Unfortunately, or fortunately as I now see it, layoffs are nothing new to me. I’ve been handed my walking papers three times in my almost 20 year career. And although that might not seem like a lot, when you’re a dedicated employee who (for the most part) enjoys the work you do, a layoff can feel like a punch in the gut.

The first time I was laid off was while I was working at an adult vocational school. There’d been a curriculum change that made the courses I, and a few other instructors were teaching, obsolete. After they told us about the impending change, they told us that they’d be serving cake and ice cream in the break room to say thanks. Today, although I know they meant well, getting sugary treats with my walking papers still feels a lot like Marie Antoinette saying “let them eat cake!”

My most recent layoff, I’d seen coming for a while. I watched as the company I’d worked for for almost two years devolve into a piping hot pile of mess, and knew change was inevitable. Even though I’d seen it coming, it’s never a great feeling to sit across from someone (less qualified than you no less) and hear them tell you, you’re no longer needed. Still, my almost immediate reaction was to think, “I’m no longer needed here, because I’m needed someplace else – someplace better.” I’m still working on where that is exactly, but my reaction to the uncertainty of a layoff and my future as a result of it, signified a shift in my thinking in response to change.

Since then, I’ve been working really hard on seeing change, all of it, the unexpected, the unplanned, even the unwanted, as an opportunity to step up to meet the me that until now has only existed in the realm of  “if only I could…” It’s the me who isn’t satisfied with just going through the motions, the me who remains faithfully expecting great things to happen despite a reality that hasn’t quite gotten the memo, and the me who feels like she’s on the edge of something wonderful.  Tricia is right. Change, in whatever form it comes, can be an opportunity, one I’m learning to embrace.

Last week we mentioned a few things we could learn from men. Networking – effective networking – should have been on that list. The UK Times article struck a nerve because it spoke so many truths:

• As much as we’d like to think that hard work and good ethics will grant us business success, socializing and relationship building is just as, or even more important than working hard.
• Women are more afraid of people they don’t know saying no, either in person or online, and men don’t worry so much about rejection — they just do it. Who knows how many yesses women have missed out on, all because we feared hearing no.
• Women hear the phrase ‘social network’ and focus on social, men, focus on network.
• Speaking of social networking, twice as many men as women are likely to approach an unknown contact from an online network for business purposes.

To improve our networking skills, experts suggest  that women work harder to knit their social and business lives together. Create separate Facebook accounts for personal and business purposes and reach out to business contacts, both male and female, that you meet through social and other networks.

In one of our favorite business books, The 4 Hour Work Week, Timothy Ferris assigns his readers ‘Comfort Challenges’ – challenges that will move us quickly, and uncomfortably, out of our comfort zones. One challenge requires the reader to approach strangers they find attractive and ask them for their phone number. That’s not something most women would ever do. What if the person says no? And therein lies the problem. When you’re petrified of hearing the word “NO”, you’ll talk yourself out of doing just about anything, including empire building.

What are your thoughts on women and networking? Are we as bad at it as the article suggests? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

Five fabulous finds we think you’ll like…

1. Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but at what cost? For years I’ve been troubled by “blood diamonds” and other precious gems mined at the expense of others’ lives and wellbeing. The company Brilliant Earth believes that luxury goods don’t have to come at great human or environmental cost. The company tracks their gems to ensure that they are mined, cut, and finished in a socially and ethically responsible manner. They also donate 5% of their profits to help communities who have suffered from unethical practices in the jewelry industry. Now that’s jewelry we can live with.

2. Love the good life, but live on a budget? The Frugal Bon Vivant is the perfect site for you. In her own words “The best things in life might not always be free, but they can usually be had at a bargain. The Frugal Bon Vivant serves up deals, coupon & promo codes, how-tos, and tips on enjoying the good life on a budget.” Now who wouldn’t like that?

3. Speaking of budget – Like to eat out, but living on a tight budget? Sign up at Restaurant.com to download certificates for thousands of great restaurants including some of your favorite local spots. Near the end of the month you can often get $25 certificates for as little as $2. Read the fine print carefully though, some restaurants require minimum purchases and the certificates can’t be applied to gratuity or alcohol.

