1. Whether your guy is a sports fanatic or fashionista he’s sure to go nutz for these Sterling Silver Major League Baseball Cuff Links. Each is authenticated under the auspices of the MLB Authentication Program and carries a uniquely numbered hologram that allows fans to verify their item. All 30 MLB teams are available.

2. The Write Stuff – Rhodium plated rollerball pens crafted from old, wooden baseball stadium seats are the perfect gift for the baseball loving man in your life who also spends his days penning love letters. *Sighs* Each pen also includes a signed authenticity card.  (Image: Times Crossord Cuff Links –In the Present)

3. What’s a 10 letter word for enthusiast? Aficianado – And these Sterling Silver Cuff Link versions of the iconic New York Times crossword puzzle will be the envy of every crossword puzzle aficianado out there. The puzzles were specially designed by the master himself, Will Shortz, and are printed on authentic Times newsprint.

4. When money is no object, these 18 Karat Gold Jigsaw Puzzle Cuff Links are a luxury item he’s sure to love. Designed by Brazil’s Antonio Bernardo, these one-of-a-kind cuff links are sure to stand out.

5. Step back in time with these original Watch Piece Cuff Links – Taken from watches of the early to mid 20th Century, the gears, levers and jewels reveal the secrets of synchronized precision. Set in sterling, the cuff links come in a gift box complete with authenticity card.

If you’ve got a fab find for Women at Forty, email it to contribute@womenatforty.com and you could see it in a future Five for Friday.

Self described “gift guru” Pamela Grossman was TBS’ Director of Production for several years before starting her own business, In The Present. In The Present started with a passion to develop and deliver creative corporate and personal gifts of the highest quality.

Editor’s Note: I love receiving reader comments, especially when they come from fellow bloggers. It’s a great way to meet fellow women at forty and learn about their life experiences. That’s exactly the case with Claire. Claire is a 40 something from Ireland who, in her early 40’s became a first time mom – or mam as the Irish call it. She shares her experiences on her website FortySomething First Time Mum. In this post, Claire shares with us her journey from not wanting to have kids and detesting the entire process to loving it and being very grateful for being a mum.

A Mum At Last

As you can guess from the title of this blog, I am a forty something first time mum. Or as we say here in Ireland ‘Mam’ or ‘Mammy’.

It can be a lonely business being a forty something first time mum. Many people of my age have older and even fully grown children. This was brought home to me at a mother and toddler group that I attended for a short while. The leader asked me if I was my two year old son’s ‘nana’ (grandmother)! I was horrified as I think I actually look pretty ok for my age (44). Maybe I have what is recently termed as ‘fatorexia’ and ‘age orexia’ because when I look in the mirror I see a fairly slim young one looking back at me!! I enjoyed the group but I left after a few weeks as it reminded me that I am indeed a bit of an oldie. Most of the other mothers and fathers were at least ten years younger than me!

Maybe you are wondering, if I am so worried about being an older mum, why I left it so late? The answer I will give now is I really do not know! The answer I would have given in my twenties and thirties about not having children would have been that I did not want to be poor, trapped and miserable. After all, that’s what had happened to my mother for part of her life, not to mention some of my peers who had children at a young age. And so, I spent my twenties and thirties in a partying haze, pushing kids to the bottom of my list. In fact, they really were not on my list at all!

Even when I married at age 34, I wasn’t that enamored of the idea. Luckily, my other half did not pressure me or seem to mind too much. In fact, he once said he thought I was too immature to have kids! The pot and the kettle come to mind in that regard! We both had good full time jobs and enjoyed going away, drinking and going out for meals. I didn’t believe in the biological clock either or that it would ever tick for me. What a shock I was in for!

