1. This lesson was  WAF’s Facebook‘Thought of the day’ earlier in the week, and although it might sound harsh, it’s true – Hope is not a strategy. Hope is great, necessary, can help us get out of bed on a Monday morning and motivate us to make it through the day, but hope is not a strategy. A strategy is a systematic plan of action. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. So if strategy is the cake, hope is the decorative rose on top – everybody loves the candy rose, but the cake is the main thing.

2. Advice can come from anywhere – and at any time. Lisa Price shared the story from the first year she was in business. Her husband was delivering product to customers on roller blades and they were still selling product out of their home. She was buying some products from a woman who told her that if she was ever asked to speak to students, she should just say yes. At the time a speaking engagement was something that was not only unfathomable, but terrifying. Two years later she was asked to address a group of students at university, and she remembered that woman’s advice and though petrified, said yes. Fast forward to today and several speaking engagements later and despite the current economy, Lisa recently broke a Home Shopping Network record by selling more than $2 million of product in six hours when she debuted Mary J. Blige’s first fragrance.

3. Don’t let your haters stop you from doing what you came here to do. Bestselling author Emily Giffin talked about quitting her job as a lawyer and deciding to move to England to work on her first novel. She recalled being on an elevator with one of the partners who had given her hell while she worked at the firm. He made a snide comment about hearing that she was leaving to “write a book” and scoffed. Emily talked about during the process of writing her book remembering his comment and thinking, “if this doesn’t work, I’ll have to go back there and he’ll know I failed.” Five bestsellers and a feature movie in the works later and it’s pretty obvious she did exactly what she was supposed to.

4. A million dollar idea in $10 shoes – I don’t like networking. Despite my sometimes incessant talking and alleged big mouth, I am a bit of an introvert, choosing to stay home with a good book over a networking event any day. But networking is a necessity so I’m working on getting better at it, but because I tend to hang back and watch people, I learn a lot of these types of events. I watch how people interact and notice the types of people other people gravitate to. One of the things I’ve learned is this – a lot of people will step over a million dollar idea because it’s wearing $10 shoes. Great ideas don’t always come in the shiniest packages or the “best” wrapping. Remember the old saying, don’t judge a book by it’s cover? It’s still true today. The next time you’re at an event, listen to the softest voice in the room, many times she’s the person with the most to say.

5. Do you – It’s become so trite now, it’s almost embarrassing to repeat, but it’s trite because it’s true. No one can or will do you better.  Doubt, discouragement, frustration is magnified when we try to be someone we aren’t. If you find yourself acting, speaking, thinking in a manner that contradicts who you feel you are at your core, stop. If it’s not you, you won’t be able to keep the act up for long and it will show. You might be a small mom and pop out of your garage, or you might be a million dollar enterprise destined for the Home Shopping Network – find your happy and live there.

Read more about Pink’s Empowerment event and its panelists here.

If you’ve got a Five for Friday you’d like to share, email me at contribute(@)womenatforty.com, and it could be featured in a future post!

On Monday I ran part 1 of my interview with WAF Whirly Girl, Pamela Grossman. At 40 Pamela was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, leaving her in a  self described deep abyss of terror, unable to function “normally” for years. Today she discusses how the disorder led to creating In the Present and how she’s facing her challenges head on…

On “In the Present”

As debilitating as her anxiety disorder was, Pamela knew she’d still have to pay her bills and that she’d have to work from home to do it. She recalls sitting on the floor of her living room thinking, “this is my new future. I’m in the present and I have to make the best of it.”  Calling on her years of production experience and her artistic eye, Pamela created In the Present, a high-end corporate and personal gift business. In addition to gifts, her company also creates business branding and printed materials. Current and former clients include Disney, BMW, The American Cancer Society and Turner Broadcasting. (photo: In the Present’s Rejuvenate)

On her challenges

When I asked Pamela about the biggest challenge she faced launching the business, she said, “breathing.”  For Pam, the challenge wasn’t launching the business – the business part came naturally. The challenge was taking care of herself and managing the disorder. But Pamela recognizes that she’s the only one who has the power to make herself better. She explains, “The feelings will never go away. I’ve got to manage those feelings. I’m the only one who can do it.”

Her advice to other women at forty

“I’ve got a Wizard of Oz theory,” she says, “Put on your ruby slippers, click ‘em and know you have the power to do whatever you need to do.”

Before I let Pamela go, I asked her to take WAF’s 5 questions, 3 words or less challenge. Here’s what she had to say…

1. Most exciting thing you did/plan to do at forty? Got my dog Sydni
2. Biggest regret? Staying too long
3. The thing(s) you’re most proud of?  Sydni – is that wrong?
4. The monkey on your back you can’t shake? Panic disorder
5. Finish this sentence (ok, so technically it’s not a question) – If Three 6 Mafia can win an Oscar, I can… walk a runway

To learn more about Pamela Grossman and In the Present, visit her website www.inthepresent.com.