4. In keeping with the budget theme… If you’re trying to get a handle on your finances, check out Mint.com, a free on-line money management software program. Rated “Best budgeting site” by Kiplinger’s Magazine, Mint.com automatically pulls together your bank, credit union and credit card data, and provides accurate views of your financial life, helping you outline your financial goals.

5. Need help reviewing products online and making purchasing decisions? Check out Epinions.com, where you can read reviews on millions of products ranging from computer and electronics to home and garden. Epinions even allows you to compare prices and store ratings.

Got something fab for ‘Five for Friday’? Email your info to contribute@womenatforty.com. We’ll feature it in an upcoming Five for Friday feature.

A couple of months ago, Time magazine did an article about Internet start-up companies and their lean existence.  Time called it Noodleconomics, based on the term Ramen Profitable.  Basically it means making just enough money to pay the bills and survive on a diet of ramen noodles. You know those dried, versatile and very cheap noodles that are a major food group for college students worldwide.  Time was talking about Internet start-ups, but I think the term is applicable to any start-up business.  And as I approach forty, the appeal of a start-up, ramen noodles and all, outweighs the prospect of kowtowing to yet another bad boss any day.

I’ve had more Really Bad Bosses than I care to remember, and the stories I’ve told attest to their supreme badness. After having a string of bosses like that, ramen noodles are starting to look like steak tartar.  I think I’m due for a really good boss.  In fact, I think I’m due to become a really good boss.

As a really good boss, I’d cultivate confidence in my employees, not fear. I’d have the kind of open door policy that the other bosses promised, but never mustered up the courage to follow through with.  And, as a really good boss, I’d respect the opinions of my employees and admit that even I, the best boss in the world, can make mistakes.  Of course, before I can do any of this, I’ve got to get at least one employee, and be able to pay him or her with something other than noodles.  And sure, being a really good boss isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3.  But, what I do know for sure is I won’t refer to my employees by their ethnic group, sex or weight.  I won’t start thinking they’re old when they hit forty. When I have good ideas (of which I’m sure they’ll be plenty), I’ll promote them through logic and reasoning and not by threatening employees with poisoned  Kool-Aid.  And, I won’t conduct random trashcan searches and pantyhose inspections just for the hell of it.  I’ll be much too busy building my empire and cooking up the next batch of ramen noodles to do any of that.

Denise is a marketing consultant and freelance writer. She currently co-blogs for the site Really Bad Boss.

The media is all abuzz with these new statistics, but since I come from a family where at least as far back as two generations ago the women have been going to work everyday, it just didn’t seem all that surprising to me. But, bringing these statistics to light will definitely generate discussions surrounding traditional male/female roles, how we define family in the future, how social class and economics impact these statistics, and even how men and women define themselves.

The Women at Forty Project focuses on a snapshot of women from all over the world, taken in the fortieth year of their lives, and it will be interesting to hear how women in their forties receive this news compared to women in their twenties, thirties and sixties.

What are your thoughts on the newly released findings? Does it matter that women now make up half of the workforce and are surpassing men as primary breadwinners? Should it matter? Share your thoughts in the comment section, on our Facebook Fan page, or tweet your comments to @womenatforty.

PHOTO SOURCE: The Women’s Conference

One of the first examples that comes to mind is in my jewelry studio. As a jewelry designer and artisan, I really do make every effort to have a bit of a plan as I go into the studio…usually a quick sketch or at least some kind of vision in my mind. I would say 75% of the time I end up with something completely different. Mainly because I goofed and ended up melting one of my bezel settings, one whole side of the piece, or cracking a stone, rendering it useless. Rather than scaring the neighbors with violent profanity…I’ve learned to step back and reevaluate the charred remains of the fruits of my labor. In every instance I was able to salvage my work and turn it into something beautiful. A work of art! As a matter of fact, some of my favorites pieces are complete ‘mistakes’.

You have to be able to see what beauty lies behind these so called ‘mistakes’ and realize that something good will always come from them. You just have to be willing to look. And that applies to all areas of life. So…have no fear if you deviate from your plan – it’s not always a bad thing!

Kim’s a friend, a jewelry artisan, fellow blogger, and rounding the corner to forty (though she’s not as close as I am). You can check out Kim’s one of a kind designs at her on-line boutique Lexie Jewel, and her killer sense of humor on her blog.