At around age 38 , I suddenly started to take a big interest in my nieces and nephews. Although I loved them, I really couldn’t be bothered before. My brothers never asked me to babysit much and everyone said I preferred animals to kids! I guess, in hindsight, it would have seemed that way, but deep down I think I was just trying to avoid the whole issue. And issues about childbirth and parenthood I truly had. I couldn’t even bear to hear about childbirth or watch a scene on TV involving it. I felt it was a humiliating and degrading experience for the woman and that as usual the man got off scot free. It really scared me when I started to ogle babies in their prams, and wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own! What was happening to me? Had I been wrong about the biological clock because it sure seemed to have started ticking for me, however late!

I really started to feel I wanted a child and my husband felt the same. We tried, but unfortunately nothing happened except a miscarriage. I didn’t even realize that was what it was at the time so ignorant of all things of that ilk was I! As time went on and I hit the age of forty, I decided to forget about the whole idea. By that stage I felt that it was probably my own fault that I could not conceive. I had spent the best part of 38 years saying I did not want children. Now it seemed as if my body was responding in kind. I felt as if I had willed it into not wanting them either. I remember someone saying to me at that time, that since I was forty, I might as well face the fact I would never have kids. I was sad but decided to get on with life and not think about it. Parenthood is not the path for everyone and it is not in everyone’s life journey. I thought that was probably the case with me. I went part time in my day job and set up my own dog walking and pet sitting business and felt for the most part content with my life.

Then, out of the blue, at the age of 41, it happened! I was pregnant! And what’s more I was over three months gone before I even realized. I had lost track of my cycle because I had put it out of my mind. I was not sick and had no other symptoms. In fact, I felt great and had loads of energy. It was only when his nibs asked me if I had been keeping tabs on my cycle because he hadn’t heard me complaining about it for yonks, that it even crossed my mind. I was soooooooooo happy when the test came up positive. In fact, two tests and the one at the doctors came up positive, positive, positive!!

Other people were shocked and urged me to have all manner of tests done because of my age. I went for some private counseling just to be sure it was something we could handle. We then decided that we would forego the tests and just accept whatever and whoever was sent to us. I just knew then, that even if those tests had showed up any abnormalities we were ready for it. Thankfully, all was perfect and in November 2007 our beautiful son was born. It really was the best day of my life! Now I knew what people meant.

If I had known before what I found out that day and what I know now, I would have tried to have children a lot earlier. I realize now that even if it did cause me to be trapped, that having a child is a wonderful, beautiful blessing. In fact, parenthood has not trapped or frightened me in any way. So far, it is a bonus and an enhancement to my life and I think I can speak for my husband there too.

Since then, I have wanted another child really badly. I have a strong longing for that but I also wanted it for my little son. I would like him to have a sibling so that having older parents won’t be a burden to him in later life. Sadly, I had a miscarriage last year age 43 and it was devastating. We are so so so thankful for the child we have and I am so grateful my body clock ticked loudly and woke me up before it really was too late!

In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a forty something first time mum but here I am!!! Yippee!!

Claire Hegarty, lives in Dublin, Ireland with son, husband and 8 garden cats. She is on a career break from her job in Tourism and her petsitting business.  She is using the time to concentrate on parenting, blogging and following her dreams.

Editor’s Note: I’m usually the “everything that’s supposed to happen does” person but lately I’ve been dealing with a little of the “if onlys” – If only I had more money, if only things had gone this way instead of that, if only I’d have had this or done that by the time I turned 40. If only things were different. Apparently I’m not the only one who finds herself in the occasional “if only” rut. In today’s post Esther Kane shares her thoughts on a different concept of happiness and being content with who and where you are in life.

Wherever I go, There I am

Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of stories from clients about how unhappy they are in their present circumstances, and if only they could have more money, land a better job, move somewhere more exciting, find the right partner,__________(fill in the blank), life would be oh-so-much-better. I am really good at this form of wishful thinking myself. Anytime I find myself bored, lacking enthusiasm, or lonely, I come up with some exciting life-makeover plan that will surely cure all of my ills (or so I’m convinced). (Photo: Flickr:Shayan)

As of late, it’s been dividing my time between a small town and a city. I have somehow deluded myself (and perhaps my husband?) that I would be a much happier, healthier, more vibrant version of my present self if I lived in two places. I can spend countless hours checking out real estate in more exotic, exciting places and daydream and scheme about all of the fabulous opportunities that would magically open up to me if I were to immerse myself in big city living once more.

