It’s a good thing too, because in the first month of the new year, my workload has unexpectedly increased, a couple of unanticipated projects have come my way and…my laptop crashed. Died. Destroyed. Failed. So there go my big plans for January, 2012 …except I hadn’t really made any. For once.

Instead, I’d been making small changes to get rid of bad habits and replace them with good ones. Every single day – not declaring intention, but instead heading in the direction of the place I want to be.  And no, (ok, very few) goals. In his guest post on Zen Habits, Jeff Goins wrote about what to do instead of setting goals…

There is an alternative to setting goals that will bring you closer to the life you want. Focus on a few practices you can enjoy doing on a regular basis. The trick here is consistency. These four helped me:

• Get up early. When the world wakes up, distractions abound. If you are going to focus on creating a new life for yourself, you’ll need to find the time. The best way to do this is to work while others are sleeping. At first, I didn’t like waking up before the sun, but eventually my body adjusted and I began looking forward to the solitude.
• Over-commit. The adage “under-promise and over-deliver” is a farce. It only propagates the status quo. Real difference-makers push boundaries. They test, prod, and poke until something gives. You can do this, too, by saying “yes” to more things than you’re comfortable with. Learn to stretch yourself. You might be surprised by what you’re actually capable of. Your confidence will grow, too.
• Talk to strangers. Relationships are what make the world go round. This is true for your career, personal well-being, and inner life. When you meet new people, you make connections that can lead to all kinds of future breakthroughs. Even when it’s uncomfortable, reach out and introduce yourself to new people. The worst they can say is “no.” Fortunately, many won’t.
• Practice generosity. Give away your time, money, services, and ideas. When you do this, you will get a lot more than you give. People will learn to trust you, and if you really help them, they will tell others about you. This will build your reputation, and you will have more friends than you know what to do with. And as the saying goes, what goes around really does come around.

You can read Jeff Goins’ entire post here. How much closer are you to giving up the life you’ve planned for the life that’s waiting for you? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook page.

Some of the advantages of renting a vacation home include:  more bedrooms and bathrooms, a full kitchen, more economical for parties of 3 or more, more privacy than a hotel, and most have all the comforts of home — and then some.

I recently celebrated my birthday with girlfriends at a St. Simons Island vacation rental and had a great time.  The four-bedroom, 4 ½ -bath home  was yards from the beach; had its own pool; provided four bicycles and an electric car; had a large and well-stocked kitchen with digital appliances, where we had a wonderful time bonding while preparing meals;  had a screened-in back porch and a wraparound front porch with rocking chairs.  The owner even welcomed us with two bottles of wine.  It was fabulous!  I plan to rent that house again, and am now open to renting homes more often.

Here are a few sites that specialize in vacation rentals:

• http://www.vrbo.com/

•  http://www.hodnettcooper.com/

• http://www.homeaway.com/

• http://www.vacationrentals.com/

So as you plan your travels for 2012, consider booking a vacation rental.  You might find it’s the perfect option for a girlfriend getaway, a romantic weekend, or even a family reunion.  It’s also a great way to celebrate turning 40!  And remember:  “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain (Photo: Washington DC Vacation Home Rental)

Kalin Thomas is Women at Forty’s Travel & Leisure Editor. She is also Senior Writer/Photographer for SoulOfAmerica. Before starting her own multimedia company, Kalin spent 17 years at CNN where she won several awards for her work as producer/correspondent for CNN’s weekly travel program, CNN TravelNow. She is currently writing a book about her travels. For more information on Kalin, visit www.seetheworldproductions.com.

Back when kids still played in the street, my sisters, cousins and I spent hours racing down to the end of that dead-end. In my memory, I was fast. Really fast. I would also say I won all the races. And while my memory of my win/loss record is sure to be called into question, (see I’d forgotten about that for more on my awful memory), one thing I do know for sure is that I loved the way I felt when I was running.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t confident enough at the time to transform that love into joining the track team or even taking running up as a hobby.

Fast forward 25 plus years and I still love the feeling of running.

When I imagine doing it.

In my mind.

Because when I’ve actually tried to do it, the feeling I get is not the same as the one I got years ago.

Running down that dead end street as a kid I felt fast, carefree and like I could run like that forever.

Now when I run I feel…my right hip, my left knee and the chafing of my construction grade sports bra against my back. *Sighs*

A younger cousin ran for a while and wrote about the hip pain she felt that led her to give up running. I now understand. And the truth is, no matter how much I want to run, me, on all fours (crying) on the corner of “bless her heart” and “she just wouldn’t listen” is not a good look. And not good to look at.  And hollering at the local hotties while sweating in the fetal position on the sidewalk is no way to meet a man.  Not one with teeth anyway. Trust me.

