Prior to the start of our relationship series we asked the question, “what is your biggest personal fear?” The results are in, and while fear of failure and rejection came in a close second and third respectively, the majority of women responding said ‘being alone’ was their biggest fear. So we thought we’d kick off week two of our relationship series by digging deeper into those results.
We’re assuming here that by being alone, most were talking about being single – as in without husbands, mates or significant others. And if that’s the case, the question then becomes, if we fear being alone, are we doing everything in our power to make sure that’s not how we end up?
It’s interesting that while many of us fear being alone, finding companionship is one of the areas of our lives where we’re the most passive. In almost every other area of our lives, we intentionally go about getting the things we need and want.
When we’re out of work, we pound the pavement looking for a job or return to school to get a degree. We take out loans and go into debt for our homes, cars and businesses. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for our children, and don’t let us see a pair of shoes we just have to have – we’ll move heaven and earth to get them. But when it comes to love and relationships, we’re often afraid to put anything, much less everything, on the line. It’s companionship we seek, and being without it is what we fear, but we won’t go out and find it. We won’t try Eharmony or Match.com, we won’t go out on blind dates and we won’t ask him out.
It’s ironic that we’re afraid to take the risks we sometimes have to take to end up in the kind of relationships we long for. It’s no coincidence that fear of rejection was a close third to fear of being alone. In fact, for some, fear of rejection is the number one contributing factor to being alone. And no one is suggesting that you approach every guy you find mildly attractive and sign up for every internet dating service in existence, but if being alone is what you fear, there’s got to be a happy medium. Somewhere between selling yourself out to the lowest bidder and hiding within the walls of your own home, lies a place that will bring you closer to the kind of relationship you desire. Between love and fear is life. And if you want things to start happening, you’ve got to start living yours.
What’s the scariest part of being alone? And if you’re afraid of being alone, what are you doing – or not doing – about it? Share your thoughts in the comment section or on our Facebook fan page.