The funny part however, is that I spent more than thirty years in Canada’s biggest cities, and was perhaps even more miserable than I am now. Okay, I am being a bit dramatic. I am not miserable now- just always looking for something bigger, better, and more exciting than what is right here in front of my nose. The only comfort I get is when I see clients every day who seem to suffer from this same form of self-induced malaise. From what I see, hear, and read, I would say it’s a social epidemic- perhaps even a luxury for those of us who have the time to sit and pontificate on the question of whether we’re “happy” or not. I’m wondering if it’s a generational thing that started with the Baby Boomers in the 1960’s. That’s when my parents came of age and when self-realization and the pursuit of happiness became the new religion.

I mean, how many of our grandparents worried constantly if they were “happy” or “fulfilled”? I know mine were too busy escaping the Nazis and Anti-Semitism to focus on such concepts. They were simply SURVIVING. And thank goodness they did, otherwise I wouldn’t be here writing this in the first place.

And it’s not just our grandparents who didn’t have that luxury of self-reflection. There are millions of people all over the world who are just fighting to stay alive and don’t know if they will have clean water, food, or a roof over their heads every day. And yet, from all of the film footage I’ve seen, it seems to me, that at the end of the day, these folks seem happier than most of us who ‘have it all’ materially. I don’t mean to generalize because I have no idea how happy these people are, but what seems to be true is that they have a very different concept of “happiness” than we do.

My experience of North Americans is that with all of our technological advances, wealth, and relative safety, we are one lonely mass of people. In fact, there was a book recently written about this that a lot of my clients are talking about. I think that it is often loneliness and a sense of being disconnected from others that leads us in search of a “geographical cure”. We reason that we’re lonely/disconnected/lacking a life of meaning because we live in a cold, urban, money-grubbing city. Or the opposite-we’d have more connection/meaning if we got out of this small town and immersed ourselves in big city life.

But one thing I’ve learned in my 38 (almost 39!) years, is that wherever we go, we take ourselves with us. In other words, if you are a doom and gloom thinker, you’re going to take that attitude with you wherever you move and will probably have a similar life experience as the one you left behind. Why? Because you may have changed the scenery, but the inner landscape of your mind has remained the same.

I always find it amusing when I hear someone say that they have to go off to some far away place to “find myself”. My automatic thought is, “Just look in the mirror- you’re right there!” That’s why I feel that therapy is so important in today’s world- we can change a lot of the stuff on the outside, but it’s of very little use unless we change what’s in the inside (our minds). So go take a looksie in the mirror and smile at what you see; you’re the only you there is- like it or not. And maybe with a bit of an attitude adjustment, things will look even better…

Esther Kane, MSW, RCC relocated to the Comox Valley over two years ago from Vancouver. She is in full-time private practise as a psychotherapist in Courtenay. Esther has over a decade of experience counseling women and their loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck so that they can become all that they dream of being. You can learn more about Esther on her website www.estherkane.com.

This article was originally posted on www.estherkane.com. It is reposted with the author’s permission.

1. Tshirts with Blazers  and loafers without socks – Thanks to Miami Vice detectives Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs, high school boys in the 80’s felt comfortable rocking the Thsirt with blazer, no socks look in the latter part of the decade. Miami Vice changed the way people watched TV and ushered in an era where television began to appeal to a younger, more vibrant audience.

2. Leg Warmers – Thanks to movies like Fame and Flashdance, and Jane Fonda’s workout videos legwarmers became staples in the 80’s and were worn with leggings, jeans or tights.

3. Shoulder Pads – Alexis and Krystal rocked them almost every week on Dynasty, but huge shoulder pads weren’t relegated to prime time divas. Unfortunately I’ve unearthed several pictures of my 16 year old self wearing shoulder pads that could rival those of a linebacker.

