The first time you meet Idris Elba, you shouldn’t have deep conditioner dripping from your head

Sad Spoiler Alert: I have not met Idris Elba. So this is not one of those happy posts where something magical happens at the end.

You know how growing up you had friends who were so close you called them play cousins? He’s sort of like my play British boyfriend.  If play means he has no idea I exist.

This post actually started out as a Facebook status update in response to Idris Elba singing in his new(?) video (check out the video at the end of this post. Wait! Will you at least read the post first?)

Side note – Idris is an awesome actor, a VERY good looking man, and from what I understand a great DJ and entertainer.

And a VERY good looking man.

Singer? Not so much.

But, a few of us remarked on Facebook about how it really didn’t matter, especially since the lyrics and the tone of the video are so…delicious. The funniest response I saw went something like this, ” He could juggle bottles of pink oil moisturizer while tap-dancing to the macaerena. I’d still buy that ish on DVD…”  So there you go. Emotions run high when it comes to my man Eed (that’s what I call him on our play dates together.)

Anyway, all this Idris talk reminded me of the time I almost met him.

You see at one point Eed lived in Atlanta (maybe still does) in the townhome complex of the girl who did my hair, and I was over there once getting my wig busted and she went out to her mailbox while I was under the dryer and came back and told me Idris was just at the mailbox and I almost snatched the plastic cap off my head to go stare (stare because like, what would I say?) at him, but then I thought “Grace, the first time you meet Idris Elba you shouldn’t have deep conditioner dripping from your head. You probably shouldn’t anytime you meet Idris Elba, but certainly not the first time,” she said, in the run-on sentence from hell.

Some of my friends, being who they are, chimed in.  One very supportive and equally misguided friend suggested “Nonsense! He meets thousands of women. It is important to make a memorable impression.”  A friend more grounded in reality countered, “I agree it is important to make a memorable first impression. But I must add POSITIVE memorable impression.”

Long story short, I did NOT snatch the plastic cap off my head and go running out to stare at Eed. So, I may have missed my once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the man who today is asking me in this song to share a few secrets with him.

The moral of the story? The next time Idris Elba is picking up his mail, I will, plastic cap, deep conditioner and all, RUN to go meet him. And that, is no secret. Check out this video to see why…

Esther Kane: On Closure

closure Editor’s Note: In today’s post Esther Kane talks about finding closure in relationships. In it she shares the story of a woman who finds herself repeating the negative messages she’d received from her father in her current relationship. In these situations Esther suggests using letter writing as a tool for finding closure.  I’m definitely going to give the exercise a try. My hope is that doing so will put an end to some of the gnawing conversations I still have with myself over mistakes I’ve made in past relationships. Maybe it will do the same for you…

In my therapy practice, the work lately seems to be about helping clients release and let go of ‘unfinished business’ from the past; whether it’s an old romance that still niggles away at their psyche, healing from a past trauma, or coming to terms with one’s family-of-origin and learning to reposition oneself in our families as the adult women we are now, rather than reacting like the child we used to be.

For example, one client came to me because she was having trouble trusting the new partner in her life, even though they were getting along and he treated her very well. She couldn’t shake the belief that he would one day discover that she ‘wasn’t worthy’ of him and trade her in for a prettier, younger version.

Continue reading Esther Kane: On Closure

A Jamaican Beauty – Part 1

Jamaican Beauty I was twelve when my mother turned forty and started to disappoint me. There is nothing more painful in this life than disillusionment, but it happens to everyone and usually starts with parents. Up until I was twelve, though, my mother was everything. I can still feel her tender kisses on my cheeks, the press of her hand as she led me through traffic, the feel of her fingers drop curling my hair with a fine tooth comb and a bowl of ice water. She was strength and softness, tempered by intelligence and independence.

In my pre-twelve little girl eyes, my mother was everything I wanted to be. My memory paints pictures of my mother in swimming watercolor, like the paintings she’d made when she was a girl. Paintings that had been hung in Jamaica’s Devon House, a prominent government building where she had worked in the gift shop long before I entered her imagination. When I picture her in the early days of my childhood, I see a hard-working, determined student and superb mathematician studying by the singular circle of light thrown on the dining table from the lamp above. (Photo: my mother the Jamaican Beauty)

Continue reading A Jamaican Beauty – Part 1

WAF’s Five for Friday – The Father’s Day Gift Edition

Father’s Day is Sunday, June 20th and in honor of all the fathers and father figures out there, I thought I’d dedicate this week’s Five for Friday to five really cool gifts for the men in our lives…

bodum fyrkat 1. For some men, grilling is a religion. The Bodum Fyrkat Portable Grill ($50) turns it into religion with style. Available in colors like orange, green and yellow, it’s not only practical, it’s ultra cute and modern too. Ok, maybe the cute part is more for us…

2. If your man’s got World Cup Fever he’s going to love the Umbro World Champions Collection.  The collection of shirts celebrate the history of the World Cup with jerseys from the seven countries that have won a world Cup including Brazil, England and Italy.

3. For the guy who’s always carrying his laptop, notebooks and everything else in a raggedy old bag, the Archival Clothing Rucksack ($240) offers a stylish alternative. This rucksack features a taller, leaner design that’s great for laptops, two outer pockets, and long-lasting waxed cotton twill fabric.

Continue reading WAF’s Five for Friday – The Father’s Day Gift Edition

From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”

maxwell I’ve been journaling since I was about 14. That’s why it was pretty easy for me to go back to those journals and look at all “the lists” I’ve created over the years. You know the list I’m referring to. It’s the list of desirable qualities in a mate, Mr. Right…“The One.”

Looking back over my numerous lists I can’t help but laugh at some of the qualities I thought were essential when I was younger. One particularly embarrassing desire I held was to have a man who could sing and play football. Not necessarily at the professional level (because that would be ridiculous) but I imagine I must have thought that the combination of singing and football would somehow get me out of a major life jam sometime in the future. I even found an entry about my dream man having long eyelashes – because you know, that’s the telltale sign of a good man. Continue reading From a man who sings to a man who listens: The evolution of my “list”