My cousin accompanied my aunt to a doctor’s appointment. My aunt’s doctor is a man, a fact that completely shocked my five year old cousin. She was shocked to learn that boys can be doctors too. You see her doctor is a woman and a couple of her aunts are nurses. When you think about it, that’s pretty cool.

It’s cool because if you’re a woman who’s over the age of 40 you remember when we were five and women were only allowed to be nurses, teachers, secretaries and housewives. I say allowed because although those professions are as rewarding and honorable as any, in general, girls were steered towards them, regardless of their personal interests, likes, and talents and discouraged from pursuing other professions.  Fast forward to 2011 and the women who are in these professions are there because they choose to be, not because they had no other options.

I contrast the hopefulness I feel when I hear my cousin’s story, with the exhaustion (for lack of a better word) I feel when I hear another story about another wildly successful young female celeb/entertainer who reaches her 18th birthday and equates womanhood with nudity and overt sexuality. Brittney, Christina Aguilera and now Miley Cyrus (none of whom I really follow) all “celebrated” their womanhood by stripping down to almost nothing and dry-humping stripper poles. In all cases I think cages were involved as well as images of bondage. Is that what passes for womanhood in the 21st century?

We’ve left an era where womanhood was defined by one’s ability to keep a spotless house, cook the perfect pot roast and produce 2.5 children, and entered one where womanhood is defined by one’s ability to undress. There’s got to be a happy medium in there somewhere. Now if we could only define where that is…

We see it the cliquey group of friends who brag about who they’re wearing and what they’re driving in the never ending effort to best their own circle of friends. It’s evident in discussions about relationships that sound like they’re being had by naive 16 year olds, not 40 year olds who’ve been around the block a few times. And it’s hinted at in conversations that center around who likes who and who’s not our friend anymore (insert pouted lip visual here.) Life, relationships and our own insecurities are difficult to navigate for sure, but at some point, it really is ok to grow up.

The idea of it being ok to grow up came up several weeks ago with the start of awards season. It was a comment made on a friend’s Facebook wall in response to Jennifer Lopez’s appearance at some awards show. The comment was something to the effect of “J, it’s ok to grow up,” no doubt in response to a barely there outfit and song lyrics that had many of us scratching our heads. And we were a little taken aback when even our beloved Halle Berry, who if any 40 year old body can do it successfully, she can, appeared on the Tonight Show, looking beautiful as usual, but in something that looked more like a mini-dominatrix outfit than a dress. She apparently was attempting to dispel pregnancy rumors. We believe you Halle.

We’re all for working it at 40. There’s something to be said about a woman confident enough to show her curves and strut her stuff on stage and otherwise. But at what age does it become ok to put our intelligence, wisdom and charm on display more than your …other assets? In a society where sex sells, at 40 aren’t we old enough to stop buying?

When we watch performers (male and female alike) desperately “copying” youthful trends, lyrics and clothing of today’s younger artists, we want to scream “You’ve been there, done that and did your thing in the process! The younger ones should be emulating you, you shouldn’t be clambering after them!” Alas, with a few exceptions, we don’t think they hear us.

Are we being too hard on them? What’s your take on growing up? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan Page.

• an eyebrow lift
• breast implants to increase her previously implanted size from a C cup to a DDD – she said she’d actually wanted H cups but that it wasn’t possible
• liposuction on waist and thighs
• ears pinned back
• buttocks augmentation
• neck liposuction

I KNOW! Who does that in one procedure? Who does that in one procedure and is only 23 old?? And, what licensed plastic surgeon who cares about the emotional and physical well-being of his patient performs these procedures on a 23 year old?!?!  A look at the after pictures has us imagining a real life Jessica Rabbit and wondering if the cartoon portrayal of a woman is the look Heidi was going for. It’s also reported that she plans on having more surgery in the future. At that rate, she’s dangerously close to becoming her generation’s version of the catwoman, Jocelyn Wildenstein.

The scariest part of all of this is that it’s becoming more common. No, not 10 surgeries in one day – yet – , but statistics from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery claim that plastic-surgery procedures performed on those 18 and younger have nearly doubled over the past 10 years and as much as 14% of all Botox injections given are done on women age 19-34.  And if Heidi is right when she says, “I think it’s a very interesting time for girls, in that what we all grew up believing—that you have to play the hand you’re dealt—is no longer true,” then moms, we’re going to have our work cut out for us as we try to raise our daughters to value and love themselves just as they were created.

Photo source: Newsweek

Why I Love Queen Latifah
by Margaret Barney

This woman is amazing.

I *love* Queen Latifah. She’s intelligent, funny, incredibly talented. I see her on talk shows, and I just adore her–I want to *know* her because I get the sense that she’s just got so much love and goodwill emanating from her…and that she shares that with the people around her.
So, she was on Ellen the other morning. (I am also a huge fan of Ellen, for pretty much the same basic reasons.) And she’s talking about this being the year that she’s turning the big Four-Oh. Ellen asked her what she thought of it, and I was so thrilled to hear her say that she’s not all worked up about turning forty. That she’s sort of looking forward to it, and that she feels good about it.

I actually think that I really *love* that woman. Because her attitude about getting a bit older is right on! I guess it doesn’t hurt that I happen to be feeling the same way. But I’m thrilled to see my contemporary say loudly and proudly that, “Hell Yeah! I *am* getting older!” Older, better, growing and learning. My concerns, my quiet little “frettable” thoughts (I made that word up–’frettable’–meaning something over which I will likely fret) are shifting. I worry less about appearances, more about substance. I feel as if I’ve only just begun (yeah, I know you hear the strains of The Carpenters when you read that!) and that there is opportunity awaiting me–mine for the taking.

