Turns out Chris is in the process of submitting proposals to publishers for a new book project he and a partner, Julien Smith, are working on. Chris is already the New York Times bestselling author of Trust Agents, so pitching a new book should be a piece of cake, right? Wrong. Here’s what Chris had to say about the process thus far:

We’re shopping it around to some publishers, and what we’re hearing back, I’ve gotta be honest, isn’t really encouraging. In fact, most people are saying that they don’t see what we’re getting at, and that they don’t understand why it’s not a clear jump from Trust Agents into what they want to have as Trust Agents 2.

I’m also in the process of trying to secure an agent for a book project I’ve been working on. I’m very early on but have had just enough feedback to believe that I may be on to something. Now, being “on to something” is a far off from getting a book deal, but I know the project I have in mind, and I believe I can find at least one agent who’ll share my vision.

What especially peaked my interest while reading Brogan’s post was that he and his partner are clear about not wanting to write a Trust Agents 2. He goes on to explain that if the publishers aren’t getting the clear message that he’s not trying to write Trust Agents 2 then his proposal might need some tweaking. But maybe not…

With that vision, with that understanding that we’re working on the right thing, comes a clear sense that no matter what we’re getting for feedback, we know that we’re on the right path, and just have to adjust and improve. Meaning, we HEAR the feedback, but WE are deciding whether or not they see what we see to begin with.  Put another way: if you’re trying to make an omelet, and someone comes along and tells you that you’re not making a frittata right, who’s wrong?

I think that’s a really great point to make. Everyone should be open to advice, to feedback, to making changes. But if you know that you want to make an omelet, don’t let anyone convince you to make a frittata instead, even if it’s the best frittata in the history of frittatas.

This sound piece of advice applies to so much more than writing books and book proposals. Whether your calling is entrepreneurship, the corporate world, teaching, stay-at-home mom or fill-in-the-blank, if it’s your calling, listen to advice, adjust your plans accordingly, but don’t let anyone (not even yourself) convince you that you should try your hand at frittata making as a career. You might end up making the world’s best frittata that no one, including you, is going to want to eat.

Editor’s Note: I’m usually the “everything that’s supposed to happen does” person but lately I’ve been dealing with a little of the “if onlys” – If only I had more money, if only things had gone this way instead of that, if only I’d have had this or done that by the time I turned 40. If only things were different. Apparently I’m not the only one who finds herself in the occasional “if only” rut. In today’s post Esther Kane shares her thoughts on a different concept of happiness and being content with who and where you are in life.

Wherever I go, There I am

Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of stories from clients about how unhappy they are in their present circumstances, and if only they could have more money, land a better job, move somewhere more exciting, find the right partner,__________(fill in the blank), life would be oh-so-much-better. I am really good at this form of wishful thinking myself. Anytime I find myself bored, lacking enthusiasm, or lonely, I come up with some exciting life-makeover plan that will surely cure all of my ills (or so I’m convinced). (Photo: Flickr:Shayan)

As of late, it’s been dividing my time between a small town and a city. I have somehow deluded myself (and perhaps my husband?) that I would be a much happier, healthier, more vibrant version of my present self if I lived in two places. I can spend countless hours checking out real estate in more exotic, exciting places and daydream and scheme about all of the fabulous opportunities that would magically open up to me if I were to immerse myself in big city living once more.

The funny part however, is that I spent more than thirty years in Canada’s biggest cities, and was perhaps even more miserable than I am now. Okay, I am being a bit dramatic. I am not miserable now- just always looking for something bigger, better, and more exciting than what is right here in front of my nose. The only comfort I get is when I see clients every day who seem to suffer from this same form of self-induced malaise. From what I see, hear, and read, I would say it’s a social epidemic- perhaps even a luxury for those of us who have the time to sit and pontificate on the question of whether we’re “happy” or not. I’m wondering if it’s a generational thing that started with the Baby Boomers in the 1960’s. That’s when my parents came of age and when self-realization and the pursuit of happiness became the new religion.

I mean, how many of our grandparents worried constantly if they were “happy” or “fulfilled”? I know mine were too busy escaping the Nazis and Anti-Semitism to focus on such concepts. They were simply SURVIVING. And thank goodness they did, otherwise I wouldn’t be here writing this in the first place.

And it’s not just our grandparents who didn’t have that luxury of self-reflection. There are millions of people all over the world who are just fighting to stay alive and don’t know if they will have clean water, food, or a roof over their heads every day. And yet, from all of the film footage I’ve seen, it seems to me, that at the end of the day, these folks seem happier than most of us who ‘have it all’ materially. I don’t mean to generalize because I have no idea how happy these people are, but what seems to be true is that they have a very different concept of “happiness” than we do.

