spent hours racing down to the end of that dead-end. In my memory, I was fast. Really fast. I would also say I won all the races. And while my memory of my win/loss record is sure to be called into question, (see I’d forgotten about that for more on my awful memory), one thing I do know for sure is that I loved the way I felt when I was running.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t confident enough at the time to transform that love into joining the track team or even taking running up as a hobby.

Fast forward 25 plus years and I still love the feeling of running.

When I imagine doing it.

In my mind.

Because when I’ve actually tried to do it, the feeling I get is not the same as the one I got years ago.

Running down that dead end street as a kid I felt fast, carefree and like I could run like that forever.

Now when I run I feel…my right hip, my left knee and the chafing of my construction grade sports bra against my back. *Sighs*

A younger cousin ran for a while and wrote about the hip pain she felt that led her to give up running. I now understand. And the truth is, no matter how much I want to run, me, on all fours (crying) on the corner of “bless her heart” and “she just wouldn’t listen” is not a good look. And not good to look at.  And hollering at the local hotties while sweating in the fetal position on the sidewalk is no way to meet a man.  Not one with teeth anyway. Trust me.

This is not to say that women runners in their 40s and beyond aren’t tearing it up on the side streets of America. I know they are – the bright light of their fitness glory blinds me each and every time they whiz by me on my WALKS. Kudos to them and those aerodynamic baby pusher things that have them navigating through the streets of Oakhurst like they’re training for decathlons.

As for me, I’ll keep watching the runners enviably from the sidelines. In the meantime I’ve got my walking and I’ve found a new workout muse – Michael Jackson The Experience. Michael Jackson and I have been tearing it up on my Wii.  If enough of you ask I’ll even video a session so you can get a good ab workout from laughing with me while you watch. No, not really.  Image: Not me running – Source:Flickr: Emanuel Leanza “Eleanza”

What’s your fit-at-forty story? Share in the comment section or on our Facebook page.

For weeks now I’ve been seriously rethinking this obsession I have with food and my weight. Specifically it’s occurred to me that for almost all of the past decade, my obsession with controlling (unsuccessfully I might add) what I eat and don’t eat has centered primarily on weight loss. This focus on weight and not on health has caused me to become unhealthier. Yo-yo dieting, pre-packaged diet meals, low carb, low fat, sugarless…you get the idea. My quest to lose weight devolved into me eating man made substitutes for food and came at the expense of eating food the way it was intended to be eaten.

It’s time for a change, a real change – an “I’m about to turn forty so I’ve got to start taking this seriously” change. I’ve been heading in this direction for years now, but eating for health was far down on the list, somewhere behind carb and calorie counting and fat monitoring. And while I’ve never been a lover of junk food and have always preferred fresh fruits and vegetables over sugary desserts – when it comes to food, the choices I make every day are made unconsciously, out of habit, and with very little regard to health and where my food is coming from.

In a nutshell (pun intended), clean eating is consuming food in its most natural state or as close to it as possible. It means eliminating as much processed foods from your diet as possible, and it means being conscious of the source of your food and the impact its production has on the environment. Militaristic clean eaters might have an issue with my definition, but that’s the definition that sums it up for me.  The Gracious Pantry has a great resource page about clean eating that you can access here. The turning point for me came when I watched the documentary Food, Inc. I’d absolutely recommend it to anyone curious about the source of their food – you will not be the same after watching it.

A year after test-driving my clean eating experiment I can say that I’ve adopted clean eating as a way of life.  A way of life differs from a diet in that it’s not something you ever “get off of.” So, on the (now increasingly rare) occasions that I don’t eat clean I, 1) enjoy it a lot less and 2) don’t belittle myself or consider it a diet catastrophe.  It’s not just a healthier way to eat, it’s a healthier way to think. Really, it’s a return to to the way my parents and grandparents used to cook and eat, before advertising and big business began convincing people that they had it all wrong.

Although I haven’t stuck to the $25 budget, I have been more conscientious about how much I purchase and what I’m paying for things, and in the long run that’s helped my overall budget.

So, what’s left is the weight loss. The good news is, the number on the scale is lower. The bad news is, not by much. As a child and teen I struggled with compulsive and emotional eating, and as a 41 year old woman I still do.  Like any habit/compulsion/addiction, it’s been a hard one to shake. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor apparently 41 years. Thankfully, I am a work in progress, not regress, and as long as I’m able, I’ll approach each day with the determination to become a healthier version of the person I was the day before. Anyone care to join me?