Turns out…Queen Latifah’s birthday is the day before mine. She is exactly one day older than me (and shares the birthday with one of my older sisters). I always thought of her as younger than me, not that it mattered all that much to me, but I somehow was a little bit thrilled at how close in age we really are.
I’m kind of excited about turning 40. And admittedly, I’m also doing a bit of reflection–there’s quite a few more wrinkles than when I got married 10 years ago. Definitely more grey hair. I’ve not taken to covering those greys, either, and boy are they prolific! My feeling is, “Damn it! I earned those!” They’re my badge of survival. Not just survival…success!

And I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I’ve soldiered through some serious challenges in my time on this planet. And with Forty on the horizon, I decided to spend a bit more time focusing on my own health

and well-being. Since August, I’ve been exercising 4 or 5 days a week. You’d be surprised at how much better your outlook on the world is, when you get the endorphins pumping on a regular basis. I sleep more soundly, and feel more rested when I get up. I feel optimistic as a general rule, not as if some gloomy cloud is following me around. And, I found that in focusing on exercise as an activity unto itself–something that simply makes my head feel good–the rest just followed.

I have lost weight…about 25 pounds. I feel so much healthier, just climbing the stairs! And, speaking of climbing, my ass is climbing back up the back of my thighs and looking perkier–my legs are getting firmer & stronger, and those weren’t even my goals. As I said, the goal was to tend to my head (specifically, endorphins!)   I have some serious bicep and ab action going on as well. What happened? I’m not sure…all I know is that I finally stopped focusing on the external…and focused on the real me. The me inside. For better or worse, I’m me–so why not make sure it’s a ‘better’ version?

So here’s to my fellow Piscean, Queen Latifah…and all you wonderful ladies out there who embrace the you that you are, or are working toward that end…and a special ‘cheers’ to those of you turning 40 this year. They say 40 is the new 20…I say, 40, 20, 60–doesn’t matter, as long as you’re good with where you are!

Margaret Barney is a writer and blogger who only just recently began to feel as if she’s coming into her own, and is turning forty this year.   She lives with her husband and kids in New England.  You can read more at her blog, Just Margaret.

Geena Davis & Reza Jarrahy

Geena Davis’ dog bit Reza Jarrahy on the butt and the rest is history. She’s 15 years older and this is her fourth marriage.

Source: Live Journal

Carey & Cannon

Eyebrows were raised (those who could muster up enough energy or concern to lift them) when Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon married just a few months after meeting. In light of some of the other age differences, 11 years actually seems like not much of a big deal, especially when you consider that 1) Carey takes mutton dressed like lamb to a whole new level and 2) Canon says that when they first met, they instantly connected because “we are both eternally 12 years old.” That’s great unless someone decides to grows up.

Source: MTV

Kim Cattral & Allan Wyse

The 51 year old Sex in the City’s star found herself a 28 year old Canadian chef and the two were together for a while. Is it me or does he kind of look like one of the Elves from Lord of the Rings?

Source: Live Journal

Patrick Dempsey & Rochelle Parker

Here’s a blast from the past. Before he was McDreamy he was a nerdy kid playing nerdy, loveable high school kids in a string of 80’s hits. So loveable in fact that his manager at the time, Rochelle Parker, fell for and married the 21 year old. She was 47 years old and Dempsey was also her son’s best friend. Hmmm… The couple eventually divorced and Dempsey remarried.

Source: Grey’s Anatomy Insider

Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher

No May-December couple list would be complete without the couple that some argue, made cougars a hot trend. By all accounts and via constant Twitter updates, attention hound Kutcher and wife Moore seem to be happy.  When they married in 2005, she was 42 and he 27. This is Moore’s third marriage.

Source: About.com

Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins

Long before cougars, Moore & Kutcher, and stupid reality shows exploiting the trend, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were an item. In fact, they’ve been together since 1988. And while their 12 year age difference don’t raise as many eyebrows in 2009 as it did 20 years ago, the fact that they’re still together says a lot.

I can’t help but notice how attractive and physically fit these women are. I also can’t help comparing them to their male counterparts from yesterday. It’s not like I’ve discovered the holy grail here. We all know that in our society women are coveted for their beauty and men for their power. When a man finds a woman with beauty and power, he snatches her up. Women however, well, let’s just say beauty isn’t as important (Donald Trump anyone.) It’s a double standard, but it’s one that we’re used to.

What are your thoughts on May-December romances? Have you ever been in one, or are you in one now? Would you do it again? Share your thoughts in our comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

The Internet is also forty this year. Who knew it’d been around for this long? Well the geeks knew. And for the record, that’s why they now control the world.

A number of celebrities have turned or will be turning forty this year. It’s funny when you read some of the names. You find yourself saying things like “I didn’t know she was that old?” Or, “I remember when he was just a kid!” And then you remember you’re the same age.

Here’s a short list of “celebrities” (male and female) turning forty this year. Read a more exhaustive list here.

• Renee Zellweger
• Cate Blanchett
• Jason Priestly (OMG, remember Brandon on 90210 – the real 90210? – not the child’s play version they’ve got today)
• Tonya Harding – Remember her? She bashed the hell out of Nancy what’s her face’s knee
• Jay Z – Or Joe Camel as he’s affectionately known around these parts
• Mariah Carey
• Jesse L. Martin
• Jennifer Aniston

The article cites single celebs like Janet Jackson, Jennifer Aniston and Lucy Liu as paving the way for single women everywhere. Really? Is that because they’re doing such a bang-up job of being single themselves?  Even Jen-An admitted that dating sometimes “sucks.”

So why all the rush to be 25 again? I wouldn’t want to be 25 again if you paid me. Well…maybe if you paid me. But would you…want to be 25 again, not pay me…if you could?