1. To our parents, we will always be children. When you need a shoulder to cry on, that can be a good thing.
2. Most people mean to do well, they really do, but sometimes life gets in the way and they forget about the living.
3. Take your time arriving at a first impression of someone or something – you’ll never have the chance to do it again.
4. Even when the grass really is greener on the other side, it doesn’t mean we’re not where we should be.
5. We’re not as brave as we pretend to be, but we’re stronger than we think.
6. Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.
7. What goes around, really, really, really, comes back around.
8. Even at 40, you can still feel like a kid sometimes, and that’s ok.
9. It’s also ok to grow up.
10. There’s still so much we don’t know.

What has it taken you 40 years to learn? Share your thoughts in the comment section, or on our Facebook Fan page.

20 things you need to know

I wish I could protect you from, and prepare you for all that lies ahead, but I can’t. No one can really. But what I can do is share some things that only I’ll be able to. Some people think the past, present and future are all happening at once, so who knows. I know you won’t understand everything I’m saying, but take notes, you’ll need them.

1. Some of the people in your life will disappoint you, lie to you, hurt you. Some of them are just stupid. Others are just evil. Forgive them all, stupid and evil alike, and move on. Remember what they did and learn from it. Don’t hold what they’ve done to you against anyone else.
2. That thing you want to do with your hair in the eighties. Don’t. You leave dozens of grease spots up and down the east coast because of it, and Chris Rock will mock it mercilessly in a documentary he releases in 2009.
3. Try to get that eating thing under control early – believe me, you’ll be fighting that battle for years. In the meantime, live your life and do the things you want to do, regardless of what the scale says.
4. You’re going to have several really great ideas for businesses. Instead of talking yourself out of it, just do it. You are smarter, stronger and more resilient than you know.
5. You know how they said it would be too difficult to be a successful, black, female journalist? Oprah’s like the richest person on the planet now. Seriously. Don’t listen to them.
6. Learn early to worry less about what people think about you. The truth is, people spend a lot less time thinking about you than you know.
7. Back in college, that cute guy that kinda looked like Tom Hanks liked you. Do NOT look at him like he’s crazy when he wants to work on “the project” at your house. That old dude on the other hand is just a freak. Stay away from him.
8. Those two annoying, screaming things that invaded your “only child” sanctuary will become your best friends and biggest supporters.
9. When people show you who they are, please, please, PLEASE believe them. It will save you years of heartache.
10. Relationships aren’t always easy, but they shouldn’t always be hard. If you spend most of your time wondering if it’s worth it, it’s not.
11. When you go to light that grill in ‘91, take a couple quick steps back. Blonde eyelashes and eyebrows are not a good look on you.
12. Credit cards are not free money. Stop using them to make yourself feel better. In the end you’ll only feel worse and be broke.
13. The stock market crashes on October 19, 1987 and again on September 16, 2008. If you have anymore money in the future than I did, move it!
14. On September 11, 2001 the world changes forever.
15. Do you know who Barack Obama is? You will in 2008.
16. That thing you’re crying your eyes out about at ages 14-16, 18, 23 and 25, in a couple of months you won’t even remember what all the drama was about.
17. He’s not coming back. Don’t wait for him. Don’t wait for that other one either.
18. Do you even know where Italy is? Well, in about 30 years, you spend two weeks there and it’s even more beautiful than you ever imagined. One day you’re going to live there. (If Three 6 Mafia…)
19. All that time you spend waiting for Mr. Right, don’t. Instead, use the time to make sure you’re  not Ms. Wrong.
20. You’ve come a long way baby, and you’ve got a long way to go.

If you could send a message to your past self, what would it be, and what age would you send it to? Send a picture of and a message to your past self, to contribute@womenatforty.com and we’ll feature it on the site.