In the same email I received the “frittata” message, I got this Five in the Morning list courtesy of Chris’ Human Business Works site and I’ve gotten permission from his people to use it as this week’s Five for Friday. It’s five things you can do in ten minutes and it’s a great way to begin rethinking the way you approach productivity in the new year.

1. Write down the three things you MUST move forward on today. Tape it to your monitor. Add it to a notepad file on your computer. Send a reminder to “noon@nudgemail.com” with the three things in the body of the email. (more about nudgemail – not a sponsor).

2. Write down three things to STOP doing today. Do you really need to be subscribed and reading all those blogs? Which ones could you eliminate? Are there one or two TV shows you could stop watching today and replace with some work on your projects? Write down a few negative things to stop SAYING to yourself, too.

3. Once you finish reading this, send an email to someone you haven’t contacted lately that you value. Make the request/offer to connect with someone and work on a project with them in 2011.

4. Have a nice glass of water. So few of us are drinking enough water. This one glass will help your body flush out bad stuff, push out some fat, and get your skin feeling a little more supple. All for free (well, depending on where you get your water).

5. Go to your LinkedIn profile and double-check what the summary says about you. Is that what you want prospective business partners and colleagues to see? How could you make your LinkedIn profile work for you?

I’m putting together some great Five for Fridays for the new year. If you’ve got a suggestion, product or thought you’d like to share, email it to contribute(@)womenatforty.com. (Remove parenthesis)

1. This lesson was  WAF’s Facebook‘Thought of the day’ earlier in the week, and although it might sound harsh, it’s true – Hope is not a strategy. Hope is great, necessary, can help us get out of bed on a Monday morning and motivate us to make it through the day, but hope is not a strategy. A strategy is a systematic plan of action. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. So if strategy is the cake, hope is the decorative rose on top – everybody loves the candy rose, but the cake is the main thing.

2. Advice can come from anywhere – and at any time. Lisa Price shared the story from the first year she was in business. Her husband was delivering product to customers on roller blades and they were still selling product out of their home. She was buying some products from a woman who told her that if she was ever asked to speak to students, she should just say yes. At the time a speaking engagement was something that was not only unfathomable, but terrifying. Two years later she was asked to address a group of students at university, and she remembered that woman’s advice and though petrified, said yes. Fast forward to today and several speaking engagements later and despite the current economy, Lisa recently broke a Home Shopping Network record by selling more than $2 million of product in six hours when she debuted Mary J. Blige’s first fragrance.

3. Don’t let your haters stop you from doing what you came here to do. Bestselling author Emily Giffin talked about quitting her job as a lawyer and deciding to move to England to work on her first novel. She recalled being on an elevator with one of the partners who had given her hell while she worked at the firm. He made a snide comment about hearing that she was leaving to “write a book” and scoffed. Emily talked about during the process of writing her book remembering his comment and thinking, “if this doesn’t work, I’ll have to go back there and he’ll know I failed.” Five bestsellers and a feature movie in the works later and it’s pretty obvious she did exactly what she was supposed to.

4. A million dollar idea in $10 shoes – I don’t like networking. Despite my sometimes incessant talking and alleged big mouth, I am a bit of an introvert, choosing to stay home with a good book over a networking event any day. But networking is a necessity so I’m working on getting better at it, but because I tend to hang back and watch people, I learn a lot of these types of events. I watch how people interact and notice the types of people other people gravitate to. One of the things I’ve learned is this – a lot of people will step over a million dollar idea because it’s wearing $10 shoes. Great ideas don’t always come in the shiniest packages or the “best” wrapping. Remember the old saying, don’t judge a book by it’s cover? It’s still true today. The next time you’re at an event, listen to the softest voice in the room, many times she’s the person with the most to say.

5. Do you – It’s become so trite now, it’s almost embarrassing to repeat, but it’s trite because it’s true. No one can or will do you better.  Doubt, discouragement, frustration is magnified when we try to be someone we aren’t. If you find yourself acting, speaking, thinking in a manner that contradicts who you feel you are at your core, stop. If it’s not you, you won’t be able to keep the act up for long and it will show. You might be a small mom and pop out of your garage, or you might be a million dollar enterprise destined for the Home Shopping Network – find your happy and live there.

