What women at forty are saying about relationships, asking men out and cougars…

j0438386 At the beginning of the week we posed a host of questions about relationships and we’ve gotten a lot of great answers. We’re learning that women at forty aren’t afraid to be honest about their relationships and what works and what doesn’t. Today we’re sharing a few your answers…

Have you ever asked a guy out? Why or why not? We received the most responses to this question – here’s some of what you had to say…

“Yes, but I’m not comfortable with it. Plus I worry about the future with a man who is interested but doesn’t even have the initiative to ask me out himself.”

“Of course!! I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32. Lord knows I wasn’t going to always wait around for the man to ask. Although, I will say it’s nicer when they did. 🙂

“Never asked a guy out, but I have made the first move.  Does that count?  I never asked a guy out because the opportunity never presented itself or if it did, I totally missed it.”

“Reading The Rules has made me too paranoid to do that, even though I know that’s silly. I would always wonder if the guy REALLY wanted to go out with me in the first place, or if I just made myself was too convenient for him to pass up.”

What makes relationships work at 40, and is it different than what works in our 20’s and 30’s

“In my 20’s and even 30’s I was so concerned with “fixing” him, that I wasn’t paying any attention to geting myself straight. Now, I’ve come into the person I am, and find partners that complement me instead of looking for men and trying to make them into something I want.”

“What made my relationships work when I was thirty still applies now that I am 40.  It is probably different for each person since relationships are based on the people involved.  This may be crass but for me its have sex with him and allow him all the time and space he needs for his hobbies.  It also helps that we share the same moral code.”

“Maturity definitely plays more of a role in making relationships work at 40. Gone for me are the overly dramatic arguments and the insecurities, so knowing what I want makes things easier. What’s been harder is finding what I want…”

Should we be offended by the term “Cougar” or should we embrace it

“Personally I hate the word, and I’m not even dating a younger man at the moment. But it’s just the idea that a single woman in her 40’s is some kind of predator hunting down innocent little cub prey – I find the whole thing a little sexist.”

“Regarding the ‘cougar’ term, I really dislike it. Who wants to be defined by the age of the man she dates? Aren’t we all grown up enough to be beyond that? It’s predatory and insinuates that women are out to merely play around with these guys, when the reality is that more and more of us are actually choosing a younger guy as a life partner. I hate the assumption that just because my husband is younger than I am that I somehow coerced him into being with me, or that I finance his lifestyle, when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth.”

Next week we’ll share more of your responses to these and other relationship questions, and we’ll feature our interview with Jo, founder of the website Beyond Cougar, who’s married to a man who happens to be 10 years her junior, but who refuses to be defined by that one fact.

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  • sezzyredd

    I also dislike the term “Cougar”. Especially since I do not like dating younger men. Being called this term is indicating that I am unable to attract a man of my own age or desperate for a younger man to validate my sexuality. Which I do not have an issue with.