This is not to say that women runners in their 40s and beyond aren’t tearing it up on the side streets of America. I know they are – the bright light of their fitness glory blinds me each and every time they whiz by me on my WALKS. Kudos to them and those aerodynamic baby pusher things that have them navigating through the streets of Oakhurst like they’re training for decathlons.

As for me, I’ll keep watching the runners enviably from the sidelines. In the meantime I’ve got my walking and I’ve found a new workout muse – Michael Jackson The Experience. Michael Jackson and I have been tearing it up on my Wii.  If enough of you ask I’ll even video a session so you can get a good ab workout from laughing with me while you watch. No, not really.  Image: Not me running – Source:Flickr: Emanuel Leanza “Eleanza”

What’s your fit-at-forty story? Share in the comment section or on our Facebook page.

Editor’s Note: I wrote this early in 2011, a little past the halfway mark of my 40th year. It’s about how differently the 40 I’d planned was turning out to be. I’m 41 now, and a lot of this is still true. Maybe it will serve as a reminder that life isn’t in the planning, it’s in the living.

A funny thing happened on the way through 40 – nothing went the way I planned. Well almost nothing. But considering the previous 20 years, it really shouldn’t have come as a big surprise. One of my favorite quotes is by Joseph Campbell and it’s “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” So you’d think that by now I’d get it, yet I keep designing these elaborate plans only to have them morph into something they were probably supposed to be anyway.

Let’s see, my plan to grow the biggest-bad-ass-est blog to ever hit the blogosphere (and retire at the age of 40.5 from the tremendous rush of advertisers and sponsorships,) morphed into a nice, quiet little blog which gets pretty good notice, decent traffic and most importantly has a following of phenomenal woman (and men) of all ages, from all over the world.

My plan to be fit at 40 was sidelined by a ridiculously unbelievable but very real knee injury, and it’s taken longer to get back to the place I was before I tripped on the way to my printer (it’s funny now, but not so much when I heard my knee pop.)

Let’s see, there was also the plan NOT to go back to work but to make WAF my employer – the WAF being my employer thing worked out exactly as planned, the part about it paying me…not so much. Not yet anyway. But the ideas are still coming, the desire to hear and share stories remains, and hundreds of thousands of women turn 40 everyday – my audience, thankfully, isn’t going anywhere.

I also planned to return to Italy sometime during my 40th year, and while the year’s not over, as of today, the chances of that happening are slim to none. But like women turning 40, Italy isn’t going anywhere, and God willing I’ll get there one day soon.

So the funny thing that happened on my way through 40 is that I realized that sometimes the things we plan evolve while we’re in the middle of them, and we can go with the flow and evolve with them, or we can moan about the things that didn’t happen. I choose to appreciate the 600 plus Facebook followers the site now has and the truly awesome women I’ve met along the way. I‘ve chosen to use the knee injury as an opportunity to focus even more on a healthier lifestyle, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well…and to be more careful when retrieving items from my printer. As for the job, I’m writing and editing and doing things I enjoy doing every day, for a company that’s making a real difference.  I’m slowly learning to move the life I’ve planned over to the side to make room for the life that’s waiting for me.

Update: That Italy trip, it’s happening in 2012 – God willing and the creek don’t rise

the best goal is no goal – Leo Babauta

The idea of having concrete, achievable goals seem to be deeply ingrained in our culture. I know I lived with goals for many years, and in fact a big part of my writings here on Zen Habits are about how to set and achieve goals.

These days, however, I live without goals, for the most part. It’s absolutely liberating, and contrary to what you might have been taught, it absolutely doesn’t mean you stop achieving things.

It means you stop letting yourself be limited by goals.

Consider this common belief: “You’ll never get anywhere unless you know where you’re going.” This seems so common sensical, and yet it’s obviously not true if you stop to think about it. Conduct a simple experiment: go outside and walk in a random direction, and feel free to change directions randomly. After 20 minutes, an hour … you’ll be somewhere! It’s just that you didn’t know you were going to end up there.

And there’s the rub: you have to open your mind to going places you never expected to go. If you live without goals, you’ll explore new territory. You’ll learn some unexpected things. You’ll end up in surprising places. That’s the beauty of this philosophy, but it’s also a difficult transition.