4. Jheri Curls – If there was ever a trend to look back and ask “why?!?” this one was it – and I know of what I speak. I rocked a head of massive curls for a good part of the decade. That’s one picture you won’t be seeing on Facebook.

5. Off the shoulder sweats – Not only did Flashdance bring us legwarmers, it also brought us Jennifer Beals sporting an oversized, off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. Not surprisingly that fad seems to be making a comeback.

Share your 80’s fashion memories here, or on our Facebook fan page. If you’ve got a suggestion for a future Five for Friday, email it to contribute@womenatforty.com.

Looking at that picture, the first thought I have is “look how small I was!” Back then though, you couldn’t have convinced me that I wasn’t anything but fat. I think I also looked happy and hopeful. I’d just graduated from high school and was on my way to Rutgers University in the fall and ready (or so I thought) for all that life had to offer.

For me the prom was a time to play dress up – to wear the heels and makeup I never wore in high school and to begin to fill the shoes of the adult I’d one day become. The fitted peach, satin ensemble was designed and hand sewn by a very talented aunt and I thought it would never go out of style. Boy was I wrong.

Speaking of wrong, looking back at the fashion of the 80’s, a lot of what we wore was just plain wrong. From the big hair to the Jheri curls, oversized block print tees to the color coordinated Lee jean ensembles, the 80’s were, let’s just say, a colorful decade. Later on this week I’ll show you just how colorful it really was.

I’ve also decided to embrace my prom picture in all its peach-lace glory and am now boldly using it as my Facebook profile picture. If you’re bad enough (as in 80’s Michal Jackson Bad), I encourage you to do the same. Go ahead, show us what you were working with back then, big hair, big shoulders and all.

Go ahead post your prom pic as your profile and/or share them on our Facebook Fan Page.

Artists & Albums that defined the 80′s Part 2

If you’d like to add your favorite artists or submit your own list, do so in the comment section, share on our Facebook Fan Page, or email contribute@womenatforty.com.

]]> http://womenatforty.com/2010/07/the-80s-the-music-that-defined-the-decade-part-2/feed/ 0 http://womenatforty.com/2010/07/wafs-five-for-friday-fun-in-the-80s-edition/ http://womenatforty.com/2010/07/wafs-five-for-friday-fun-in-the-80s-edition/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:58:58 +0000 editor http://womenatforty.com/?p=2617 Since we’re like, in 80’s mode, I thought I’d like, revisit like five 80’s pop cultural phenomenon that were like all the rage during the 80’s. If you count, my like, excessive use of the word like, then it’s actually like six. Share the list with your kids so they can marvel at how we managed to entertain ourselves without laptops, iphones and texting. Maybe they’ll be like “gag me with a spoon” and then you can be like, “totally!”  Yeah, we were that silly.

1. Rubik’s Cube – This colorful 3-D mechanical puzzle made its debut in 1980. Despite the fact that most solutions to the cube have come from mathematicians, demand for the cube in 1981 exceeded its initial 1 million piece order. As of January 2009, 350 million cubes have sold worldwide making it the world’s top-selling puzzle game.

2. McGyver – MacGyver debuted on ABC in 1985 and from the very first episode, Richard Dean Anderson was getting himself out of impossible situations with only a Swiss Army knife and Duct Tape. McGyver’s escape tactics became so legendary that popular culture turned the action hero into a verb, as in “The car broke down but he MacGyvered a fix to get home.”  Can you imagine how different the show would have been if he’d had an iphone?

3. Commodore VIC 20 –  The Commodore was the first personal computer in our home and many others in the U.S. By today’s standard the VIC now looks absolutely archaic, but it ushered in the advent of the personal computer and gave us a glimpse of things to come.

4. Cabbage Patch Dolls – The first year Cabbage Patch’s were officially on the market was the first time I remember adults rioting over toys. Literally. The dolls’ release in 1983 ushered in a new era of parents fighting each other over their kids’ toys, one that sadly continues even today.