If you’re a WAF Whirly Girl, or know a woman who is, please send your story to contribute@womenatforty.com and it may be included in a future segment.

How this WAF Whirly Girl launched a successful business, despite being stricken with a debilitating anxiety disorder.

Last week I wrote about being stronger than our fears. I received quite a few emails and comments over on the Facebook page from other women at forty facing their own unique fears. One wrote about going back to school and being anxious about the 20-year -olds in class alongside her. Another wrote about becoming a mom later in life and being mistaken for her child’s grandmother. For most of us these types of fears boil down to mind over matter. Overcoming them involves having less doubt, a little more faith and a dash of “who cares what you think.”  But what if your fears ran deeper – much deeper? What if there was a clinical reason for the fears that haunted you.

If you’re Pamela Grossman you find a way to live through the fear. In fact, you thrive despite of it. That’s exactly what Pamela did when at 40 she was stricken with debilitating panic attacks that seemingly came out of nowhere. Pamela’s the third woman to be featured as a Women at Forty Whirly Girl, and a couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to talk to her at length about the panic disorder that changed her life, her gift business, In the Present, and how she’s living life in her 40′s… (photo: Pamela Grossman)

On how she remembers 40

At 40 Pamela says she suddenly realized “I got it. In fact, I always had it and didn’t have to prove it anymore.” “It” related primarily to work. For 20 years Pamela worked in TV, radio and print production for industry giants like Turner Broadcasting. She’d spent decades trying to prove herself in the workplace and finally at 40 no longer felt the need. But just as that freeing mindset came about, she found herself suddenly stricken with debilitating panic attacks. After visiting doctors, undergoing a litany of tests and being misdiagnosed with everything from heart problems to acid reflux, Pamela was diagnosed with severe panic disorder.

On her panic disorder and digging herself out of the hole

Of the onset of her panic disorder, Pamela describes being in a “deep abyss of terror,” stumped at the fact that the same woman who once produced TV shows with million dollar budgets couldn’t will herself to walk out the front door. As is often the case with life’s biggest challenges , Pamela’s struggle to get a handle on the disorder has inspired her to create a website, Unwrappingpanic.com. The site, scheduled to launch in September, will be a place for sufferers of anxiety disorder to get real information about living with the illness. Eventually, thanks to professional help and support from family and friends, she was able to dig out from under.  And although her “digging out” story spanned over two years, it was during that time that her business, In the Present, was created.

Wednesday: In Living In the Present -  Part 2, Pamela talks about launching her business, her biggest fear, and shares some insight into living life in your 40′s.

I was curious about Liza’s experiences as a filmmaker and entrepreneur, especially after she responded to a question I’d posted on WAF’s Facebook page about being laid off. Having experienced three lay-offs over the course of my career and trying desperately to “rise from the ashes” I was curious as to how other women handled their suddenly-unemployed status. Liza responded that she’d been laid off twice, but that it “always led to something better.” I wanted to hear more. Here’s some of what Liza and I talked about…

On Beauty In the Eyes of the Beheld and society’s perception of beauty

Liza explains that back in the Philippines her grandmother had been a famous beauty and she grew up hearing stories about how beautiful her grandmother had been in her youth.  In making the film she wanted to explore societal notions of beauty and found that while beauty can get you more – more jobs, more attention – the foundation is often shaky and transient. She found that as women age, the ones who relied the least on their physical beauty were the most secure and happy – they’d learned to rely on “the assets that don’t fade.”  She also found that while women in their 20’s had less of a story to tell, women in their 40’s gave the most interesting interviews, having lived and experienced more. Another fascinating take-away from the whole process was learning that beautiful is a “bell curve with lots of variation.”  Liza wrote about her experiences while working on the film in her own blog post, The Definition of Beauty.

On being fired – twice – and it leading to her doing what she loves

I asked Liza about her response to my lay-off question. She explained that her first firing occurred while working as a graphic designer. She’d been working tons of overtime without getting paid for it and was fed up. When they fired her she saw it as a good thing and began concentrating on her music and studio work. In 1988 she went on tour with Stacy Lattislaw as her keyboarder and later collaborated with artists such as Prince and Trouble Funk. Her music appears on a compilation album, “Octaves Beyond Silence,” which includes works by the Indigo Girls, Ani Difranco and Me’Shell Ndegeocello. Of that time in her life she says, “when you’re pushed off the cliff you’re forced to swim. Your entire life becomes a mid-life crisis.” At 30 Liza tried to “become practical again.” That didn’t last long. She was fired – again – which eventually led to her becoming a music composer for TV and film. She’s worked as a video producer and composer for American Film and Video in Silver Spring, Maryland and assistant editor at Townhouse Post Productions in Washington DC.