Today, I live mostly without goals. Now and then I start coming up with a goal, but I’m letting them go. Living without goals hasn’t ever been an actual goal of mine … it’s just something I’m learning that I enjoy more, that is incredibly freeing, that works with the lifestyle of following my passion that I’ve developed.

The problem with goals

In the past, I’d set a goal or three for the year, and then sub-goals for each month. Then I’d figure out what action steps to take each week and each day, and try to focus my day on those steps.

Unfortunately, it never, ever works out this neatly. You all know this. You know you need to work on an action step, and you try to keep the end goal in mind to motivate yourself. But this action step might be something you dread, and so you procrastinate. You do other work, or you check email or Facebook, or you goof off.

And so your weekly goals and monthly goals get pushed back or side-tracked, and you get discouraged because you have no discipline. And goals are too hard to achieve. So now what? Well, you review your goals and reset them. You create a new set of sub-goals and action plans. You know where you’re going, because you have goals!

Of course, you don’t actually end up getting there. Sometimes you achieve the goal and then you feel amazing. But most of the time you don’t achieve them and you blame it on yourself.

Here’s the secret: the problem isn’t you, it’s the system! Goals as a system are set up for failure.

Even when you do things exactly right, it’s not ideal. Here’s why: you are extremely limited in your actions. When you don’t feel like doing something, you have to force yourself to do it. Your path is chosen, so you don’t have room to explore new territory. You have to follow the plan, even when you’re passionate about something else.

Some goal systems are more flexible, but nothing is as flexible as having no goals.

How it works

So what does a life without goals look like? In practice, it’s very different than one with goals.

You don’t set a goal for the year, nor for the month, nor for the week or day. You don’t obsess about tracking, or actionable steps. You don’t even need a to-do list, though it doesn’t hurt to write down reminders if you like.

What do you do, then? Lay around on the couch all day, sleeping and watching TV and eating Ho-Hos? No, you simply do. You find something you’re passionate about, and do it. Just because you don’t have goals doesn’t mean you do nothing — you can create, you can produce, you can follow your passion.

And in practice, this is a wonderful thing: you wake up and do what you’re passionate about. For me, that’s usually blogging, but it can be writing a novel or an ebook or my next book or creating a course to help others or connecting with incredible people or spending time with my wife or playing with my kids. There’s no limit, because I’m free.

In the end, I usually end up achieving more than if I had goals, because I’m always doing something I’m excited about. But whether I achieve or not isn’t the point at all: all that matters is that I’m doing what I love, always.

I end up in places that are wonderful, surprising, great. I just didn’t know I would get there when I started.

Quick questions

Question from a reader: Isn’t having no goals a goal?

Quick answer: It can be a goal, or you can learn to do it along the journey, by exploring new methods. I’m always learning new things (like having no goals) without setting out to learn them in the first place.

Another question from a reader: So how do you make a living?

Answer: Passionately! Again, not having goals doesn’t mean you stop doing things. In fact, I do many things, all the time, but I do them because I love doing them.

Tips for living without goals

I am not going to give you a how-to manual for living without goals — that would be absurd. I can’t teach you what to do — you need to find your own path.

But I can share some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it will help you:

• Start small. You don’t need to drastically overhaul your life in order to learn to live without goals. Just go a few hours without predetermined goals or actions. Follow your passion for those hours. Even an hour will do.
• Grow. As you get better at this, start allowing yourself to be free for longer periods — half a day or a whole day or several days. Eventually you’ll feel confident enough to give up on certain goals and just do what you love.
• Not just work. Giving up goals works in any area of your life. Take health and fitness: I used to have specific fitness goals, from losing weight or bodyfat to running a marathon to increasing my squat. Not anymore: now I just do it because I love it, and I have no idea where that will take me. It works brilliantly, because I always enjoy myself.
• Let go of plans. Plans are not really different than goals. They set you on a predetermined path. But it’s incredibly difficult to let go of living with plans, especially if you’re a meticulous planner like I am. So allow yourself to plan, when you feel you need to, but slowly feel free to let go of this habit.
• Don’t worry about mistakes. If you start setting goals, that’s OK. There are no mistakes on this journey — it’s just a learning experience. If you live without goals and end up failing, ask yourself if it’s really a failure. You only fail if you don’t get to where you wanted to go — but if you don’t have a destination in mind, there’s no failure.
• It’s all good. No matter what path you find, no matter where you end up, it’s beautiful. There is no bad path, no bad destination. It’s only different, and different is wonderful. Don’t judge, but experience.