Read more about Pink’s Empowerment event and its panelists here.

If you’ve got a Five for Friday you’d like to share, email me at contribute(@)womenatforty.com, and it could be featured in a future post!

The number one relationship mistake women make

One of the most common relationship mistakes Rachel sees women making is getting into relationships or marrying for the wrong reason. Rachel cautions women to enter a relationship and marry for the right reason, “not out of need, not out of desperation, not out of dependence.”  (Image: The Relationship Suite’s Ask the Relationship Expert)

The number one relationship advice she shares with women

Rachel says, “make sure you know yourself. Know what your vision is, your desires, your wants and needs. And really be independent on so many levels before you choose your partner. Not doing this builds resentment. When you’re in that place – the place where you know who you are – you’re more likely to attract someone who is your fit. Some women,” she continues, “are settling, but women must know it’s important to be hopeful and continue to work on themselves so that they can attract their own divine, right relationship.”

The infamous list

I’ve written about “The List” before. You know the list – it’s the one with all the qualities you seek in a mate. I asked Rachel what she thinks about these lists. She believes they can be a helpful tool for identifying what really matters. She says, “It’s important to have negotiables and non-negotiables, but it’s also important to be open.”

Ask The Relationship Expert

Women at Forty is joining forces with Rachel to help get real answers to our most intimate relationship questions. On her site, The Relationship Suite, Rachel has set up a free, confidential and secure environment to find those answers. To submit your relationship question, visit Ask the Relationship Expert and Rachel will reply to you directly.

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Rachel Moheban LCSW, is the creator of The Relationship Suite and The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program.  For additional information about Rachel and to receive your free Relationship Suite Starter Kit, including a free five minute relationship assessment, visit her website, www.therelationshipsuite.com.

On Turning 40

“For me, 40 was revolutionary.” Rachel explains. “It’s a time when you really come into yourself in an incredible way. In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill says that between the ages of 40 and 60 we are our most creative, and I’ve found that to be true. At 40 I started developing my program and it’s the time when I learned the most emotionally and professionally.” Rachel also believes that we become more in tune with our spiritual selves in our 40s. She says, “if you can really tune into that, it’s miraculous.”

On The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program

In practice for 15 years, Rachel notes that the average couple waits 7 years before deciding to go to therapy. By then she says, “the resentment has really grown and it becomes harder and harder for couples to communicate.” She saw that couples needed an additional resource to address the issues that most impacted them. Those issues are money, physical intimacy and anger. The program, which focuses on prevention and intervention, was created “for couples who need support in understanding and learning how to better get along with their partners.”  It’s also valuable for relationships with children, parents, colleagues and friends.  Rachel says the program, or “relationship toolkit” as she refers to it, is like Cliff Notes, “it’s a condensed version of countless books and seminars all rolled into material ready to give a quick start to more intimacy, well-being, a stronger relationship with your partner, and a happier life together.”

On building “The Relationship Suite”

As I’ve been doing with all our Women at Forty Whirly Girls I asked Rachel what advice she’d give to women running their own business. “Have confidence,” she says, “know yourself really well. Know your center, stay connected to your passion and where it takes you. It will be natural and organic if you’re connected.”

Wednesday: Rachel tells us the relationship mistake many women make, gives her opinion on the infamous “list” and shares her number one piece of relationship advice.

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Rachel Moheban, LCSW is the creator of The Relationship Suite and The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program.  For additional information about Rachel and to receive a  free Relationship Suite Starter Kit, including a free five minute relationship assessment, visit her website, www.therelationshipsuite.com.

1. Coffee anyone? Who hasn’t seen Gevalia coffee’s free offers in the mail now and then? Well I know they’re legit – I still have my free coffee maker from 10 years ago. To get your free Coffee for Two Coffee Maker, join their Seasonal Flavors Coffee Club to receive four 1/2 lb boxes of their current selection and your next seasonal flavors every 3 months. If you call or cancel online after receiving your trial shipment, your only cost is $5.95 for shipping. If you’re a coffee lover though, Gevalia’s Coffee Club might be just the thing for you. They even have a “love your coffee or it’s free” guarantee.

