From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”

maxwell I’ve been journaling since I was about 14. That’s why it was pretty easy for me to go back to those journals and look at all “the lists” I’ve created over the years. You know the list I’m referring to. It’s the list of desirable qualities in a mate, Mr. Right…“The One.”

Looking back over my numerous lists I can’t help but laugh at some of the qualities I thought were essential when I was younger. One particularly embarrassing desire I held was to have a man who could sing and play football. Not necessarily at the professional level (because that would be ridiculous) but I imagine I must have thought that the combination of singing and football would somehow get me out of a major life jam sometime in the future. I even found an entry about my dream man having long eyelashes – because you know, that’s the telltale sign of a good man. Continue reading From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”

The search for the elusive “one”

the list “The Back-up Plan” has been the springboard for a lot of discussion since its release a couple of weeks ago. On the site we’ve talked about making back-up plans when life doesn’t turn out the way we expected, searching for multiple streams of happiness, and choosing single motherhood when the elusive “one” is nowhere to be found – which brings us to today’s topic – the search for the elusive “one.” You know the one – he’s the guy who meets all the criteria on that list you’ve been carrying around since you were 21, revised when you were 27 and then again at 35. I know the list well – I’m on my 3rd revision myself.

So what makes the elusive one so elusive – is it a numbers game? There’s no shortage of statistics that tell us the ratio of single women to men – remember the line from the now infamous Newsweek article – a  ‘40-year-old single woman was “more likely to be killed by a terrorist” than to ever marry (Newsweek later apologized for the ridiculous line.) Are we being unrealistic – do we want Continue reading The search for the elusive “one”

The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it’s given us food for thought…

Side profile of a pregnant woman As I posted yesterday, I finally saw The Back-up Plan, the new movie starring 40 year old Jennifer Lopez as a pet shop owner who resorts to Plan B when neither her husband or kids arrive as she’d planned.  Zoe explains it like this, “I thought I’d be married with kids right now, I’ve adopted a back up plan – you know the just in case what I really want doesn’t happen.” Of course, this being Hollywood, just minutes after implementing her back-up plan (which involves artificial insemination) Zoe literally bumps into Stan (played by Alex-Abs- of-Steel O’Loughlin) and as luck would have it, he’s the one.

It’s a safe bet The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it was chock full of interesting topics just waiting for great women at forty conversations, including:

Continue reading The Back-up Plan will never win an Oscar, but it’s given us food for thought…

Beyond the ‘Cougar’ label: Confessions of a non-cougar

cougar There are several popular definitions for the word cougar. The feline mammal not withstanding, these days a cougar is described as a woman 35 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. Another, harsher definition, is one of an older woman who frequents clubs in order to score (their word, not ours) with a much younger man.  Sounds pretty predatory doesn’t it? Well, there are many women who happen to be in relationships with younger men who take issue with the term.

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of interviewing Jo. Jo lives in England and is a woman in her late 30’s married to a younger man, and she does NOT want to be labeled a cougar. Throughout her life Jo had always been drawn to younger men, and in 2005 she met a man – 10 years her junior – and within a year, they were married.  Here’s what she has to say about marriage, marriage to a younger man, and why she hates the term ‘Cougar’. Continue reading Beyond the ‘Cougar’ label: Confessions of a non-cougar

“I’ll be 40 soon and never been in a relationship”: A reader’s story

depressed Editor’s Note: Thus begins one of the most heartfelt comments we’ve ever received on the site. It was made in response to our Relationship 2.0: Love, fear and everything in between post, and it struck a chord with us as I’m sure it will with you. The reader, who signed the comment “Too ashamed to give a name” has been unlucky in love and is now at the point of giving up. Her self esteem is low and rather than looking forward to turning 40, she’s dreading the fine lines and grey hairs that she feels will make her unattractive. I asked her permission to run her comment as a feature story in the hopes that other women who’ve been in her shoes and have felt some of the things she’s feeling can provide some words of wisdom that can help her begin to see herself, turning 40 and relationships in a whole new light…

Continue reading “I’ll be 40 soon and never been in a relationship”: A reader’s story