What we’re thankful for: A second chance at love

Rachel wrote this piece after becoming engaged to someone she often refers to as “that wonderful man.” Finding love again at 38 is something that she wrote about being grateful for, but the accompanying wedding…

I knew I was truly fortunate when I found love again at 38 years old. After kissing more00400061 than my fair share of frogs and marrying a toad, I had resigned myself to the fact that there was no prince for me and that my happily ever after would not include a husband, 2.6 children who were conceived “old school style” and a white picket fence. I was perfectly alright with adoption and a condo, but I still really hoped to find a suitable mate who would one day become my husband.

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All the single ladies: Why aren’t we dating interracially?

Battle of the Hands SeriesI opened up a can of worms yesterday by talking about an article that’s getting a lot of buzz. The title: 8 reasons black women should date white men. The title is misleading because what the article is really offering is reasons “successful/educated” black women shouldn’t date black men. A friend’s comment sums the article up best, “full of the typical stereotypes with no added value.”

As someone who’s known plenty of black men who look and act nothing like the men portrayed in this piece, I’ve been able to take it for what it is, an oversimplified swipe at a targeted group of men who aren’t handling their business, at the benefit of another group of men who aren’t always (as the article would suggest) handling theirs either. Who’s left out in the missive are the drones of women who continue to allow the men in their lives to mistreat them, perpetuating a kind of “if she won’t, I’ll find another who will” mentality, leaving those of us who refuse to put up with bulls**t single for the long-haul.

Side note to the article’s writer: I’ve had the pleasure of working with and befriending women of all nationalities, ethnic groups, and races, believe me, I’ve heard the same sweeping generalizations made about men of all races and nationalities. Continue reading All the single ladies: Why aren’t we dating interracially?

So, what if you’re not all gung-ho about 40?

turning 40When I launched Women at Forty I was very honest about my own “struggles” with turning 40. I wasn’t anywhere near where I’d hoped to be in my career, my relationships or with my health. But, I was determined to use my 40th year as a building block for the future I’d always dreamed about. So far, so…myeh. Creatively, my mind is firing on all pistons. The rest of me, not so much. This comment I received over the weekend confirms I’m not the only one:

I just don’t feel it. This great feeling of being 40. 🙁 I turned 40 last July and ran a great marathon one day after my birthday. I am going back to school to finish my degree, and I always hear stories from women how wonderful they felt when they were 40. Why do I just feel old and depressed and think my life is practically over? What’s wrong with me?

There are many women out there just loving 40. They’re advancing in their careers, having babies, and running conglomerates from within the confines of their suburban homes. There are many women who feel like the one above – they’re just not feeling it. And then they’re the women, like myself, who fall somewhere in the middle. There are days that my vision is clear and I embrace 40 as a gift. And then there are days when I’m looking for the receipt to return the “gift” for a full refund.

Continue reading So, what if you’re not all gung-ho about 40?

Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair?

Titllong haire sound familiar? Those are the lyrics from the 1967 musical and song “Hair“. The question mark is my own addition. A couple of weeks ago, the topic of hair seemed to be popping up everywhere. From a father’s tribute to his daughter’s curly hair, to Willow Smith’s whip-lash inducing “I Whip My Hair” video, hair was hot. The hair indoctrination begins from the time we’re little girls. Popular culture teaches us that hair is an essential part of being a woman, and that the longer and straighter that hair, the better.

That hair indoctrination transcends race, ethnicity and culture, but as you can imagine, the message can be an especially difficult one for little girls whose hair grow naturally from their heads in crowns of tightly woven corkscrews. Within the African American community, women are dealing with hair issues including going “natural” or not, straightening, weaving, and yes, “the long hair” phenomenon as well.  I’ve learned that some Asian and Caucasian women use Thermal Conditioning to remove even a hint of curl or wave from their hair. And it wasn’t until Chris Rock’s visit to Oprah last year that I started paying attention to blonds with roots, and realized that an awful lot of blonds weren’t born that way.  But we’ll tackle those issues in a future post, today’s hair issue is about long hair and older women.  (Image credit: George Eastman House)

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Why Demi Moore’s bikini pics made me sad – and it’s not what you think

Demi Moore Bikini shot I know I’m way late, but why is 47 year old Demi Moore posting bikini pictures of herself on Twitter – again? And why is she dancing on stage with Snoop Doggy Dog? Side note – why is this 39-year-old man still calling himself Snoop Doggy Dogg and wearing a press and curl? But I digress. This post is about Demi Moore and why this talented woman still seems to need the affirmations of an adoring public.

My usual reaction when hearing that yet another teen or 20-something wanna-be D-lister has posted risque’ pics on Twitter or “accidentally” released a home-made porn, is to SMH and move on. It’s the age we live in and unfortunately this generation of young women seem to equate social media nakedness and sexuality with ultimate power. But wait. Demi Moore is from our generation. And she’s an A-list celebrity married to another A-list celebrity. So when I heard/saw that Demi Moore was once again jumping on the nakedness bandwagon I felt sad. Continue reading Why Demi Moore’s bikini pics made me sad – and it’s not what you think