Grace

I officially fell off the wagon, or as I like to call it, “the back of the food truck” somewhere in Birmingham, Alabama after a barbeque feast fit for a queen. Due to a meat induced high, the details are somewhat sketchy, but there was roasted corn, potato salad, grits, biscuits, sausage and cinnamon buns, and that doesn’t even include dinner. *Sighs*

Today, back to reality. And as 40 year old bodies often do, mine is reacting negatively to the meat parade that just worked its way through my system. I have no one to blame but myself though, so you’ll hear no moaning from me. Instead I’m stocking up on the veggies my body is now most certainly craving and drinking water like I just got out of the desert.

The 28 degree mornings in Georgia have thrown another wrench in my “the morning walks will save me” plan – Side note, yesterday I saw a guy jogging in short-shorts in blustery cold weather and thought “How dedicated. How inspiring. How stupid.” So I’ve got to come up with a plan-B workout that won’t have me in sub-freezing temperatures and won’t bore me to tears. Any suggestions? I can’t go into the Christmas holidays with a bigger surplus than I already have – that would be depressing.

So, how are you handling the holiday feeding frenzy? Share your thoughts in the comment section, or on our Facebook fan page.

What would you be doing? If you know anything about me you know that I love reading and writing just about anything I can get my hands on. I can spend days doing (almost) just those two things. If I could read and write for a living that’s exactly what I’d be doing right now. The truth is, reading and writing is what I spend most of my time doing, it’s just that I’m not always reading and writing the kinds of things I want to, and the making a living part has been hard to come by. In my dream world I’d be editing or writing an article/post/book while (and this is where the ‘Where would you be doing it?’ question comes into play) sitting in a cafe somewhere in Italy. Or I’d be writing about my experiences while visiting South Africa or France or *closes eyes and picks a place on a map*, on the plane ride home. But here’s the thing, at the core of all of these dreams is a vision of myself walking for hours through the streets of a town I’m visiting for the first time, running through airports catching last minute flights and curled up sleeping blissfully (or fitfully) during a 14-hour flight. It’s a vision of a version of myself that doesn’t exist today. I have got to become a healthier me to even begin to wrap my mind around doing many of the things I want to do, the way I want to do them.

In response to those of you who say, “you don’t have to be a certain weight, size, (fill in the blank) to do (fill in the blank)” I say you’re right – for the most part. Being a smaller, healthier version of myself won’t make all my dreams reality, but it will facilitate some of them coming true. Does it mean that I won’t pursue these things until/unless I hit some magic number on the scale or size in a pair of jeans? No. The truth is, there is no magic number or pair of jeans. There is just the dream of walking and exploring for hours without feeling like I’m melting like butter on a hot pan. It’s the dream of me sitting comfortably on a plane without feeling like I’ve got to baste myself to slide into the seat. I get winded just thinking about it.

If I’m being honest with myself, being comfortable in my own skin is my biggest dream, and also the first step in making any of my other big dreams a reality. I’m viewing 40 as an opportunity to embrace change and make the changes that need to be made to get to the place and person I want to be. With a lot of hard work and determination, maybe one day I’ll be writing my book, or my next post, somewhere outside a little cafe in Italy.

What would you be doing in your dream life, and where would you be doing it? What are your thoughts on waiting to be (fill in the blank) to go after a particular dream? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on the Facebook fan page.

Editor’s Note: On Monday I shared with you the fork in the road of my ongoing health/exercise/weight loss/fitness battles. Sadly, I’m no stranger to fad and starvation diets. But today I’m sharing a great post from Esther Kane on a better path to weight loss. As a social worker, counselor and “ardent anti-dieter” Esther’s take on dealing with unwanted weight gain in our 40s is enlightening, and she offers a softer, gentler way to achieving weight loss.

Balanced Weight Loss by Esther Kane

Normally, I try to avoid talking about weight loss, being an eating disorders therapist- it can be a touchy subject indeed. But lately, I’ve come to realize that there is what I believe to be, a balanced approach to losing a bit of extra weight if you really need to for health reasons. How did I come to this realization, you ask? Personal experience of course!