2. Free Italian Cookbook Download – Barilla pasta has a program called Sharing the Table. The program’s goal is to help families build closer relationships with loved ones through meaningful meals. When you visit the site and click the “Yes I Do” tab, indicating you believe in meaningful meals, Barilla donates $1 to Meals on Wheels and you can download a free Italian cookbook featuring recipes by Mario Batali. The 32 page cookbook includes celebrity inspired recipes for Vegetable Lasagne, Spaghetti Carbonara and much more.  Visit Barilla’s Share the Table page for details.

3. Parlate italiano? Deutsch? Do you want to? Livemocha is the world’s largest online language learning community, offering free and paid online language courses in 35 languages to more than 6 million members from over 200 countries around the world. Sign up, sign on and begin chatting away in the language of your choice with real native speakers.

4. One of Bank of America’s best kept secrets is that during the first full weekend of each month, BOA customers get free general admission at many of their city’s museums, zoos and educational sites. The program requires a valid BOA debit or credit card and photo ID for entry. Visit their Museums on Us site for a list of museums in your area and to sign up to receive monthly reminder emails.

5. If you’d like to create your own desktop publishing masterpieces or conference with colleagues, but can’t afford the hundreds of dollars it costs to buy the software, check out Zoho.com for free and/or cheap online word processing, spreadsheet creation and remote meeting access software. Most applications are free for personal use, and for business use, prices start as low as $8 per month.

Got a suggestion for a future Five for Friday? Send it to contribute@womenatforty.com and it could be featured in an upcoming post!

Editor’s Note: Today’s contribution to our Career section comes from blogger Denise D. She writes for the blog, Really Bad Boss, which has been featured in the Huffington Post and The Sun Times. In this piece she talks about making the best out of a bad job, boss or work situation…advice that can be applied to most anything…

What doesn’t kill you..

…often still hurts a little, or a lot.  But while you’re down there writhing in pain from the abuse, incompetence or just plain stupidity of a bad boss or bad work situation, use the time to learn a thing or two.  That’s what I’m doing…

A One Woman Show

Who would have thought that a couple years after being laid off (again) from a job working for (yet another) bad boss, that I’d be wearing the hats of marketing manager, artistic director, sales woman, PR person and human resources? And that’s just on a Monday.  At times it can be overwhelming and I certainly put in more hours than I’ve ever put in in my life, but the not having to answer to an idiot part and the not having to beg someone for time off part, well that makes it all worth while – even those months when I just squeak by. And I have no one to thank but the string of bad bosses who made me so angry and frustrated that I vowed I’d never work for another one again.

Working hard for everyone else

The irony is that despite the layoff track record, I’ve been working really hard for other people my entire adult life. I was the kind of employee who showed up early, stayed late and worked hard and smart because I took pride in what I did – even when my efforts were ignored. In the case of the worst bosses, my efforts were often ignored, undermined, or simply dismissed. And year after year I watched amazed as men and women who couldn’t work their their way out of a paper bag ran million dollar divisions and corporations, and I wondered what they had that I didn’t.

Some of them were simply handed their jobs by parents who’d worked hard and never quite transferred the same work ethic to their kids. Others just happened to be in the right place at the right time. And still others were coasting by on dumb luck. As I walked out of the office the day I was laid off, leaving behind the most ridiculous CEO I’d ever met and the most insane HR manager I’d had to misfortune of working with, I thought out loud – there’s got to be a better way than this.

I promise, it really does make you stronger

Fortunately while I’d been suffering at the hands of the latest motley crew, I’d been learning in the process. I took foreign language courses, software classes and brushed up on management training skills (ironic I know.) I took on projects I’d had no prior experience doing and tapped people more knowledgeable than I was to help me.

The moral of today’s story is this – put up with that moron for a little while longer – maybe a lot while longer. But put up with him or her and learn everything there is to learn about your job, your career and your industry while you’re stuck where you are. If possible, learn something totally out of the box. Tell yourself you’re getting more out of this than they are, and milk your current opportunities for all they’re worth. If possible, do it at your company’s expense (taking courses, training etc., not stealing office supplies.)

If you were anything like me, at times you’ll go home feeling defeated. You’ll worry about things you have no control over and you’ll wonder “why am I going through this?!?” Go ahead and feel those feelings. If you’re dealing with a really bad boss, it would be inhuman not to. But, a bad boss can’t kill you – no really, legally he can’t. And so, even though what doesn’t kill you still hurts, it really does make you stronger in the long run. I’m living proof.

