My usual reaction when hearing that yet another teen or 20-something wanna-be D-lister has posted risque’ pics on Twitter or “accidentally” released a home-made porn, is to SMH and move on. It’s the age we live in and unfortunately this generation of young women seem to equate social media nakedness and sexuality with ultimate power. But wait. Demi Moore is from our generation. And she’s an A-list celebrity married to another A-list celebrity. So when I heard/saw that Demi Moore was once again jumping on the nakedness bandwagon I felt sad.

Here’s my disclaimer for all of you who believe that Demi Moore is a grown woman and has the right to do whatever she wants to with her body, her camera and her twitter account. You are absolutely right. And for the camp who says Demi Moore has a great body and she has every right to show it. You too are right. When I grow up, stop overeating and start working out every day, I want to have a body that wants to look like Demi Moore’s body. Maybe.

We knew Demi had a great body when she was G.I. Jane, and Viggo Mortensen battled her for the “shortest shorts in a move award.” And we knew it when Ashton Kutcher tweeted a picture of her underweared butt to his million plus followers. And just in case we still hadn’t gotten the message that Demi is 47 and hot, she tweeted the most recent bikini pics of herself.  We get it Demi, you’re 47 and hot. In all fairness to Demi, she pokes fun of herself too, like in this picture where she’s at the dentist missing a front tooth. But still the butt pics and the bikini pics bother me a bit.

I’ve been labeled a femi-nazi in the past because of my stance on women’s issues, particularly what I see as the over-sexualization and accessorization (I think I just made up two words) of women in today’s society. How many magazine covers do we need to see of fully dressed men groping half-naked women before we admit “somethin’ aint right.” This isn’t about being sexy or looking sexy, it’s about taking a step back and looking at how women in our society are portrayed – and how we allow ourselves to be portrayed. Most parents are telling their daughters NOT to put half-naked pictures of themselves on Facebook, Twitter etc. They’re telling them it’s just not a smart thing to do. And we understand that 16, 17, 20 something girls are naive, coming to terms with their sexuality and in the process will sometimes do things they regret. It’s almost a rite of passage. But at 47 we should be all “been there, done that” shouldn’t we? By our 40s we should realize that whatever “power” is gained by posing seductively for twitter pics or status updates is fleeting at best.

I can’t get inside Demi’s head to know what she was thinking when she posted the photos. Maybe she was just having a little fun. Maybe she works hard on her body and wants to show the world. And maybe there’s a little part of her that still needs the validation. The photos certainly put her name back on the entertainment talk show circuit for a minute. But here’s the thing Demi (because I know she’ll read this) – you don’t have to out-naked the Kim Kardashians, Miley Cyruses, insert naked-celebs-of-the-month-here – of the world, to get to where you’re going. You are already there. These young women want to get to where you are! They want the successful movie career, the great family, the loving husband. They want to imitate you, so why are you imitating them? Women in their 40’s are smart, savvy, beautiful, healthy and powerful. They are also sexy and don’t have to post semi-naked pics all over Twitter to prove it – to the world or to themselves. I just wish more of them would realize it.

Am I being too hard on Demi? What are your thoughts on Demi’s pics and on how women in their 40s are being portrayed in the media. Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan Page.

So, what is sexy – besides the abs of course? Confidence, a man with a great voice, romance, intelligence… Here’s some of what Women at Forty find sexy…

“ A man in the kitchen cooking—doesn’t matter what he is cooking, but there is something sooo sexy about him cooking for me!”

“A man who behaves as an adult and takes responsibility for himself, his actions and his loved ones.”

“A man who is in touch with his emotions and is not afraid to share them with the woman in his life.”

“A man that can sing”

“Definitely a good sense of humor. And a guy who can spell and has good grammar…as odd as that sounds.”

“A man has got to have a good voice. And that whole thing when they talk in your ear, or whisper, or um, make um certain noises during the deed, um…”

“Sexy for me…the way he towel dries after a shower and the fit of boxer briefs…”

“Wash dishes, fold laundry, gives you a hug when you are down and you don’t have to say a word!!!”

