One of the first examples that comes to mind is in my jewelry studio. As a jewelry designer and artisan, I really do make every effort to have a bit of a plan as I go into the studio…usually a quick sketch or at least some kind of vision in my mind. I would say 75% of the time I end up with something completely different. Mainly because I goofed and ended up melting one of my bezel settings, one whole side of the piece, or cracking a stone, rendering it useless. Rather than scaring the neighbors with violent profanity…I’ve learned to step back and reevaluate the charred remains of the fruits of my labor. In every instance I was able to salvage my work and turn it into something beautiful. A work of art! As a matter of fact, some of my favorites pieces are complete ‘mistakes’.

You have to be able to see what beauty lies behind these so called ‘mistakes’ and realize that something good will always come from them. You just have to be willing to look. And that applies to all areas of life. So…have no fear if you deviate from your plan – it’s not always a bad thing!

Kim’s a friend, a jewelry artisan, fellow blogger, and rounding the corner to forty (though she’s not as close as I am). You can check out Kim’s one of a kind designs at her on-line boutique Lexie Jewel, and her killer sense of humor on her blog.

But I also hadn’t planned on, at near forty, meeting a group of women who would encourage and inspire me everyday to develop my business. I hadn’t planned on becoming obsessed with HGTV and doing my own bootleg version of design on a dime, and I hadn’t planned on learning how to live happily and contented on less – much less.

But here I am. This is what I’m doing, and I feel blessed. Blessed to be a woman living in this country at this time, with all the opportunities and challenges that come along with it. I am blessed to live down the street from a Barnes and Noble and two public libraries that give me access to all the diet books I can get my hands on. (Now if I would just read them!) And I’m blessed to be surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends.  No, it’s not the life I planned, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. (Left, me standing in front of a museum in Florence, Italy…something I never could have imagined planning ten years ago)

I was going to marry my high school sweetheart; we had enrolled at the same college after all so that was a no-brainer. While in college I was approached to participate in the Miss America pageant, so that meant I’d use my supermodel earnings to pay off my student loans. After college, I’d work for the U.N. and balance travelling the world with raising 2.3 beautiful and perfectly behaved children. We’d settle in the south of France and tend to our vineyard, then go on holiday in Tuscany.

Ah, the folly of my youth! The sweetheart cheated on me during our freshman year at school.  (Left, Rachel with her beloved poodles)

Fantasies of being his wife were replaced by the enjoyment of dating. He had been my first real boyfriend and thus I hadn’t really experienced the ups and downs of dating in high school. Eventually, I married a different man and our vision of a life far away from NYC saw our relocation. France became Phoenix, AZ and while I did get to visit several European countries, more often our European vacations were courtesy of Bellagio, Paris and The Venetian on our frequent trips to Las Vegas. We spent our honeymoon in Vegas and often joked that we spent the week jet-setting between Paris, Italy and Egypt.

The 2.3 children became three dogs and a gaggle of nieces, nephews, god-children and random youngsters that hold a piece of my heart. I experienced the joys of first steps and first words without having to endure sleepless, colicky baby nights (although I often chose to endure them in support of my friends and relatives). Summers and holidays became joyful reunions at which I could marvel at kids’ weed-like growth and then fill them with soda, ice cream and candy before sending them merrily back to their parents. I often got late-night phone calls about that too, but isn’t that my duty as a beloved Auntie?

While I was still in college I became more aware of world affairs and the bombings of embassies. That quelled my desire to work in Foreign Service, so my professional goals changed. I found myself working for almost 15 years in corporate America and making a very nice living too. I cherished my six weeks of annual vacation and my year-round sunshine. I took up golf and hiking and cultivated an interesting circle of friends with whom I’ve shared countless travels and adventures.

Eventually, I went through a difficult divorce and later reevaluated my life choices. I hadn’t accomplished any of what I had intended to do all of those many years ago. I found myself far from my loved ones, dissatisfied with my career and feeling beaten and broken by love and life. I envisioned myself dying an old, childless, lonely woman who would be buried with her 37 feline companions—or in my case, 37 teacup poodles.

As I approach forty I find myself smiling more. I relocated to find myself back in the family fold on a fulltime basis; there are even more nieces and nephews now to gobble up my time and energy. I’ve reconnected with old friends and have the pleasure of visiting the desert from time to time to catch up with the folks there. I took the time to heal my wounds and simply enjoy myself and my life—not the one I had planned, but the one that manifested itself one I allowed it to do so.

The life I lead now as I am approaching forty includes closer relationships with my relatives, renewed friendships from long ago, an occupation that I truly enjoy and a loving man who surpasses every dream, fantasy or expectation I ever had for a mate, as well as deep religious faith. None of this would have been possible had I not let go of the plans of my youth and accepted the life I was meant to live. Are you living the life you want to live or are your expectations, fantasies and misconceptions keeping you from what you desire and deserve? What will it take for you to let go and realize the life that is waiting for you? Don’t wait another minute—decide that you’ll embrace it at forty.

Rachel Dachel is a freelance writer and editor, and the creator and author of the blog Rachel-y Motivated Incidents.

You must be willing to get rid of the life you’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for you.

—Joseph Campbell

I started thinking about the life I’d planned and the life I have now. Many of the things I thought I’d be, would have done, and gotten to see, didn’t happen. But because they didn’t, I’ve been blessed to experience the things that did.  Travelling, new friendships, and a career I never thought I’d have, have all come as a result of my own best laid plans falling flat on their face.

Today, Women at Forty invites you to share your stories of “The life you planned vs. the life you have.” Have you been able to get out of your way long enough to live the life that’s been waiting for you, or are you still struggling with your best laid plains? We’ll share your answers in today’s posts.    

Click here to see what others have already submitted…