Is there really someone out there for everyone?

00255382After taking a couple of weeks off, I’m back and ready to hear and share our collective life experiences. While I’ve been a little slow in responding to the emails and comments, one comment in particular struck me. It was written in response to a post written by a women who is 40 and has never been in love. It’s still one of the most visited and commented posts on the site, and the last few weeks has been no exception. Here’s one comment in response to never been in love:

I am a 48 yr old female, actually have 2 kids, but still, to this day never been on a real date. I seem to attract the “bad boys” and never really care in the end. I am a semi attractive woman, great sense of humor, and good Mom, but deeply want the closeness of someone who cares. It now bothers me that I have not been out on a real date, never a Valentine for me, never a gift just for nothing. Is there really someone out there for everyone? I wonder!

I think the question posed by the reader is a legitimate one. Is there really someone out there for everyone? I know we’ve all been raised on the romantic notion that yes, there really is one perfect man for every woman, but what if that’s not the case?

In a “Name it and claim it” culture which embraces the power of intention, are we setting ourselves up for disappointment by insisting that if we just “work on ourselves” true love will find us? And, am I upsetting the Zen apple cart by even suggesting that everyone who wants one won’t necessarily find a “Mr. Right?”

So, is there someone out there for everyone? And if the answer is no, does that have to be seen as a negative thing? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook Fan Page.

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  • jack

    We attract what we are fishing for. If a woman usually attracts “bad boys” it is because that is what she is attracted to, and it is bad boys to whom she demonstrates interest and shows her femininity to.

    I guarantee she has blinders on that do not allow her to see the good men that are all around her. They are invisible to her because they do not meet some mysterious attraction threshold for her.

    Google the term “alpha widow” to understand why she feels as she does. The short version is that she desires men who are outside of her commitment “price range”, but who are otherwise perfectly happy to use her for short-term purposes.

    Never been in love? Probably because she does not understand love, nor does she cultivate it in herself. She is looking for swept-off-her-feet lust, and imagining that as the definition of love.

    Too many women are now in their 40s who have spent a lifetime learning their attraction cues from hollywood, and they have an over-inflated sense of their marriage market value. After spending a lifetime rejecting quality men as not attractive enough, not rich enough, not exciting enough, not tall enough, etc., they have become like a poor person who nonetheless has champagne and caviar tastes.

    The selfish “love” of the typical modern woman is nothing like the selfless love shown by previous generations, uncorrupted by hollywood-nonsense concepts.

    What do these women have to offer a man besides a long list of demands that he must meet?

  • Tarantula

    The answer is no. And it is a negative thing, because almost all human beings crave love, closeness and company. Those who dont are not normal and for that same reason, happy with the situation.

  • LAC

    I am a 56 year old woman who has been in love but I am alone at present and have never married. I do agree that everyone needs love, like air or water. One person remarks that women may have unrealistic expectations about attraction. In most of my relationships there was usually a good rapport to start off with. There was some kind of attraction. The intimacy came later and I have to say if the intimate part of the relationship – the chemistry – is not right, I think it is extremely unhealthy to just go along for the sake of companionship, even if you love the person. My experience has been varied. I have been in love, but the right match has not come along yet. I am very lonely and pray each day to find love. It is a simple thing. Actually I find most men where I live (in NYC) do NOT think they need love for some reason, or they are looking for the hottest thing on the market and end up alone. An unfortunate confluence of events.

  • LAC

    And that is quite a generalized presumption as to why many high quality, loving, caring women are alone. Again, it takes 2 to tango and if there is no physical compatibility it is NOT healthy to be intimate with someone just for the sake of not being alone. My town (NYC) is a virtual supermarket of fabulous women. The men can be rather indecisive as there is so much to chose from. I have been let down by one or two who decided there was a greener pasture. It is heartbreaking, so don’t think these women aim too high. I think they have a reasonable expectation and it is simply difficult to get a decent man to commit.

  • Lac

    I agree with you.