On being a woman at 40

At 40, Liza says that despite taking the creative path, she still felt insecure. “My choices weren’t rewarded by society, and my success wasn’t obvious.” But it was at 40, when she’d all but given up on men, that she met the man who would become her husband. Now at 48 she wishes she could be less reliant on her accomplishments to feel happy, but feels confident and realistic about her strengths and weaknesses.

On advice to other women contemplating taking the road less traveled

What advice would she give women at forty? “It’s not comfortable, but it’s worth it.” Choosing to do “it”, whatever your “it” may be might be the greatest challenge of your life, but it’s one worth facing. As for the rejection that’s bound to come with choosing this path, Liza says she isn’t paralyzed by it and quotes one of her favorite books The Artist’s Way – “Once you take the leap, the net appears.” She encourages women to move out of their comfort zone. “Make it part of the plan.” And she recommends, “have a practical plan.”

Special thanks to Liza for taking the time out of her demanding schedule for the interview and for being a personal source of inspiration.

To learn more about Liza and Beauty: In the eyes of the Beheld, visit her website www.beautydocumentary.com and check out her blog here. If you’re a Whirly Girl, or know a Whirly Girl who’d like to be featured in a future post, email your information to contribute@womenatforty.com with “Whirly Girl” in the subject line.

One of the unexpected benefits of launching The Women at Forty Project has been meeting some of these very women. I’ve been so inspired by them that I’m launching a new series in our Money & Career section called Women at Forty’s Whirly Girls. The term “Whirly Girl” refers to the elite group of less than 1,700 female helicopter pilots in the world. For me the term represents women who are innovators, risk takers and who’ve chosen the often bumpy, usually risky, road less traveled.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be introducing you to women in their 40’s who are doing just that. From an award winning musician and documentarian whose dream career began only after being fired, to a TV producer forced to start her own business after being struck with a debilitating disorder, these women represent the strength and determination that has come to personify 40.  (Photo: 1942’s Rosie the Riveter) We’ll even get to meet a real life Whirly Girl, Angie Griffin, chief pilot and owner of Dragonfly Copters Tours. Many of these women are beyond their 40th year, but they all very clearly recall experiencing a major shift at 40. Whether it was an inexplicable surge in creativity or making life changing decisions, for them, 40 was a very significant year in their lives.

Over on the Facebook page my quote to start the week was “The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Women at Forty’s Whirly Girls all decided they weren’t going to stay where they were. Their stories can serve as inspiration to all of us with dreams and desires we might be afraid to step out on. There’s a reason Robert Frost writes about the road less traveled by. Taking that road requires more courage than fear, more faith than doubt and a ‘sticktuitiveness’ that’s forged by fire. Sounds like the perfect job for a Women at Forty.  Liza Figueroa Kravinsky, the filmmaker and musician whose interview I’ll run on Wednesday, may have said it best. When I asked her about the unconventional, often unpredictable, non-9-5 path she’d decided to take, Liza simply said, “It’s not comfortable, but it’s worth it.”

On Wednesday: My interview with award winning filmmaker Liza Figueroa Kravinsky

Are  you a Whirly Girl? If you’ve set out on the road less traveled by, or know someone who has, email your story to contribute@womenatforty.com. It could end up featured in a future Women at Forty Whirly Girl post.

*source: Entrepreneur.com

A couple of months ago, Time magazine did an article about Internet start-up companies and their lean existence.  Time called it Noodleconomics, based on the term Ramen Profitable.  Basically it means making just enough money to pay the bills and survive on a diet of ramen noodles. You know those dried, versatile and very cheap noodles that are a major food group for college students worldwide.  Time was talking about Internet start-ups, but I think the term is applicable to any start-up business.  And as I approach forty, the appeal of a start-up, ramen noodles and all, outweighs the prospect of kowtowing to yet another bad boss any day.

I’ve had more Really Bad Bosses than I care to remember, and the stories I’ve told attest to their supreme badness. After having a string of bosses like that, ramen noodles are starting to look like steak tartar.  I think I’m due for a really good boss.  In fact, I think I’m due to become a really good boss.

As a really good boss, I’d cultivate confidence in my employees, not fear. I’d have the kind of open door policy that the other bosses promised, but never mustered up the courage to follow through with.  And, as a really good boss, I’d respect the opinions of my employees and admit that even I, the best boss in the world, can make mistakes.  Of course, before I can do any of this, I’ve got to get at least one employee, and be able to pay him or her with something other than noodles.  And sure, being a really good boss isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3.  But, what I do know for sure is I won’t refer to my employees by their ethnic group, sex or weight.  I won’t start thinking they’re old when they hit forty. When I have good ideas (of which I’m sure they’ll be plenty), I’ll promote them through logic and reasoning and not by threatening employees with poisoned  Kool-Aid.  And, I won’t conduct random trashcan searches and pantyhose inspections just for the hell of it.  I’ll be much too busy building my empire and cooking up the next batch of ramen noodles to do any of that.

Denise is a marketing consultant and freelance writer. She currently co-blogs for the site Really Bad Boss.