From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”

maxwell I’ve been journaling since I was about 14. That’s why it was pretty easy for me to go back to those journals and look at all “the lists” I’ve created over the years. You know the list I’m referring to. It’s the list of desirable qualities in a mate, Mr. Right…“The One.”

Looking back over my numerous lists I can’t help but laugh at some of the qualities I thought were essential when I was younger. One particularly embarrassing desire I held was to have a man who could sing and play football. Not necessarily at the professional level (because that would be ridiculous) but I imagine I must have thought that the combination of singing and football would somehow get me out of a major life jam sometime in the future. I even found an entry about my dream man having long eyelashes – because you know, that’s the telltale sign of a good man. Continue reading From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”

The search for the elusive “one”

the list “The Back-up Plan” has been the springboard for a lot of discussion since its release a couple of weeks ago. On the site we’ve talked about making back-up plans when life doesn’t turn out the way we expected, searching for multiple streams of happiness, and choosing single motherhood when the elusive “one” is nowhere to be found – which brings us to today’s topic – the search for the elusive “one.” You know the one – he’s the guy who meets all the criteria on that list you’ve been carrying around since you were 21, revised when you were 27 and then again at 35. I know the list well – I’m on my 3rd revision myself.

So what makes the elusive one so elusive – is it a numbers game? There’s no shortage of statistics that tell us the ratio of single women to men – remember the line from the now infamous Newsweek article – a  ‘40-year-old single woman was “more likely to be killed by a terrorist” than to ever marry (Newsweek later apologized for the ridiculous line.) Are we being unrealistic – do we want Continue reading The search for the elusive “one”

The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it’s given us food for thought…

Side profile of a pregnant woman As I posted yesterday, I finally saw The Back-up Plan, the new movie starring 40 year old Jennifer Lopez as a pet shop owner who resorts to Plan B when neither her husband or kids arrive as she’d planned.  Zoe explains it like this, “I thought I’d be married with kids right now, I’ve adopted a back up plan – you know the just in case what I really want doesn’t happen.” Of course, this being Hollywood, just minutes after implementing her back-up plan (which involves artificial insemination) Zoe literally bumps into Stan (played by Alex-Abs- of-Steel O’Loughlin) and as luck would have it, he’s the one.

It’s a safe bet The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it was chock full of interesting topics just waiting for great women at forty conversations, including:

Continue reading The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it’s given us food for thought…

Relationship 2.0 buzz – On dating, sexiness and motherhood

Friends working together We’ve rounded up a few of the comments from the website and Facebook, and here’s what women at forty are saying, and asking, about dating, sexiness and motherhood…

On dating:

OK, so is there a thin line between just friends and dating line at 40? Did it move from when we were in our 20s or 30s? There is this older guy who I enjoy spending time with – dinner, movies, chatting on the phone, etc. He insists that we’re not dating, but he won’t let 24 hours go by without “checking” in. Before you even ask, yes he’s the only guy that I’m spending time with (other guy friends don’t get 10% face time – mostly chat/email or cell buddies) and he says that he could never handle more than one female friend at a time. So back to what started this – just what crosses the line between just friends and dating?

Continue reading Relationship 2.0 buzz – On dating, sexiness and motherhood

Relationship 2.0 – Love, fear and everything in between

j0422324 Prior to the start of our relationship series we asked the question, “what is your biggest personal fear?” The results are in, and while fear of failure and rejection came in a close second and third respectively, the majority of women responding said ‘being alone’ was their biggest fear. So we thought we’d kick off week two of our relationship series by digging deeper into those results.

We’re assuming here that by being alone, most were talking about being single – as in without husbands, mates or significant others.  And if that’s the case, the question then becomes, if we fear being alone, are we doing everything in our power to make sure that’s not how we end up?

It’s interesting that while many of us fear being alone, finding companionship is one of the areas of our lives where we’re the most passive. In almost every other area of our lives, we intentionally go about getting the things we need and want.

Continue reading Relationship 2.0 – Love, fear and everything in between