And finally

Always remember: the journey is all. The destination is beside the point.

‘A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.’ ~Lao Tzu

So, will you be setting goals for 2012? Yeah, so will I. Baby steps…

This post was reprinted with permission from Leo Babauta of Zen Habits. You can find the original post, the best goal is no goal, here.

Disclaimer: For the 20 & 30 somethings reading this blog, I am not an accurate reflection of 40. ALL of my 40 year old friends (and several enemies) have smart phones and use them. My father gets and sends text messages. I am a cheap, late adopter determined to beat the ubiquitous “MAN.”

I don’t check emails, FB and Twitter non-stop, although as a blogger, that’s probably a cardinal sin.  I have recently though, made a Kindle purchase, and took a walk on the wild side by getting the 3G version. Which now means I can access emails just about anywhere. And anytime.  So, a couple of months ago when I checked my emails at 11:54pm on a Tuesday night (way past my bedtime) my mouth FELL open when I saw that I’d gotten an email from someone at The Today Show and she was asking me for help.

Long story short, we tried to help, but she’d contacted me on a very tight deadline (hers not mine) and with very specific geographic requirements and alas, as women at 40 in 2011, we all have jobs, families and other obligations that are impossible to change last minute, even if it is for our beloved Today Show. *sighs*

Then a couple of months after that, BBC Radio called me on the horrendous signal I get on my average IQ phone and wanted me on the air for a segment on women in their 40s. In less than an hour. *Pulls hair from head and screams Nancy Kerrigan style, WHYYYY!*  I was at work and had a meeting with the CEO I was obliged to attend. OBLIGED. I’m still getting flack from some folks who think I should have ditched that meeting, but my dreams for this project will pay my bills in the future, that job pays my bills TODAY.

That said, the next media giant that contacts me, I’ll get on a plane, take a personal day, move whatever mountain I need to move to make it happen because I am determined that, for me at least, the third time will be the charm. (Photo: by i_yudai)

What opportunity are you determined not to miss if it comes your way? Share your Third Time Charm in the comment section or on our Facebook page.

New York (Eastern Time)

Celebrate at Ground Zero in New York’s Times Square for a $600 package that includes hotel accommodations, free admission to the Empire State Building Observation Deck , water taxi around the Statue of Liberty,  and shopping discounts at Macy’s and Bloomy’s.

New Orleans (Central Time)

This home of Mardis Gras knows how to party.  So for one of the best locations for French Quarter partying and a rooftop view of the fireworks, stay at the Omni Royal Orleans hotel.  Currently room rates are $299 per night for a New Year’s weekend stay.  For more information on New Orleans New Year’s fun, click here.

Phoenix (Mountain Time)

At the Hyatt Regency, $189 per night let’s you enjoy a New Year’s Eve party with free champagne, and a breakfast buffet the next morning.  And if you’re just getting back to your room at 5am, no worries – you get a 2pm late checkout.

Las Vegas (Pacific Time)

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  So get your party on at the MGM Grand, where you can celebrate New Years on The Strip.  Various packages include a $1400 New Years Wedding Package, Cirque du Soliel at Ka Theatre for $69 to $180, and a dance party at Studio 54 for $150.

And if you wake up with a hangover the next morning, you may wonder  how in the world this outrageous celebration got started.  Check out this site for the history of the holiday, and all things Times Square.  I’d love to hear about your favorite New Year’s Eve destination.  And remember:  “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

Kalin Thomas is Women at Forty’s Travel & Leisure Editor. She is also Senior Writer/Photographer for SoulOfAmerica. Before starting her own multimedia company, Kalin spent 17 years at CNN where she won several awards for her work as producer/correspondent for CNN’s weekly travel program, CNN TravelNow. She is currently writing a book about her travels. For more information on Kalin, visit www.seetheworldproductions.com.

Your “Stop Doing That” list is just what it sounds like – a list of things you’ve made up your mind to stop doing. I’m really good at writing (and then promptly ignoring) my daily/weekly/annual to do lists. And I’ve also started to rethink these lists/goals/plans I make for myself every year only to have something else, sometimes better, sometimes not, happen. But, things I can stop doing? That’s in my control – no outside forces, no unpredictable economy, finances or people. Things I can stop doing is all me.  (Image: Spanish stop sign because sometime the signs we get aren’t always in a language we can understand)

So here’s a list of 3 things I’m going to stop doing in 2012 

1. Watching mindless television. I enjoy watching television. A lot. But there are times when what’s on TV is so bad, even a devout TV fanatic can’t watch. Yet, I won’t turn it off. It’s a time waster and a really bad habit.