“Confidence is sexy. doesn’t matter how old or young, handsome or not, if he’s confident within himself, he is sexy. I love a man who knows his own mind and what he’s about. Oh yeah, I also love a man in the kitchen…..a guy who cooks is sooooooooooo sexy.”

It’s not too late to tell us what you find sexy. Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan Page.

On dating:

OK, so is there a thin line between just friends and dating line at 40? Did it move from when we were in our 20s or 30s? There is this older guy who I enjoy spending time with – dinner, movies, chatting on the phone, etc. He insists that we’re not dating, but he won’t let 24 hours go by without “checking” in. Before you even ask, yes he’s the only guy that I’m spending time with (other guy friends don’t get 10% face time – mostly chat/email or cell buddies) and he says that he could never handle more than one female friend at a time. So back to what started this – just what crosses the line between just friends and dating?

On what’s sexy:

Sexy is knowing what to wear that compliments your best features – the tailoring of the suit/swagger of the sport attire, the style of the shoe, the line of the haircut, the moisturizer to use on the skin and the scent to top it off. All this speaks to knowing yourself and what you have to offer…. without spending more time in the mirror than me!

On motherhood – Does the bell toll for me:

I am nearing forty..within a few years. I’m one week away from divorcing my husband.. and we never had kids. For the 8 years we were married I wanted kids only about 10% of the time. I think it was the person I was married to. Something was just not right. After I separated from my husband I met a wonderful older man who was already a father to two grown boys and wow, he not only set off my biological clock, it went off like a TIME BOMB. Unfortunately that relationship didn’t last and I am alone again. The decision to have children or not has not been an easy one for me. In my very early twenties before I was married I became pregnant out of wedlock and had an abortion. I think about that a lot now, to be truthful. There is a lot of sadness that comes to me at times when I see a pregnant woman – I often wonder what it is like. Then I hear the stories of the midnight feedings, diaper changes gone wrong, exploding poo, and spitup and I think, hmm. I am not sure I can do that. I believe that the path of my life is slowly being revealed to me page by page. Hopefully one day I will be able to face the uncertainty and make a decision. Until then I am enjoying being able to do what I want, when I want. My hope is that a wonderful man will enter my life, we will fall in love, and perhaps, have a family.

Share your thoughts on motherhood, what is and isn’t sexy, and dating in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

How times have changed and thankfully so have our tastes. What we found sexy at 16, 21 and even 30, probably isn’t what we find sexy at 40. So we asked, what do you find sexy in a man? Just so you know, that hip area, just below the six pack abs and right above the ehem…(modeled perfectly here by The Backup Plan’s Alex O’Loughlin) is what we find sexy. Here’s some of what you had to say…

“Definitely a good sense of humor. And a guy who can spell and has good grammar…as odd as that sounds.”

“A man who behaves as an adult and takes responsibility for himself, his actions and his loved ones.”

“A man who is in touch with his emotions and is not afraid to share them with the woman in his life.”

”A man in the kitchen cooking—doesn’t matter what he is cooking, but there is something sooo sexy about him cooking for me!”

“A man that can sing”

“A man that listens”

“A man has got to have a good voice. And that whole thing when they talk in your ear, or whisper, or um, make um certain noises during the deed, um…”

“Sexy for me…the way he towel dries after a shower and the fit of boxer briefs…”

“Wash dishes, fold laundry, gives you a hug when you are down and you don’t have to say a word!!!”

“Confidence is sexy. doesn’t matter how old or young, handsome or not, if he’s confident within himself, he is sexy. I love a man who knows his own mind and what he’s about. Oh yeah, I also love a man in the kitchen…..a guy who cooks is sooooooooooo sexy.”

It’s interesting how many responses didn’t have anything to do with men’s physical attributes. Were our women being reserved, or are these qualities sexier than the physical? And, I wonder if we asked men the same question, whether the responses would be similar. Got something sexy to add? Share it in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.

Image: Alex O’ Loughlin from the upcoming movie “The Backup Plan”