My experience of North Americans is that with all of our technological advances, wealth, and relative safety, we are one lonely mass of people. In fact, there was a book recently written about this that a lot of my clients are talking about. I think that it is often loneliness and a sense of being disconnected from others that leads us in search of a “geographical cure”. We reason that we’re lonely/disconnected/lacking a life of meaning because we live in a cold, urban, money-grubbing city. Or the opposite-we’d have more connection/meaning if we got out of this small town and immersed ourselves in big city life.

But one thing I’ve learned in my 38 (almost 39!) years, is that wherever we go, we take ourselves with us. In other words, if you are a doom and gloom thinker, you’re going to take that attitude with you wherever you move and will probably have a similar life experience as the one you left behind. Why? Because you may have changed the scenery, but the inner landscape of your mind has remained the same.

I always find it amusing when I hear someone say that they have to go off to some far away place to “find myself”. My automatic thought is, “Just look in the mirror- you’re right there!” That’s why I feel that therapy is so important in today’s world- we can change a lot of the stuff on the outside, but it’s of very little use unless we change what’s in the inside (our minds). So go take a looksie in the mirror and smile at what you see; you’re the only you there is- like it or not. And maybe with a bit of an attitude adjustment, things will look even better…

Esther Kane, MSW, RCC relocated to the Comox Valley over two years ago from Vancouver. She is in full-time private practise as a psychotherapist in Courtenay. Esther has over a decade of experience counseling women and their loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems. Her main focus is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck so that they can become all that they dream of being. You can learn more about Esther on her website www.estherkane.com.

This article was originally posted on www.estherkane.com. It is reposted with the author’s permission.

20 things you need to know

I wish I could protect you from, and prepare you for all that lies ahead, but I can’t. No one can really. But what I can do is share some things that only I’ll be able to. Some people think the past, present and future are all happening at once, so who knows. I know you won’t understand everything I’m saying, but take notes, you’ll need them.

1. Some of the people in your life will disappoint you, lie to you, hurt you. Some of them are just stupid. Others are just evil. Forgive them all, stupid and evil alike, and move on. Remember what they did and learn from it. Don’t hold what they’ve done to you against anyone else.
2. That thing you want to do with your hair in the eighties. Don’t. You leave dozens of grease spots up and down the east coast because of it, and Chris Rock will mock it mercilessly in a documentary he releases in 2009.
3. Try to get that eating thing under control early – believe me, you’ll be fighting that battle for years. In the meantime, live your life and do the things you want to do, regardless of what the scale says.
4. You’re going to have several really great ideas for businesses. Instead of talking yourself out of it, just do it. You are smarter, stronger and more resilient than you know.
5. You know how they said it would be too difficult to be a successful, black, female journalist? Oprah’s like the richest person on the planet now. Seriously. Don’t listen to them.
6. Learn early to worry less about what people think about you. The truth is, people spend a lot less time thinking about you than you know.
7. Back in college, that cute guy that kinda looked like Tom Hanks liked you. Do NOT look at him like he’s crazy when he wants to work on “the project” at your house. That old dude on the other hand is just a freak. Stay away from him.
8. Those two annoying, screaming things that invaded your “only child” sanctuary will become your best friends and biggest supporters.
9. When people show you who they are, please, please, PLEASE believe them. It will save you years of heartache.
10. Relationships aren’t always easy, but they shouldn’t always be hard. If you spend most of your time wondering if it’s worth it, it’s not.
11. When you go to light that grill in ‘91, take a couple quick steps back. Blonde eyelashes and eyebrows are not a good look on you.
12. Credit cards are not free money. Stop using them to make yourself feel better. In the end you’ll only feel worse and be broke.
13. The stock market crashes on October 19, 1987 and again on September 16, 2008. If you have anymore money in the future than I did, move it!
14. On September 11, 2001 the world changes forever.
15. Do you know who Barack Obama is? You will in 2008.
16. That thing you’re crying your eyes out about at ages 14-16, 18, 23 and 25, in a couple of months you won’t even remember what all the drama was about.
17. He’s not coming back. Don’t wait for him. Don’t wait for that other one either.
18. Do you even know where Italy is? Well, in about 30 years, you spend two weeks there and it’s even more beautiful than you ever imagined. One day you’re going to live there. (If Three 6 Mafia…)
19. All that time you spend waiting for Mr. Right, don’t. Instead, use the time to make sure you’re  not Ms. Wrong.
20. You’ve come a long way baby, and you’ve got a long way to go.

If you could send a message to your past self, what would it be, and what age would you send it to? Send a picture of and a message to your past self, to contribute@womenatforty.com and we’ll feature it on the site.

Kalin Thomas is a television producer and writer who’s currently working on her first book. In her first guest post for Women at Forty, Kalin talks about an epiphany she had, on her fortieth birthday…

I started preparing for my 40th birthday 6 months in advance. I knew I was going to have a huge party and look fabulous — and I did!  However, looking fabulous is not the same as feeling fabulous.  Earlier that year I had been laid off of my TV job after 17 years, and at the same time a lot of the problems in my marriage were coming to a head (after being together 17 years and married for almost 9).  It’s amazing how being at home everyday can pull you out of marriage denial and force you to take action.  At 40 I not only expected to be further along in my career, but well on my way to my 10th wedding anniversary. I also didn’t expect the horrors of 9/11 to happen a few months before my 40th birthday.  That event brought many families and spouses closer together — sadly that didn’t happen for us.  But it did cause me to do a lot of soul searching.