Turning 39 recently has brought with it much appreciated wisdom, calmness, material comfort, and settling comfortably into myself- all of which I prayed and longed for in my teens and twenties and for which I am forever grateful. However, the not-so-easy-to-deal-with aspects have included graying hair, wrinkling skin, downward pointing breasts, and alas, weight gain. All of these have come as a major shock as somehow, I guess I had thought I would be immune to all of the side effects of ageing. But no, Mother Nature would have me learn otherwise. And while I am working really hard at growing older without plastic surgery, botox, or other toxic attempts to extend my youthful appearance, the weight gain has been a real doozy.

As it turns out, our metabolism slows down increasingly as we age and thus, our ability to burn off excess fat. I have never been obese and even at my heaviest, would be considered ‘average’ for a woman of my age, shape, and height, but the extra padding was getting in the way of my twisty-turny poses in my three times a week hot yoga class and my clothes weren’t looking as flattering as they used to.

Being an ardent anti-dieter and having had a history of a severe eating disorder in the past, I decided there was no way in hell I was going to starve myself through a rigid food deprivation regimen. Instead, over the past few months, I’ve really worked on the emotional side of things- coming to terms with the fact that I am, indeed, ageing- and that my body will naturally change it’s shape and size over the rest of my life. This is a hard pill to swallow in our shallow thin-is-in society, but a reality to which we must all succumb to someday and which is totally natural and acceptable. Overall, I’ve made a lot more peace with this fact and have come to accept (for the most part) that I have traded a young, lean body for the wise, calm, and successful woman whom I have become which is something to be really proud of and grateful for.

Add to that, keeping up with daily moderate exercise- I love and do Bikram’s hot yoga three times a week religiously- more for the stress-busting and inner peace and calm it gives me than for the calories burned. And I’ve tweaked my already healthy diet a bit more in order to boost my metabolism and achieve overall good health. I am aware that the goal is not to be skinny (my body isn’t made to be skinny no matter how hard I may try), but instead, to try and stay at my set-point weight, where I look and feel my best. This set-point changes over the course of our lives as our bodies change so make sure it’s realistic for your current age and body type.

It’s taken me about four months to lose the excess weight I had put on, and I now fit into my clothes the way I did before I gained that extra weight and it feels really good. Slow and steady like the good ‘ol turtle does the trick. And there has been no obsessing, calorie-counting, or beating myself up along the way. I really feel now that the fact that I truly love myself and mostly accept who I am and the body I have now have made a huge difference. Perhaps there is an easier, softer, and gentler way after all…

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Esther Kane, MSW, RCC relocated to the Comox Valley over two years ago from Vancouver. She is in full-time private practise as a psychotherapist in Courtenay. Esther has over a decade of experience counselling women and their loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck so that they can become all that they dream of being. You can learn more about Esther on her website www.estherkane.com.

This piece was reposted with the author’s permission.

It’s ironic that just before the TMPRI, I’d decided that since so much of what happens to us in life seem out of our control – jobs, lay-offs, the economy – we should take ownership of the things we actually can control. Eating and exercising was at the top of my “Things I can control” list. Or so I thought. The next day I broke the record for the most embarrassing knee injury story ever. Coincidence? I’m not sure.

Should I be reading anything into the fact that the day after I declare absolute control over something, I lose control over that very thing? Could it be that we’re not in control of as much as we’d like to think we are? Or is the lesson one in learning to go with the flow and making things work no matter how many forks there are in the road? I’m leaning towards the latter. And so I’m starting a new week with the hope of  walking at least two pain-free days and eating healthy all seven.

I’ve been fighting this weight/health/overeating battle most of my life, and although there are times I get very discouraged – especially when I read about metabolism beating a hasty retreat at 40 – I realize that the only day I’m guaranteed to fail is the day I wake up and say I’m not going to try. So, fork in the road be damned. I’ll walk a little slower, do a bit of weight training as a commenter suggested, and see where this fork takes me.

Have you experienced any unexpected forks in the road? How are you dealing with them, and what’s the lesson you’re learning? Share your thoughts in the comment section, or on our Facebook fan page.