If you’re a Women at Forty and would like to submit a post to our Career and Finance section, email us at contribute@womenatforty.com.

Denise is a blogger and freelance writer. She writes for the blog Really Bad Boss. Her writing has been featured in More Magazine, The Huffington Post and The Chicago Sun Times.

On Monday I ran part 1 of my interview with WAF Whirly Girl, Pamela Grossman. At 40 Pamela was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, leaving her in a  self described deep abyss of terror, unable to function “normally” for years. Today she discusses how the disorder led to creating In the Present and how she’s facing her challenges head on…

On “In the Present”

As debilitating as her anxiety disorder was, Pamela knew she’d still have to pay her bills and that she’d have to work from home to do it. She recalls sitting on the floor of her living room thinking, “this is my new future. I’m in the present and I have to make the best of it.”  Calling on her years of production experience and her artistic eye, Pamela created In the Present, a high-end corporate and personal gift business. In addition to gifts, her company also creates business branding and printed materials. Current and former clients include Disney, BMW, The American Cancer Society and Turner Broadcasting. (photo: In the Present’s Rejuvenate)

On her challenges

When I asked Pamela about the biggest challenge she faced launching the business, she said, “breathing.”  For Pam, the challenge wasn’t launching the business – the business part came naturally. The challenge was taking care of herself and managing the disorder. But Pamela recognizes that she’s the only one who has the power to make herself better. She explains, “The feelings will never go away. I’ve got to manage those feelings. I’m the only one who can do it.”

Her advice to other women at forty

“I’ve got a Wizard of Oz theory,” she says, “Put on your ruby slippers, click ‘em and know you have the power to do whatever you need to do.”

Before I let Pamela go, I asked her to take WAF’s 5 questions, 3 words or less challenge. Here’s what she had to say…

1. Most exciting thing you did/plan to do at forty? Got my dog Sydni
2. Biggest regret? Staying too long
3. The thing(s) you’re most proud of?  Sydni – is that wrong?
4. The monkey on your back you can’t shake? Panic disorder
5. Finish this sentence (ok, so technically it’s not a question) – If Three 6 Mafia can win an Oscar, I can… walk a runway

To learn more about Pamela Grossman and In the Present, visit her website www.inthepresent.com.

If you’re a WAF Whirly Girl, or know a woman who is, please send your story to contribute@womenatforty.com and it may be included in a future segment.

How this WAF Whirly Girl launched a successful business, despite being stricken with a debilitating anxiety disorder.

Last week I wrote about being stronger than our fears. I received quite a few emails and comments over on the Facebook page from other women at forty facing their own unique fears. One wrote about going back to school and being anxious about the 20-year -olds in class alongside her. Another wrote about becoming a mom later in life and being mistaken for her child’s grandmother. For most of us these types of fears boil down to mind over matter. Overcoming them involves having less doubt, a little more faith and a dash of “who cares what you think.”  But what if your fears ran deeper – much deeper? What if there was a clinical reason for the fears that haunted you.

If you’re Pamela Grossman you find a way to live through the fear. In fact, you thrive despite of it. That’s exactly what Pamela did when at 40 she was stricken with debilitating panic attacks that seemingly came out of nowhere. Pamela’s the third woman to be featured as a Women at Forty Whirly Girl, and a couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to talk to her at length about the panic disorder that changed her life, her gift business, In the Present, and how she’s living life in her 40′s… (photo: Pamela Grossman)

On how she remembers 40

At 40 Pamela says she suddenly realized “I got it. In fact, I always had it and didn’t have to prove it anymore.” “It” related primarily to work. For 20 years Pamela worked in TV, radio and print production for industry giants like Turner Broadcasting. She’d spent decades trying to prove herself in the workplace and finally at 40 no longer felt the need. But just as that freeing mindset came about, she found herself suddenly stricken with debilitating panic attacks. After visiting doctors, undergoing a litany of tests and being misdiagnosed with everything from heart problems to acid reflux, Pamela was diagnosed with severe panic disorder.

