The search for the elusive “one”

the list “The Back-up Plan” has been the springboard for a lot of discussion since its release a couple of weeks ago. On the site we’ve talked about making back-up plans when life doesn’t turn out the way we expected, searching for multiple streams of happiness, and choosing single motherhood when the elusive “one” is nowhere to be found – which brings us to today’s topic – the search for the elusive “one.” You know the one – he’s the guy who meets all the criteria on that list you’ve been carrying around since you were 21, revised when you were 27 and then again at 35. I know the list well – I’m on my 3rd revision myself.

So what makes the elusive one so elusive – is it a numbers game? There’s no shortage of statistics that tell us the ratio of single women to men – remember the line from the now infamous Newsweek article – a  ‘40-year-old single woman was “more likely to be killed by a terrorist” than to ever marry (Newsweek later apologized for the ridiculous line.) Are we being unrealistic – do we want Continue reading The search for the elusive “one”

A new take on the old back-up plan

the_back_up_plan_still Last week I saw The Back-up Plan, the movie about an almost 40 year old pet shop owner named Zoe (played by the actually 40 Jennifer Lopez) who after years of searching for “the elusive one” finds herself single, childless and wanting badly to be neither.  According to Zoe’s plan A, by this age she was supposed to be happily “married with kids.”  But as the years rolled by with “hundreds of dates,” but no Mr. Right, Zoe decides it’s time to pull out the back up plan – you know, the plan you unfurl when “what you really want doesn’t happen.”  Throughout this week, we’ll touch on many of the topics in the movie (single moms, penis partners – their words not mine – biological clocks…) but today’s post is about looking at back-up plans through new eyes. (Image: CBS Films) Continue reading A new take on the old back-up plan

Beyond the ‘Cougar’ label: Confessions of a non-cougar

cougar There are several popular definitions for the word cougar. The feline mammal not withstanding, these days a cougar is described as a woman 35 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. Another, harsher definition, is one of an older woman who frequents clubs in order to score (their word, not ours) with a much younger man.  Sounds pretty predatory doesn’t it? Well, there are many women who happen to be in relationships with younger men who take issue with the term.

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of interviewing Jo. Jo lives in England and is a woman in her late 30’s married to a younger man, and she does NOT want to be labeled a cougar. Throughout her life Jo had always been drawn to younger men, and in 2005 she met a man – 10 years her junior – and within a year, they were married.  Here’s what she has to say about marriage, marriage to a younger man, and why she hates the term ‘Cougar’. Continue reading Beyond the ‘Cougar’ label: Confessions of a non-cougar

“I’ll be 40 soon and never been in a relationship”: A reader’s story

depressed Editor’s Note: Thus begins one of the most heartfelt comments we’ve ever received on the site. It was made in response to our Relationship 2.0: Love, fear and everything in between post, and it struck a chord with us as I’m sure it will with you. The reader, who signed the comment “Too ashamed to give a name” has been unlucky in love and is now at the point of giving up. Her self esteem is low and rather than looking forward to turning 40, she’s dreading the fine lines and grey hairs that she feels will make her unattractive. I asked her permission to run her comment as a feature story in the hopes that other women who’ve been in her shoes and have felt some of the things she’s feeling can provide some words of wisdom that can help her begin to see herself, turning 40 and relationships in a whole new light…

Continue reading “I’ll be 40 soon and never been in a relationship”: A reader’s story

Relationship 2.0 buzz – On dating, sexiness and motherhood

Friends working together We’ve rounded up a few of the comments from the website and Facebook, and here’s what women at forty are saying, and asking, about dating, sexiness and motherhood…

On dating:

OK, so is there a thin line between just friends and dating line at 40? Did it move from when we were in our 20s or 30s? There is this older guy who I enjoy spending time with – dinner, movies, chatting on the phone, etc. He insists that we’re not dating, but he won’t let 24 hours go by without “checking” in. Before you even ask, yes he’s the only guy that I’m spending time with (other guy friends don’t get 10% face time – mostly chat/email or cell buddies) and he says that he could never handle more than one female friend at a time. So back to what started this – just what crosses the line between just friends and dating?

Continue reading Relationship 2.0 buzz – On dating, sexiness and motherhood