Technical difficulties (a malfunctioning laptop adapter) forced me off the computer for much of last week. So instead of spending mindless hours on the internet, I spent mindless hours watching movies. Sex and the City was one of them. I’d like to make a confession. I wasn’t one of the thousands of women who loved Sex and the City while it was on TV. I thought it was smart, interesting and funny and I thought the portrayal of women, friendships and relationships was spot on, but it wasn’t must see TV for me. So when the movie came out, I didn’t rush out to see it that first weekend. Or the second. In fact, I just saw it for the first time earlier this year on DVD. And once again, the portrayals were great and the relationships realistic. That is until Mr. Big and Carrie got married.
I can hear some of you booing me already. And I’m going to make you hate me even more by admitting that I was rooting for Carrie’s and Mr. Big’s relationship to end. Not by him leaving her at the altar, but by her deciding that she’d had enough of waiting for him to come around. One thing forty years, several boyfriends and watching friends with their boyfriends has taught me is that whoever that man is three months into the relationship is who he’ll be three years in. This is a generalization of course, but many male friends have confirmed this for me. Men know what they want and who they want to be with pretty early on in a relationship. So, if he was non-committal when you met him, he’ll be non-committal 10 years later. If he’s ghost on the weekend a month into the relationship, don’t be all “OMG” when you can’t find him on a Saturday night five years in. And finally, if he was with someone else when he met you, he’ll be with someone else while he’s with you.
Sex and the City was just a movie, but the reality is, Continue reading A fool for love: Mr. Big in the real world
20 things you need to know – Hey you, standing over there looking tough and cute the way little girls often do, it’s me, well you – in about 36 years. Some things haven’t changed much. With the exception of the ribbon, your hair looked a lot like that this morning, and that stance, you still got that. You often have that same ‘four parts curiosity, one part ‘what the hell are you looking at” look on your face even at this age – And the legs…well, like I said, some things haven’t changed much.
I wish I could protect you from, and prepare you for all that lies ahead, but I can’t. No one can really. But what I can do is share some things that only I’ll be able to. Some people think the past, present and future are all happening at once, so who knows. I know you won’t understand everything I’m saying, but take notes, you’ll need them.
- Some of the people in your life will disappoint you, lie to you, hurt you. Some of them are just stupid. Others are just evil. Forgive them all, stupid and evil alike, and move on. Remember what they did and learn from it. Don’t hold what they’ve done to you against anyone else.
- That thing you want to do with your hair in the eighties. Don’t. You leave dozens of grease spots up and down the east coast because of it, and Chris Rock will mock it mercilessly in a documentary he releases in 2009.
- Try to get that eating thing under control early – believe me, you’ll be fighting that battle for years. In the meantime, live your life and do the things you want to do, regardless of what the scale says.
- You’re going to have several really great ideas for businesses. Instead of talking yourself out of it, just do it. You are smarter, stronger and more resilient than you know.
- You know how they said it would be too difficult to be a successful, black, female journalist? Oprah’s like the richest person on the planet now. Seriously. Don’t listen to them. Continue reading You’ve come a long way baby: 20 things I’d tell you now
Rachel’s graced us once again with more hilarious and real talk about being almost forty. From the pain of divorce to the pain of Brazilian bikini waxes, being almost forty has its ups and downs…
As I draw closer to being forty years old, I try to accentuate the positive in my life. Rather than lamenting the gray hairs that are close to overtaking my “natural color” (yes, I consider the stuff from the bottle that matches the hair of my youth “natural,” just go with it on this, please), I celebrate the fabulous, effortless highlights I get when I color my hair. I rejoice in the confidence that comes from knowing myself on a deep and meaningful level that could only be possible after spending more than three decades exploring the mystery that is me.
I find myself and my girlfriends delighting in our self-awareness and the fact that we are strong, independent women. We are intelligent women—wives, mothers, sisters, friends, CEOs, teachers, attorneys, consultants, accountants and myriad other impressive titles. Collectively, we have traveled the world, battled cancer, brokered million-dollar deals, molded young minds, survived the heartbreak of losing a child, weathered the devastation of divorce and the pain of a full Brazilian bikini wax.
We’ve found the strength to strike out on our own when our employers have failed to realize our worth and we’ve managed to come back from the edge when we thought we could take no more. Some of us have stared down the barrel of spinsterhood without batting an eye, knowing that our sister-girls will be there for us in our golden years and that likely, that will work out better since they will alert us to toilet paper stuck to our shoes, lipstick on our teeth and precariously perched wigs.
Continue reading Almost forty…
I’ve been getting a lot of positive energy and uplifting posts from women who are either anxiously awaiting forty, or looking back at it as the best time of their lives. Their honest stories are encouraging and uplifting, but…
That’s only part of the story. All of us aren’t flying headlong into forty, feeling fabulous and embracing getting older. I’m asking women to be real here, so I guess that reality check has to start with me. There are things I DON’T like about turning forty and a few things I thought would be very different. I have a lot of plans and dreams that I hope to fulfill in my fortieth year, and I’m looking forward to taking on those challenges, but the reality, for me at least, is that not everything about turning forty has been fabulous. And part of turning forty for me is being able to admit that. So, here are a few things that I don’t find at all fabulous about my road to forty…
That hair in the middle of my cheek
WTH? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen you in my rearview mirror desperately plucking at your cheek, chin and/or upper lip (what is it about car windows that makes us think there’s some sort of shield blocking us.) Continue reading That hair in the middle of my cheek…