On her panic disorder and digging herself out of the hole

Of the onset of her panic disorder, Pamela describes being in a “deep abyss of terror,” stumped at the fact that the same woman who once produced TV shows with million dollar budgets couldn’t will herself to walk out the front door. As is often the case with life’s biggest challenges , Pamela’s struggle to get a handle on the disorder has inspired her to create a website, Unwrappingpanic.com. The site, scheduled to launch in September, will be a place for sufferers of anxiety disorder to get real information about living with the illness. Eventually, thanks to professional help and support from family and friends, she was able to dig out from under.  And although her “digging out” story spanned over two years, it was during that time that her business, In the Present, was created.

Wednesday: In Living In the Present -  Part 2, Pamela talks about launching her business, her biggest fear, and shares some insight into living life in your 40′s.

Editor’s Note: When Kalin told me she’d met, flown with, and interviewed one of the few female helicopter pilots in the world, I couldn’t wait to read the interview and add it to our new Women at Forty Whirly Girls series. The series highlights women entrepreneurs in their forties who are doing great things on their own terms. It’s fitting then that today’s post features real-life Whirly Girl herself, Angie Griffin...

One of the best ways to see the geography and natural beauty of an island is by taking a helicopter tour. I really enjoyed getting a bird’s eye view of island destinations such as Barbados, Grenada, and The Dominican Republic. I was a bit nervous on my first flight, but since then I’ve never passed up a chance to view an island from the sky. All of my previous flights were with male pilots. But on my most recent tour, I had the honor of flying with Angie Griffin, chief pilot and owner of Dragonfly Copters Tours. She’s one of less than 1,700 female helicopter pilots in the world. (Photo: Angie Griffin)

At age 48, Angie will never forget her 40^th birthday. She remembers leaving for a birthday cruise and two days later the 9/11 terrorist attack occurred. Like many people after that date, Angie started taking stock of her life. But it wasn’t until a few years later that she took lessons to become a helicopter pilot. “Working at the University of Houston, I was really bored. I traveled to Alaska and did some dog sledding and we had to take a helicopter to get there. It was my first time in a helicopter, and right then and there I decided that’s what I wanted to do for a living,” said Angie. That’s when she became a “whirly girl” – the nickname for female helicopter pilots. “I never thought about doing it when I was younger, but looking back I remember I was always doing book reports on Amelia Earhart,” she laughed.

The native Texan moved to Atlanta where she lived for 17 years giving tourists helicopter tours from DeKalb Peachtree Airport to major sites like St. Mountain Park, the Georgia Aquarium, and Lake Lanier. Then she moved again – this time to St. Simons Island, Georgia where she started Dragonfly Copters. Angie says about 50 percent of tourists who take helicopter rides are women. I took a 15-minute tour of St. Simons and Little St. Simons Islands, going up about 500 feet. It was a little windy so the ride got a bit bumpy at times, but Angie is such a great pilot that she kept it in control and I felt comfortable the entire time. From the air I could see all of the lighthouse, beautiful private homes and resorts, and the topography of the two islands, with hundreds of trees and sandy marshes. A highlight was getting close  enough to see an alligator in the marsh.

“You don’t feel brave enough to do these things until you’re in your 40’s. Most information about being in your 40’s is negative, but I came into my own and no longer cared what people thought of me,” Angie said. But what people think is not really a problem for Angie since her customers love her! “Most of my customers have never flown before and I’m giving them their first flight ever. I even had a 93-year old woman fly with me,” Angie exclaims. And though I’ve taken helicopter tours before, Angie’s personality just made it extra special.

Dragonfly Copters offers customized tours like corporate events, PGA aerial tours, aerial photo tours, party rides, and even offers a flight school. If you plan to go, I suggest staying at the King and Prince Beach & Golf Resort. It’s less than a 10-minute drive from the resort to the McKinnon Airport where the helicopter tours start. And for those of you who get motion sickness, I swear by Seaband wrist bands – only $10 at your local drugstore. For more information visit www.dragonflycopters.com, and for more on women helicopter pilots visit www.whirlygirls.org.

Angie even gives back to the community by hosting a “Broaden Your Horizons” day every January, where she gets junior high school girls excited about math and science – something they need to know to become pilots. “I’m also a therapist and I believe I could have gotten the victims of Katrina off their roofs in my helicopter and then given them [trauma] therapy,” she laments. In the future, Angie would like to start a nonprofit to take school supplies via helicopter to children in Mexico.