5. We’re Not Candy PSA – That and Hankering for a Hunka Cheese were two of my favorite saturday morning PSAs from the 80’s. But even prior to talking pills, School House Rock had us at conjunction junction, understanding how bills became laws and sufferin’ till sufferage. Visit schoolhouserock.tv to watch your favorite school house rock videos. And watch the We’re Not Candy PSA right now…

Check out the image gallery below and the 20 albums and artists from the first half of the 80′s that helped define my decade. Your top 40 is likely to be quite different – part of the fun in doing something like this is seeing how lists differ. If you’d like to add your favorite artists or submit your own list, do so in the comment section, share on our Facebook Fan Page, or email contribute@womenatforty.com.

Artists & Albums that defined the 80′s Part 1: 20 hits from 1980 – 1985

For the next few weeks I’ll be taking a step back into the 80’s.  For women at forty, these were our junior and high school years, influential in shaping us into the women we’d one day become. Much of the confidence we now have, or the issues we still hang on to, began during those “wonder years.”

During the 80’s, mothers began working away from home in greater numbers and movies like Baby Boom and TV’s Murphy Brown began bringing single motherhood into the spotlight. The Cosby Show gave the world a window into the lives of African American families, and the Oprah phenomenon began its meteoric rise.

Every generation says it about their heyday, but times were simpler then. I don’t envy the enormous social pressures on teens today, it all makes me a little nostalgic for the days of my youth. So join me on this journey back in time as I pay homage to the things that were important to our generation during the 80′s.  I’ll be revisiting our music, movies, TV shows, fashion…you name it. Hang on, this is going to be a blast!

Share your own 80′s memories – favorite songs, artists, fashion etc. -  here in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan page.

Editor’s Note: Since returning to walking after taking just a week off from my recently established daily walking routine, I’m really feeling it. My body is no longer as forgiving as it used to be. I’m sluggish, lacking energy, and although I never thought I’d say it, missing my morning walks. Besides the physical benefits of walking, I’m experiencing the stress release and mental clarity that accompanies a nice long walk. Jacqueline, who runs the website, The Aging Suite, suggested I add Tai Chi to my workouts. Today she tells us why Tai Chi can be beneficial, especially to women at 40.

Ok, so when you think about Tai Chi, you don’t exactly think about something someone in their 40’s is doing. You may think, it’s great for my mom and dad and even grandparents, but for me, not so much. Well, think again. Tai Chi is a great form of exercise regardless of your age. Tai Chi is a traditional form of Chinese martial arts that has been practiced in China for centuries. Its benefits and forms have spread throughout the world. Tai Chi is also a low intensity exercise; its movements are smooth, non-jarring, and work joints through their full range of motion. It is believed to have many health benefits including improving flexibility.Alright, I’m 40 or in my 40’s, and am pretty flexible, what can Tai Chi do for me? Research suggests that Tai Chi is also beneficial for younger women in helping to improve their balance and blood pressure. A 2004 article studied the effects of Tai Chi on Chinese women aged 33-55. The women in the study had not participated in other types of exercise or sport for at least 2 years and had not previously done Tai Chi. The women took The Tai Chi classes 3 times a week for 12 weeks. At the end of the study, the women’s systolic and diastolic blood pressures had decreased. They also demonstrated improvements in balance when compared with another group who had not done Tai Chi. To read the article in its entirety, check out this link at Oxford Journals.

Other believed benefits of Tai Ch include:

• Improved muscle strength

• Reduced risk of multiple falls

• Lower blood pressure

• Improvements with muscles that control posture

• Improved balance

• Improved cardio fitness

• Lower levels of depression

• Reduced stress and anxiety

To learn more about the benefits of Tai Chi, visit The Aging Suite.

Jacqueline is an Occupational Therapist and blogger. She is the Senior Editor of The Aging Suite, a site that offers tips for aging in place for seniors and their families.