While there are a lot of great things about turning 40, rogue joint poppage, mutinous facial hair and decreased metabolism aren’t any of them. So here are a couple of suggestions for managing the post- 40 metabolism slow down:

• Drink 8 glasses of ice water every day – We’ve been hearing the “drink water, drink water” mantra for years, but did you realize that making it ice water forces your body to warm it up, burning calories in the process?
• Consume 25 grams of fiber a day – Beans, steel cut oats and brown rice are all inexpensive foods that add valuable fiber to your diet. Also, check your supermarket shelves for pasta and bread with added fiber.
• Cut 100 calories from your daily calorie consumption. That doesn’t mean you have to start tracking calories. This can be accomplished by doing simple things like skipping the cheese on the burger, using mustard instead of mayo and removing the skin from chicken.
• Use your major muscles – Dr. Oz suggests doing things like plank exercises and squats during commercial breaks.

On Friday, I’ll share five tips from the show for boosting metabolism, adding fiber to your diet and monitoring serving sizes. See you Friday!

Have a tip for being Fit at Forty? Share it in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

Needless to say the whole incident put a monkey wrench in my plan to be fit at forty. I had finally found a morning rhythm, getting up early and walking anywhere from 2-4 miles daily. I was even at the point where I was, wait for it… enjoying my walks. And then this.

I wish I could say I busted my knee hiking, preparing for a marathon or secretly rendezvousing with my mystery man one night. I wish I could say that’s how it happened. You know what really happened? I got up to take a sheet of paper off the printer *hangs head in shame* That’s it. There was no earthquake while I was reaching for the paper, and my printer didn’t start doing something out of a Transformers movie. I just stood up.

In all fairness to me, I got up really, really quickly and did an intricate kind of Matrix move to reach the printer. Because you know, you can never pull a sheet of paper off the printer fast enough.

I don’t feel too bad though, a friend recently posted a picture of himself on Facebook wearing a neck brace. And while he did sustain his injury engaging in strenuous physical activity, his Facebook status sums it up, “I got all Evel Knievel on my mountain bike, but instead of the Grand Canyon, I attempted a speed-bump sized root in the Forest Preserve. The root won.” He’s also 40. Is this some kind of trend?

I hope to get back to walking next week. But why is it so much harder to get back into a thing than it is to get out of it? Nevertheless, I have every intention of doing it. I’ve only got 9 months left on my quest to be fit at 40, and I’m determined not to let the root win.

Read more about our plans to be Fit at Forty, in the Women at Forty’s Health & Beauty section. And if you’re on your own quest to be Fit at Forty, we’d like to hear from you. Email your story to contribute@womenatforty.com.

Editor’s Note: Since returning to walking after taking just a week off from my recently established daily walking routine, I’m really feeling it. My body is no longer as forgiving as it used to be. I’m sluggish, lacking energy, and although I never thought I’d say it, missing my morning walks. Besides the physical benefits of walking, I’m experiencing the stress release and mental clarity that accompanies a nice long walk. Jacqueline, who runs the website, The Aging Suite, suggested I add Tai Chi to my workouts. Today she tells us why Tai Chi can be beneficial, especially to women at 40.

Ok, so when you think about Tai Chi, you don’t exactly think about something someone in their 40’s is doing. You may think, it’s great for my mom and dad and even grandparents, but for me, not so much. Well, think again. Tai Chi is a great form of exercise regardless of your age. Tai Chi is a traditional form of Chinese martial arts that has been practiced in China for centuries. Its benefits and forms have spread throughout the world. Tai Chi is also a low intensity exercise; its movements are smooth, non-jarring, and work joints through their full range of motion. It is believed to have many health benefits including improving flexibility.Alright, I’m 40 or in my 40’s, and am pretty flexible, what can Tai Chi do for me? Research suggests that Tai Chi is also beneficial for younger women in helping to improve their balance and blood pressure. A 2004 article studied the effects of Tai Chi on Chinese women aged 33-55. The women in the study had not participated in other types of exercise or sport for at least 2 years and had not previously done Tai Chi. The women took The Tai Chi classes 3 times a week for 12 weeks. At the end of the study, the women’s systolic and diastolic blood pressures had decreased. They also demonstrated improvements in balance when compared with another group who had not done Tai Chi. To read the article in its entirety, check out this link at Oxford Journals.

Other believed benefits of Tai Ch include:

• Improved muscle strength

• Reduced risk of multiple falls

• Lower blood pressure

• Improvements with muscles that control posture

• Improved balance

• Improved cardio fitness

• Lower levels of depression

• Reduced stress and anxiety

To learn more about the benefits of Tai Chi, visit The Aging Suite.

Jacqueline is an Occupational Therapist and blogger. She is the Senior Editor of The Aging Suite, a site that offers tips for aging in place for seniors and their families.