“I’d tell women to grab 40 by the horns – it’s been the best decade of my life…It frees you to do what you want to do and not apologize.” Amen, sister! I hope Angie’s story has inspired you to go for your dreams in this decade, or at least consider taking a helicopter tour for your 40^th birthday. Who knows, you may even decide to get your pilot’s license. And remember: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.” Mark Twain

Kalin Thomas is Women at Forty’s Travel & Leisure Editor. She is also Senior Writer/Photographer for SoulOfAmerica. Before starting her own multimedia company, Kalin spent 17 years at CNN where she won several awards for her work as producer/correspondent for CNN’s weekly travel program, CNN TravelNow. She is currently writing a book about her travels. For more information on Kalin, visit www.seetheworldproductions.com.

I was curious about Liza’s experiences as a filmmaker and entrepreneur, especially after she responded to a question I’d posted on WAF’s Facebook page about being laid off. Having experienced three lay-offs over the course of my career and trying desperately to “rise from the ashes” I was curious as to how other women handled their suddenly-unemployed status. Liza responded that she’d been laid off twice, but that it “always led to something better.” I wanted to hear more. Here’s some of what Liza and I talked about…

On Beauty In the Eyes of the Beheld and society’s perception of beauty

Liza explains that back in the Philippines her grandmother had been a famous beauty and she grew up hearing stories about how beautiful her grandmother had been in her youth.  In making the film she wanted to explore societal notions of beauty and found that while beauty can get you more – more jobs, more attention – the foundation is often shaky and transient. She found that as women age, the ones who relied the least on their physical beauty were the most secure and happy – they’d learned to rely on “the assets that don’t fade.”  She also found that while women in their 20’s had less of a story to tell, women in their 40’s gave the most interesting interviews, having lived and experienced more. Another fascinating take-away from the whole process was learning that beautiful is a “bell curve with lots of variation.”  Liza wrote about her experiences while working on the film in her own blog post, The Definition of Beauty.

On being fired – twice – and it leading to her doing what she loves

I asked Liza about her response to my lay-off question. She explained that her first firing occurred while working as a graphic designer. She’d been working tons of overtime without getting paid for it and was fed up. When they fired her she saw it as a good thing and began concentrating on her music and studio work. In 1988 she went on tour with Stacy Lattislaw as her keyboarder and later collaborated with artists such as Prince and Trouble Funk. Her music appears on a compilation album, “Octaves Beyond Silence,” which includes works by the Indigo Girls, Ani Difranco and Me’Shell Ndegeocello. Of that time in her life she says, “when you’re pushed off the cliff you’re forced to swim. Your entire life becomes a mid-life crisis.” At 30 Liza tried to “become practical again.” That didn’t last long. She was fired – again – which eventually led to her becoming a music composer for TV and film. She’s worked as a video producer and composer for American Film and Video in Silver Spring, Maryland and assistant editor at Townhouse Post Productions in Washington DC.

On being a woman at 40

At 40, Liza says that despite taking the creative path, she still felt insecure. “My choices weren’t rewarded by society, and my success wasn’t obvious.” But it was at 40, when she’d all but given up on men, that she met the man who would become her husband. Now at 48 she wishes she could be less reliant on her accomplishments to feel happy, but feels confident and realistic about her strengths and weaknesses.

On advice to other women contemplating taking the road less traveled

What advice would she give women at forty? “It’s not comfortable, but it’s worth it.” Choosing to do “it”, whatever your “it” may be might be the greatest challenge of your life, but it’s one worth facing. As for the rejection that’s bound to come with choosing this path, Liza says she isn’t paralyzed by it and quotes one of her favorite books The Artist’s Way – “Once you take the leap, the net appears.” She encourages women to move out of their comfort zone. “Make it part of the plan.” And she recommends, “have a practical plan.”

Special thanks to Liza for taking the time out of her demanding schedule for the interview and for being a personal source of inspiration.

To learn more about Liza and Beauty: In the eyes of the Beheld, visit her website www.beautydocumentary.com and check out her blog here. If you’re a Whirly Girl, or know a Whirly Girl who’d like to be featured in a future post, email your information to contribute@womenatforty.com with “Whirly Girl” in the subject line.