2. Lying to myself about the reasons I don’t do some of the things I should do.  I’m not fooling anybody, least of all myself. My knee and my migraine headaches are my go-to excuses for not working out, but if I’m really being honest, a lot of the times I’m not working out because I’m just too lazy. There I said it. I’m not proud of it, and the feelings admitting this generates could spawn a whole series of posts, but it is the truth, and if being honest with myself moves me closer to being the person I am meant to be, then brutal honesty is my mantra in 2012.

3. Hiding, being anti-social. I talk a lot. A lot. I’m quick with a joke and can have a long meaningful conversation with a bag of flour – that’s how much I love to talk. But despite that, on most occasions, I’d choose being at home reading or watching TV over being out in a crowd meeting new people. I’m hiding out. From what or whom, I’m not quite sure.  I’ve spent the better part of the past few years hiding out for whatever reason, and in that time who’s telling how many potential new friends, relationships and opportunities I’ve missed out on. Time to stop hiding.

That’s just 3 of the things I’m prepared to stop doing in 2012 – there’s a bunch more, but later for that. What are you going to stop doing in 2012? Share in the comment section below or on the Facebook page.

In other news, several people who thought that standing in line at 3 in the morning was absolutely ridiculous thought that robbing the people at gunpoint who did stand on line at 3 in the morning was a better plan.  And Walmart, once again takes the prize for Places to Witness the Worst of America.  And not just because sometimes Walmart shoppers wear things like this.

The hysterical materialism of the past few days is enough to make even the cheeriest holiday reveler a bit gloomy. But here are a few things that happened over the holiday weekend that didn’t hit the headlines as hard but should have…

• Gabby Gifford served Thanksgiving dinner to members of the military
• An 11-year-old Washington boy saved his mother’s life from a drunken attacker using a BB Gun
• In its 41st year, Atlanta-based Josea Feed The Hungry set up shop at The Georgia World Congress Center and served Thanksgiving dinner to over 40,000 needy families
• A teenager riding his bike noticed a truck on fire and pulled the unconscious owner from the burning vehicle, saving his life
• Meals on Wheels volunteers across the country prepared, packed and delivered dinners to thousands of needy families

So it appears that despite some people’s best attempts to put a price tag on the holidays, there are many of us who still value the things about the holidays that remain priceless. So maybe it is looking a little like Christmas after all.

• New York – Bergdorf’s, Barney’s, Tiffany’s, and my favorite for “orgasmic” deals, Century 21.  Let’s face it:  New York is the CAPITAL of shopping.   You have to make a pilgrimage at least once!
• Chicago – Michigan Avenue. Sadly historic Marshall Fields – which had a wonderful shopper’s tour — is gone, but there’s still plenty of shopping to be had on Chicago’s “Magnificent Mile”.
• Minneapolis – The 520-store Mall of America.  This place blew me away! It’s like Disney for shoppers!  You can even get married at the mall!
• Los Angeles – Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.   Where the stars shop!  But one of my best shopping finds is It’s a Wrap in Burbank,  a thrift shop that exclusively sells clothes worn by TV and film stars.  The tags even have the name of the celebrity who wore the couture, or the TV show/film where the wardrobe was worn!
• Sunrise, Florida – When I visit Fort Lauderdale I make a stop by the  country’s largest outlet, value retail and entertainment center, Sawgrass Mills.  It’s one of several shopping destinations that plan to open 10pm today and stay open for 24 hours.

If you’re looking for a fun way to get your holiday shopping done, check out Shopping America Tours http://www.shopamericatours.com/ for shopping, dining and cultural tours in 40 U.S. cities.  It makes for a great girlfriend getaway or 40^th birthday trip.  To find out what’s new in shopping tourism, travel to the One Travel Conference in Orlando, January 15-17.

Finally for those of you who plan to go straight from dinner to discounts – check out this site for the latest Black Friday deals. What you save on prices,  I’ll be saving in sleep time! Shop ‘til you drop and tell me about your favorite shopping destinations!

And remember:  “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

Kalin Thomas is Women at Forty’s Travel & Leisure Editor. She is also Senior Writer/Photographer for SoulOfAmerica. Before starting her own multimedia company, Kalin spent 17 years at CNN where she won several awards for her work as producer/correspondent for CNN’s weekly travel program, CNN TravelNow. She is currently writing a book about her travels. For more information on Kalin, visit www.seetheworldproductions.com.