Still,  I was “40 and Fabulous!”  — at least that’s what it said on my birthday cake — and I looked good, if I do say so myself.  My party was wonderful, but as I was enjoying the festivities something hit me.  It was like the epiphany that Oprah talks about.  I was having a good time, and I realized I didn’t want to be unhappy in the 2nd half of my life.  It was at that moment that I decided to get a divorce. Divorce isn’t an easy decision to come to – especially when there’s still love there, and both spouse’s parents have been married more than 40 years.  But it wasn’t the first time I’d thought about it, just the first time I’d made a decision.  And once I’d made that choice in my head, it felt like a huge weight lifted from my chest and I was able to really party the rest of the night.  I felt free and more like myself than I had in years. It’s true that at 40 you no longer put up with bull, and you learn to not just make others happy, but to make yourself happy.  So all in all, 40 was a good year!

Kalin Thomas is a television producer and reporter who’s currently working on her first book. The former CNN travel reporter and correspondent is also the owner and creator of See The World Productions, which provides a variety of travel related TV/Video Production and media services to clients.

What epiphany did you have at forty? Share it in the comment section, with our Women at Forty fans on Facebook, or tweet your epiphany to us @womenatforty.

Getting close…almost there, the golden age of 40.  I’m a single, divorced mom of two boys, and a daughter recently “adopted”, a former student from the high school where I teach.  At the moment, I’m consumed by the notion of transition, making decisions, planning for the life I promised myself I’d have at 40…

Somehow, on my 39th birthday this past July, a clock started ticking.  I remembered that I had stated some years ago that if I didn’t have my life together by the time I was 40, I would find the nearest bridge…  I see 40 as a magic age, when all the mistakes of adulthood thus far have been reckoned with, corrected, accepted, dealt with.  But here I am, less than a year away, and life is a muddy puddle of problems, fears, broken relationships.

So I started a mission… preparing a plan to be where I promised myself I had to be by next July.  I began by making a major decision, one that entails difficult disentanglements.  I will, I must, I know, move out of the state.  I don’t belong where I am now, had never intended to be here as long as I have.  Next, as a necessity to step one, I had to think about my “career”.  I’m in my ninth year as a teacher, though not in one arena.  I’ve failed so far to make a career of it, instead stockpiling a host of negative experiences that I’ve determined to use as a springboard for personal growth, finally taking responsibility for the part I’ve played in my backward motion from college instructor to high school English teacher, which has meant, among other things, a formidable loss of salary.  Then too, there has been much more to gain from those experiences; I’ve learned a lot from them, given much of myself to children in need, and have gotten back so much more than I gave.  My daughter, for example, not born to me, but chosen from the swell of troubled lives I minister to in whatever little way I’m able every day.

Of necessity then, I’m considering new possibilities.  I’ve researched a new career in book publishing, and found this possibility a good match, one that excites and energizes me.  Career changes are tricky business, so I’ve considered advancing in my already established career, which has meant deciding to finally finish my master’s thesis, which could take me “backward” again to teaching in a community college setting.  I know that for all my writing prowess, business language escapes me, and I am incapable of writing and formatting a decent cover letter and resume.  Forget about the CV.  More research…I have to hire someone to do this for me…

There is more, of course.  The REALLY difficult stuff of disentangling broken relationships, deciding which are irreparable, which are worth a little or a lot of working on, which to maintain.  Sadly, of the irreparable is my relationship with my mother.  Difficult to disconnect, and painful to boot.  But necessary.  There’s only one to work on, and that one will require deep soul-searching, steeling myself for the possibility that there will be an end point to the work, at which time I’ll suffer another disconnect.  Yet, happily, most fall into the maintenance category, and these are very many.  Moving out of the state, too, will mean reconnecting with a very many good, sustaining friendships.

Still more.  A health issue that has troubled me all my life, and has been particularly difficult to overcome in the past ten years: depression.  I can’t navigate this one at all, it seems, and it has, of course, been the source of terrible dysfunction and difficulty.  How to figure out how to keep that one from standing in my way?

I hope that I’m not overwhelming myself.  I’m rushing headlong, every day, to a state of being I promised myself a lifetime ago…  Forty is coming.  I hope to meet it with a clear head and a keen eye, self-aware and self-sustained.  I know there is no panacea.  I know that every experience lives in the heart, under the skin, becomes flesh and bone.  I hope, above all, that these will be a platform of strength, of growth, of opportunity.

You can follow Tricia on her new blog, The Current